Are You Really My Date?

Have you ever showed up for an online date expecting to meet one person, and gotten another? She looks nothing like her picture, and her personality seems far from the cute, funny girl you thought you were going to meet. Do you feel cheated? Does it make you want to run away?

Unfortunately, I hear these stories more often than I should. Online dating leaves a lot of room for embellishment, but what do you do if you feel "stuck" on a date with someone you didn't ask for in the first place?

One man told me that once he excused himself to go to the bathroom and made a beeline for the exit, leaving his date stuck with the bill and wondering what happened to him. I don't recommend this tactic. Sure, maybe he felt cheated, but that's no reason to behave badly yourself.

On the other hand, you don't want to politely suffer through a date when you're seething on the inside. That's not good for either of you, and a big waste of time. Instead, I recommend being upfront about how you feel and going your separate ways. Then hopefully going forward, your date (and maybe you!) will think twice about misleading people in a profile.

But first, I recommend taking an objective look at your date before jumping to any conclusions. If she is a few pounds heavier than the "athletic" figure she described herself as having, it is better to cut her some slack. After all, I think everyone wants to portray themselves in the most flattering way possible. But if she's blatantly lying, saying she's been training for a marathon but is clearly overweight and avoids talking about her exercise habits, or saying she's twenty-five when she's obviously in her late forties, then there's a problem. And likely you're not the first she's tried to deceive just to get to meet you in person.

I think it's better to clear the air up front. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but let your date know that you were expecting someone else based on her profile. If she lied about her age, or weight, or her general appearance, don't list her flaws but tell her that you're disappointed and a little untrusting because she didn't accurately portray herself. If you're thinking about fudging these areas a little yourself - either with your photos or with your descriptions - don't. You don't want to start any date off on the wrong foot.

There's no need to embarrass someone because you feel cheated. It's better to recognize that it happened, make your point, and move on. They will get the message.