A Simple Assessment
- Sunday, April 17 2011 @ 08:47 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,341
Let’s say you’ve found a potentially good match on an online dating site. You’ve sent a first-contact email, and it was well-received. Emailing has been going well, and finally a decision was made: it’s time to meet up in person for your very first date. The question becomes: what makes a good in-person date? How do you know it’s gone well?
Here are a few tips I’ve gleaned from friends, clients, and my own experiences. Naturally, personal interaction is just that - personal. Only you can find out how your own gut will respond. Still, here are few common threads I’ve noticed.
First, while emailing is a great way to assess common interests and hopefully catch any “creepy” red flags, it’s ultimately an unreliable indicator of whether you’ll have chemistry in person. You might be able to figure out if someone is a “good person;” you can gauge whether you have similar personalities or senses of humor; you can get to know them in perhaps a more stress-free, natural environment. Still, there’s no guarantee you’ll “click.” Go into your first date aware and understanding of that fact. Some people just make better penpals than romantic partners, and that’s okay.
The other thing to remember, however, is that a little bit of awkwardness at making the screen-to-face transition is natural. There might be strange pauses as you find your new pace of conversation. That’s okay, too. The trick is not to panic at the slightest awkward moment, and let it overpower you.
So what do you look for? Look at the date as a whole, and see if you feel both comfortable and excited. Do you eventually overcome your awkwardness and relax into conversation? Did you have a good time? And is there a spark of chemistry? There might not be a flock of butterflies or fireworks display, but most people will know whether there’s a certain sexual possibility in the future.
The question “Do you want to see this person again?” seems like oversimplifying, but in truth it’s as simple as that. If you have to really think about it, it might be time to move on. But if you hear a resounding “Yes!” and your potential match seems to feel the same - well, whether you have common interests, whether they’re your “type” or not, that’s really all you need to hear.
Here are a few tips I’ve gleaned from friends, clients, and my own experiences. Naturally, personal interaction is just that - personal. Only you can find out how your own gut will respond. Still, here are few common threads I’ve noticed.
First, while emailing is a great way to assess common interests and hopefully catch any “creepy” red flags, it’s ultimately an unreliable indicator of whether you’ll have chemistry in person. You might be able to figure out if someone is a “good person;” you can gauge whether you have similar personalities or senses of humor; you can get to know them in perhaps a more stress-free, natural environment. Still, there’s no guarantee you’ll “click.” Go into your first date aware and understanding of that fact. Some people just make better penpals than romantic partners, and that’s okay.
The other thing to remember, however, is that a little bit of awkwardness at making the screen-to-face transition is natural. There might be strange pauses as you find your new pace of conversation. That’s okay, too. The trick is not to panic at the slightest awkward moment, and let it overpower you.
So what do you look for? Look at the date as a whole, and see if you feel both comfortable and excited. Do you eventually overcome your awkwardness and relax into conversation? Did you have a good time? And is there a spark of chemistry? There might not be a flock of butterflies or fireworks display, but most people will know whether there’s a certain sexual possibility in the future.
The question “Do you want to see this person again?” seems like oversimplifying, but in truth it’s as simple as that. If you have to really think about it, it might be time to move on. But if you hear a resounding “Yes!” and your potential match seems to feel the same - well, whether you have common interests, whether they’re your “type” or not, that’s really all you need to hear.
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