Are you Giving too much in the Relationship?

Let's face it...most of us enjoy doing little favors for our boyfriends or girlfriends. We like to show our love in various ways, which is a good thing. But when does giving become an unhealthy thing and make the relationship one-sided?

First, reciprocity in any relationship is key. Every relationship requires time and attention. Ask yourself if he (or she) is doing the basics:

• Does he call you when he says he will?
• Does he follow through with plans he makes to see you?
• Does he treat you with respect and affection?
• Does he do things for you without expecting anything in return?

If he isn't treating you with respect, then it's time to let him go. Sometimes however, the evidence isn't so cut and dry.

I see some women who are in what I would call "tentative relationships". That is, a woman is dating a man who hasn't let her know if he considers her a girlfriend. They date, or maybe they sleep together, but he keeps her at a distance. She doesn't ask him outright where she stands because she's afraid he'll just leave her, or she'll look like a fool. Instead, she compensates by doing favors for him, hoping to win his affection.

For instance, she stops by his house to bring him dinner, or she gives him small gifts. He tells her he appreciates these things, but he does not return the favor and does not pursue her, introduce her to friends, or treat her like a girlfriend. This is not a balanced relationship. She is doing most of the giving, and receiving very little in return. This will eventually create animosity in her, and he will not respect her.

If you find yourself in this situation, my advice is to be honest with your love interest. Everyone deserves a relationship built on mutual respect and affection, and if you are feeling like things are one-sided, it's likely true. Ask him how he feels and what he wants. Even if he's not interested in a "real" relationship with you, at least you know where you stand and you can move on. It will save a lot of heartache and confusion down the line.

Bottom line: if you are trying to convince someone to love you by doing things for him, stop. If he is truly interested, his actions will speak louder than his words. If you are the only one putting effort into your relationship, it's time to move on.