Are You Trying too Hard on Dates?

Dating can be pretty stressful. Sometimes nerves overtake us when we're meeting new people, and we try to put on a show to impress. My friend used to refer to this as "projection dating" - you both throw the best version of yourselves up on the screen (for the other person to gaze at admiringly), and then try to find a connection. The thing is, it doesn't usually work like that.

Connections are built on something more fundamental - that is, people are attracted to what makes you - you. It's hard to see that when dating, because we're all trying to be the best possible girlfriend/boyfriend prospects we can be.

But take your sales hat off for a minute and try to take a step back. You'll impress more when you come across as genuine, interested in your date, and sincere.

What to avoid on the next date:

Rattling off stats about yourself. Yawn. Nobody wants to hear a resume of your accomplishments, desires, etc. Try to engage instead of talk. Conversation is about two people connecting.

Trying too hard. If you're looking to impress with your job successes, houses, boats, cars, etc., you won't get very far. Sure, many women like successful men, but there's a difference between successful and being conceited, which is a real turn-off.

Being sarcastic. It's fine to be funny or ironic, but if you are trying to protect yourself from vulnerability through sarcasm it will backfire. Make sure your words and actions are respectful.

Looking nervous. Of course you might feel nervous, but try not to think about how the other person is judging you. Remember, you are both on the date - you are both assessing whether the person across from you is right. So loosen up, relax, and try to have a little fun.

What to do on the next date:

Ask her questions. You read her profile, right? That's a great starting point. Take one of her interests and start asking about it, maybe even suggesting the two of you do that on your next date.

Engage. This might seem intuitive, but don't look around at all the other women in the room, pay attention to your date. You'd be surprised how many men know better but do this anyway.

Compliment her, but don't overdo it. If you tell her she's beautiful all night she's going to resent it. Pick something specific to compliment, like how great her story-telling ability is or how gorgeous her eyes look with her dress. Women like compliments, but not if they feel forced or stale.