Can You Detach Yourself from Dating?
- Sunday, June 12 2011 @ 02:32 pm
- Contributed by: kellyseal
- Views: 1,557
Many of us take dating personally. After all, it’s about vulnerability and intimacy, so how can you not?
It’s difficult when we’ve been rejected to resist second-guessing ourselves and the motivations of our dates. We scrutinize every move we made in great detail asking ourselves, “why did he not call back?” Conversely, we also get annoyed when we keep meeting people who aren’t right for us. We wonder: “why can’t I meet a nice, decent man/ woman?”
The key to dating successfully however, is to stop ourselves from taking the process of dating personally. This is true for every date, regardless of how well we think the date went and whether or not we want to see him or her again.
You may be wondering how it’s possible to detach ourselves from dating, when it’s all about forming an intimate bond with another person. The key is to understand that we can’t make assumptions when it comes to dating.
There could be a myriad of reasons he didn’t call back: maybe he wasn’t interested in you as you thought, or perhaps he’d just broken up with a girlfriend and wasn’t ready, or he’d just started dating someone else, or he misunderstood something you did or said in the course of the evening. It doesn’t matter. It’s up to you to move on, regardless of finding out what really happened.
After all, you’ve probably felt this way yourself: while your date seemed nice enough, you just didn’t feel that connection or spark. There’s no forcing the issue. You don’t want to go on a second date, and that’s ok. That doesn’t mean your date did something wrong. It also doesn’t mean that your next ten dates will lead nowhere. If you start thinking this way, it will inevitably come across to your dates in your energy and body language. It’s up to you to pick yourself up and move on, no matter how frustrated or disillusioned you think you’ve become.
If you have enjoyed a couple of dates with someone you find attractive, don’t expect an instant relationship. Keep dating other people until you both decide to be exclusive. If you put all of your expectations in one person before you or he is ready, it’s not likely to progress naturally and will end up going nowhere.
Bottom line: dating is a process so don’t make assumptions about what you or your dates are doing wrong, or how things should be progressing. Building a relationship takes time, so take the stress off yourself and recognize that not everyone is for you, and this is not your fault. Keep dating and love will happen.
It’s difficult when we’ve been rejected to resist second-guessing ourselves and the motivations of our dates. We scrutinize every move we made in great detail asking ourselves, “why did he not call back?” Conversely, we also get annoyed when we keep meeting people who aren’t right for us. We wonder: “why can’t I meet a nice, decent man/ woman?”
The key to dating successfully however, is to stop ourselves from taking the process of dating personally. This is true for every date, regardless of how well we think the date went and whether or not we want to see him or her again.
You may be wondering how it’s possible to detach ourselves from dating, when it’s all about forming an intimate bond with another person. The key is to understand that we can’t make assumptions when it comes to dating.
There could be a myriad of reasons he didn’t call back: maybe he wasn’t interested in you as you thought, or perhaps he’d just broken up with a girlfriend and wasn’t ready, or he’d just started dating someone else, or he misunderstood something you did or said in the course of the evening. It doesn’t matter. It’s up to you to move on, regardless of finding out what really happened.
After all, you’ve probably felt this way yourself: while your date seemed nice enough, you just didn’t feel that connection or spark. There’s no forcing the issue. You don’t want to go on a second date, and that’s ok. That doesn’t mean your date did something wrong. It also doesn’t mean that your next ten dates will lead nowhere. If you start thinking this way, it will inevitably come across to your dates in your energy and body language. It’s up to you to pick yourself up and move on, no matter how frustrated or disillusioned you think you’ve become.
If you have enjoyed a couple of dates with someone you find attractive, don’t expect an instant relationship. Keep dating other people until you both decide to be exclusive. If you put all of your expectations in one person before you or he is ready, it’s not likely to progress naturally and will end up going nowhere.
Bottom line: dating is a process so don’t make assumptions about what you or your dates are doing wrong, or how things should be progressing. Building a relationship takes time, so take the stress off yourself and recognize that not everyone is for you, and this is not your fault. Keep dating and love will happen.
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