Bad Habits To Break In The New Year

With the end of the year approaching, it's time to start planning your New Year's resolutions. You're on your own for goals about fitness and finances, but I can offer a few suggestions for your love life. We all have bad habits we need to break, and what better time than the new year to make some major changes to the behaviors that are sabotaging our relationships?

Some of the bad habits that may be harming your relationships are:

1. Poor communication skills. Your partner forgets to take out the trash - what do you do? A) Silently steam about it for days and leave the rotting refuse in place hoping your partner will remember, B) Take it out yourself and discuss the problem with your partner later, or C) Fly into a rage (and maybe launch the bag at your partner's head). If you answered anything but B, your communication skills could use a little work. The next time you feel upset about something your partner does (or doesn't do), take a moment to think about the seriousness of the offense. Is it really a big deal? Is it something you can handle yourself instead? If not, is your anger proportionate to the problem? Is your anger actually about another, deeper issue? Instead of starting a screaming match, calmly explain why you're upset using "I" language that doesn't place the blame on your partner - "I was upset when you didn't take out the trash, because I'd told you how busy my schedule was and felt like you didn't care."

2. Being a scorekeeper. Keeping score is for the sports arena, not for your relationship. As my father always told me, "Life isn't always fair." That sounds bleak, but it really isn't - there's no reason to keep track of all the give and takes in your relationship, because life can't be lived on "Yes, but's" alone. "Yes, we spent last Thanksgiving with my family, but we spent it with your family for 4 of the last 5 years." So what if things aren't always "fair?" When you worry too much about the payoffs of your actions, you lose sight of what's really important. It's always better to give a lot than to give none, because the best way to get a lot out of something is to put a lot into it.

3. Living in the past. You know this is a problem for you if you find yourself treating your partner like he or she is responsible for (or will repeat) the problems in your last relationship. This is a result of your subconscious mind working against you - rather than preventing old problems from arising, living in the past will cause new problems in your current relationship. To fix it, ask yourself what still bothers you from former relationships and how it may be manifesting in your new relationships. Then, every time you feel angry with your current partner, ask yourself if he or she really deserves or is just a victim of the problems in your past.