A Match for Whom?
- Saturday, October 27 2012 @ 09:44 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 986
It’s somewhat surprising, but even in this day and age, it’s common to hear dating advice that recommends pretending to be someone you’re not. It takes many different forms; there are the pick-up artists who literally have lines and approach dating and women like a scientist observing aliens. There are the “traditional” sorts who tell women to “let the man do all the talking.” It’s enough to make me wonder what these people do after the first date. How can you ever get comfortable in a relationship when you’re in a constant state of charade?
Now, that doesn’t mean that we all don’t put our best face forward when it comes to a first date. We probably don’t show up in sweatpants with our hair unbrushed, even if we spend most evenings that way; we clean up and dress nicely. We’re on our “best behavior.” We probably pay attention to what our date is saying a little more closely than we might someone else, and we do our very best to make good conversation. Still, when we do all that we’re striving for the “best version” of ourselves, not someone else.
Another difference that often comes up in dating is self-confidence. You don’t want your words or actions to imply that you don’t have confidence, especially when you actually do. But sometimes, particularly after a bad breakup or another rough time in our lives, our confidence is shaken. What then?
It’s a special case. For some, just acting like they feel better about themselves actually makes them more confident in turn. Others aren’t aware that they’re sending out signals of insecurity, and once they’re made aware of it they go away altogether. In any case, the ultimate goal is never just to act confident; it’s to actually have self-confidence. And it’s feeling confident in who you are already, not feeling like you have to behave differently or be someone else.
As you write your profile and go out on dates, you’ll probably get advice from all directions. Just remember that the end goal is to find someone with whom you’re truly compatible. Ask yourself: will taking this bit of advice help me or hinder me in my search?
Now, that doesn’t mean that we all don’t put our best face forward when it comes to a first date. We probably don’t show up in sweatpants with our hair unbrushed, even if we spend most evenings that way; we clean up and dress nicely. We’re on our “best behavior.” We probably pay attention to what our date is saying a little more closely than we might someone else, and we do our very best to make good conversation. Still, when we do all that we’re striving for the “best version” of ourselves, not someone else.
Another difference that often comes up in dating is self-confidence. You don’t want your words or actions to imply that you don’t have confidence, especially when you actually do. But sometimes, particularly after a bad breakup or another rough time in our lives, our confidence is shaken. What then?
It’s a special case. For some, just acting like they feel better about themselves actually makes them more confident in turn. Others aren’t aware that they’re sending out signals of insecurity, and once they’re made aware of it they go away altogether. In any case, the ultimate goal is never just to act confident; it’s to actually have self-confidence. And it’s feeling confident in who you are already, not feeling like you have to behave differently or be someone else.
As you write your profile and go out on dates, you’ll probably get advice from all directions. Just remember that the end goal is to find someone with whom you’re truly compatible. Ask yourself: will taking this bit of advice help me or hinder me in my search?
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