Tips

Fall is here, and with it are many seasonal first date options. Unlike, say, the winter holidays, Halloween is relatively secular and celebrated by most, so it's less of a sticky subject. And almost everyone loves a fall harvest celebration.

When choosing a seasonal activity for a date, particularly a first date, it's important, as always, to be aware of safety issues. A well-populated city ghost tour is one thing; a trip to a cemetery at midnight is quite another. However, one benefit of fall activities is that many of them actually occur during the day on weekends. A pumpkin-carving festival certainly makes more of an impression than the standard coffee or lunch date.

Fall harvest celebrations often mean one or both of two things: food and the outdoors. Thus, it's not unreasonable to ask your date about any associated problems. For example, are they allergic to apples? Will a hayride make them miserable? You might feel silly asking, but overlooking something like that could mean the difference between a great time and a really long day.

Singles ask me one question more than any other...where can they go to meet people to date?

The question seems easy to those who are in relationships...why not go to a bar and start talking to a cute guy or girl? But what happens when you do this a lot, and your dating life hasn't progressed to much more than a few dates here and there?

Well, there are some answers, but if you are serious about wanting a relationship, you have to put in some time and energy into the search process. And don't expect to meet Mr. Right at a bar, unless you're lucky. Going forward, try out some of these suggestions:

Accept invitations to all parties. That's right. If a friend of a friend you just met invites you to a birthday bash this weekend, go. Don't back out because you don't want to go by yourself. Parties are the best places to go when you're single and available, because they will force you to meet new people and expand your network.

Check out local events for singles. Many places are starting to hold networking events for singles, even grocery stores! Scan your local listings of singles mixers, whether it's wine tasting, happy hours, industry events, or speed dating parties. You're bound to find something interesting.

Join online dating sites. Instead of investing your time in just one site, join a few and compare notes. Be proactive in searching and communicating with people. Don't spend a lot of time emailing and phoning...try to get to the meeting quickly so you don't build up false expectations. This is the environment to meet a lot of people.

Do something you love, but in a group. Want to learn to make sushi or hike to the top of Mount Baldy? Check out local classes, sports groups, or whatever hobby interests you and sign up. Doing something you enjoy puts you in a great frame of mind when meeting new people, and attracts others to you.

Try a new dating experience. Heard of dating in the dark, eye gazing parties, or traditional speed dating? Why not try one of these activities out? Even if you don't meet the right person, you could make some new friends that lead you in that direction. Plus, it gives you something to talk about afterwards. New experiences are beneficial, even when they are outside of your comfort zone.

More singles than ever before are divorced parents. If you want to increase your choices in the dating pool but have no children yourself, should you be open to dating them?

This is an important topic. When you are in a relationship with someone who has children, you are also entering a relationship with their children. They aren't mutually exclusive. So, there are a few things to ask yourself before you get in too deep:

Do I want to be serious with this person? Don't ask to be introduced to your date's children if you aren't sure where the relationship is headed. Children of divorce have enough instability in their lives; don't add to it. Wait until you are ready and feel committed before forming a relationship with the children.

Am I willing to be flexible? Having children is all about flexibility. Schedules change, children require attention, and they need their parents in many situations. If you find yourself constantly disappointed or frustrated because your plans change, this may not be the best situation for you.

Do I want to form a relationship with my date's kids? Ask yourself if you are willing to get to know the kids, to take them out, to have some fun as a family. Forming individual relationships with them is as important as with your partner.

Am I willing to let the children come first? Children require attention from their parents, and often significant others are put on the back burner. The key is flexibility and good communication. Allow your partner to be a good parent, and then they are able to be a good partner to you.

When it comes to relationships, mutual chemistry and attraction are great, but what about compatible intellects? If you love spending time with someone special, but you don't really have much to discuss, there could be a problem.

There are a few questions you can ask yourself to see how important intellectual compatibility is to you in a relationship. If your partner reads The Wall Street Journal every day while you prefer to cut loose and watch Jersey Shore, there are some compromises to make.

