Does He have a Separate Facebook Page for Dating?

A young woman asked me recently about her new boyfriend's Facebook practices.

They met through a dating website, and apparently hit it off right away. They started going out and soon were spending a lot of time together. She fell for him and thought things were progressing well, until his schedule suddenly became mysterious. He stopped returning her texts and calls for days at a time, only to return as though nothing happened, showering her with attention and affection. She sensed something was up.

Turns out, he kept two Facebook accounts - one that seemed to be limited to his close friends and family and one that he shared with her - where all of his "friends" were women. (I'm not sure how she found his real page, but she did some snooping.)

Her question to me was: "Is he really interested in a relationship with me, or is he secretly dating other women on the side?"

There were so many red flags here, but my first thought was - if you sense something is wrong, it probably is. Go with your gut. She knew that this guy wasn't being honest, so she started investigating Facebook to confirm her suspicions instead of asking him what was up.

If you're dating someone and he doesn't introduce you to his friends or family, or keeps you at arm's length from the day-to-day happenings in his life, you're not really a girlfriend. If he mysteriously drops in and out of your life, you're a convenience. The relationship is on his terms.

Her boyfriend was displaying this same kind of distancing behavior over Facebook. If he has two separate Facebook accounts, and one of them consists only of women, then she isn't the only love in his life. He doesn't think of her in terms of an exclusive relationship, or even a relationship at all. So I would ask: what is the appeal of this guy, that she's willing to overlook the obvious (he's a player) in favor of how she wants to see him?

Facebook is often used for dating. Some people like to have separate accounts on Facebook for their professional life and personal life, or maybe even for meeting dates. But when you're dating, there should be full disclosure. If you want to date other people rather than be exclusive, let your dates know so they have the choice and you're on the same page. Don't use Facebook to hide bad behavior.

And if you're falling for someone, make sure you're not overlooking any red flags and that you're not settling for questionable or dishonest behavior. Trust your instincts.

For more information on using this social networking site for dating, you can read our review of Facebook.com.