Being Afraid of Commitment

While many daters are looking for long-term love, some are afraid of it. After all, love requires us to be vulnerable - to let our guards down so that we can become intimate with someone else. This takes courage.

Are you afraid of becoming too close to someone? What happens if you're rejected, or if you are more in love with her than she is with you? Or perhaps you fear losing your independence. Being in a relationship means that you share important decisions, schedules, and even finances. It is no longer just you in the equation. Being single is liberating and fun, so why would you want to end it?

While I don't deny that some prefer living a single lifestyle, many people who are commitment-averse can't get past their fears. They want to be in a relationship but the prospect that things could go wrong, that it could end, is too big a risk.

So how do you move past these fears so that you can find love? It isn't an easy thing. Most of us share similar fears - we don't want to be rejected or hurt. But keeping yourself protected means that you won't get past these fears. Just like with any career or life goal, you have to decide to take some risks to get what you want.

But feelings of insecurity and doubt can run deep, especially if your past hasn't exactly gone smoothly. If you've been through a terrible divorce, or come from a broken family, or your last few relationships have ended badly, it's easy to be doubtful that things will be different in your next relationship. But you can't only focus on the past and make all of your decisions based on history. Neither can you make good decisions worrying about what will happen in the future.

Taking risks means taking small steps forward towards your goals in the present, without worrying about the future or dwelling on past mistakes or experiences. If you want your current situation to change, you can't wait for a sign or for future circumstances to be perfect. You have to take those small steps, each day at a time, right now, even if you're still scared.

This means asking a woman out, not just to have sex, but with the intention of seeing where it goes - of going out again. It means going for men who are kind and giving and strong, rather than those who are looking for help or keeping you at a distance. It means focusing on the prospect of being happy with someone in a relationship, instead of thinking about all the potential problems that might come along.

Commitment isn't the end of freedom and happiness - it can lead to deeper levels of both.