Do you and your partner treat each other with respect? Maybe one of you enjoys discussing politics and having stimulating debates while the other prefers to play video games. But do you respect each other's interests, or do you try and convince each other that you're wasting time? The basis for any relationship is mutual respect and consideration.

Are you open to learning about your partner's interests? If the thought of spending another dinner with your boyfriend discussing the latest batch of action movies disgusts you, there may be a problem. Both of you should be open to learning and growing. If you are only willing to discuss things that interest you, there isn't much room to move your relationship forward.

How important is intellectual compatibility to you? If you find yourself questioning the relationship because you don't have much to say to each other, there could be a problem. If you want someone whose interests align with your own, and you find yourself unhappy in relationships that don't provide this, then you should think about moving on.

Remember, your partner can't fulfill all of your needs. If your significant other loves you, treats you with respect, and is a wonderful partner in many other ways, is intellectual compatibility something you can do without? If you have friends who share your passion, spend time with them. Don't expect your partner to share all of your interests. Others in your life can share your passion about politics, 18th Century English literature, or whatever else you find engaging.

We've all been there: your love life doesn't go according to plan, and you find yourself back in the dating game again. What can you do to prevent yourself from falling into a pattern of hopelessness? And does this type of thinking prevent you from finding a good relationship?

The short answer is, our thoughts and actions influence our lives and potential opportunities. Have you ever been around someone who was continually depressed or negative about her personal life? It's hard to attract a good relationship in this state.

Following are some actions and attitudes that may be sabotaging your love life without you realizing it:

Do you stay in bad relationships, or continue to date people who aren't compatible with you, just to avoid being alone? If this is a pattern, it's time to break things off and spend some time soul-searching on your own. You'll have a hard time recognizing and being available to Mr. Right if you're still involved with someone else.

Do you think "all the good ones are taken"? This is another fallacy, even if you feel like you are surrounded by couples. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 42% of adults over age 18 in the U.S. are single. Surely some of them are great catches! Don't fall for this line of thinking, or you will have a hard time opening up to new people you meet.

Being critical of every new date you meet. Do you find yourself listing off all of the things you don't like about the person you're dating? Instead of concentrating on all of the things you don't want, try recognizing aspects of the other person you find attractive. Make a list of everything you see that you do want. This way, you are able to open up and attract more compatible dates.

Avoiding social situations. If you feel depressed because you are alone, you won't be doing yourself any favors by holing up in your apartment and avoiding parties, dates, and gatherings with friends. Find the motivation to put yourself out there. Accept invitations, mingle with new people, and leave the door open for new relationships to come into your life.

Many of us have been hurt in the past. But should your past dictate future romantic relationships?

There are many things to consider when you're not sure if you can trust your current boyfriend or girlfriend. Following are some questions you can ask yourself to help you see things more clearly.

How well do you communicate with each other? Usually, a breakdown in communication is the root of the problem, so my first suggestion is always to try and talk it out. If you have a problem or issue, let your partner know. If you don't address problems, they can't get resolved. So, how can you expect things to change?

Is your partner available? By this I mean emotionally available. Does he make promises he doesn't keep? Does he act distant with you? Does he try and avoid real intimacy and a deeper relationship? Observe his behavior instead of his words. Actions are the real indicator of intentions.

Do you respect each other? Maybe you have great chemistry, but does that mean the relationship is a keeper? Not necessarily. If she doesn't treat you or your concerns with respect and is unwilling to discuss them, there is a problem. Trust is based on mutual respect.

Are you afraid of getting hurt again? Sometimes we don't realize where we are blocked in our own relationships. If someone violated your trust in the past, is this preventing you from moving forward with other relationships? If so, it's time to ask yourself if you are willing to take risks. Love is all about taking chances and placing trust in another person. If you aren't willing to do this, you can't build trust within a relationship.