Tips

We all love reconnecting with old friends on Facebook - including checking status updates just to see what everyone else is up to. But when you're unhappy with your own life, this could be the worst thing you could do.

Have you ever been frustrated by a string of bad dates, checked Facebook, and suddenly noticed all of your friends are posting pictures with their new boyfriends or changing their status updates to "in a relationship?" While it might seem like everyone is coupled up except for you, it's not reality. But Facebook can make us think so.

How often do you post pictures of yourself when you're feeling down - sitting alone on your couch watching TV? Probably not many.

Well, your friends aren't going to share their lonely nights on Facebook either. They won't share the fact that they weren't invited to that awesome party, or the fights they have with their boyfriends, or the issues that come up soon after they get married. These are the parts of a relationship that people don't want to share. Which is why Facebook isn't an accurate depiction of reality. If you feel depressed after logging on to Facebook, you might want to take some time off.

Social media is a great tool, but it can also be harmful if we take it too seriously. You don't want to sabotage your own love life, yet that's exactly what we do when we obsess over everyone else's Facebook status.

Following are some tips to help you focus on you, instead of everyone else on Facebook:

Don't look at Facebook before a date. It can put you in a bad mood, make you more judgmental of your date, cause you to obsess about your successful Facebook friend, and generally change the whole vibe of what the date could be. If you approach your date with a relaxed and confident attitude, trying to have a good time, you likely will have a good time. If Facebook is getting you down, leave it out. With every new person you meet, you have a new opportunity to connect. So let it happen, without Facebook clouding your view.

Don't share your date stories over Facebook. Your friends might love your crazy dating life and offer their opinions, or maybe their own bad date stories, but do you really need them? There's no need to have a public forum on how your dating life is going. Just focus on yourself, who you're meeting, and having a good time. This isn't a contest.

Don't friend your dates too soon. There's too much temptation to see who he's friended and who he's dated. If you're just getting to know him, keep it limited. You might get the wrong idea from his Facebook page, like he would of yours!

Facebook is a great tool, but it's good to know when to disconnect.

The holidays are a time for joyful gatherings and tidings of good cheer, right? Well, not for everyone.

It's also the time of year when many hearts are broken. In fact, most break-ups occur around the holidays. The hurt can be devastating, whether you were part of a long-term couple or even if you'd just started dating and suddenly were abandoned with no explanation or reason why. But no matter how deep and lasting your ties, breaking up over the holidays when everyone around you seems happy and thankful can be a bit overwhelming. You might be tempted to hole up in your room and not come out until January second.

While this move isn't practical, broken hearts do have to be treated with care. Instead of pasting on a smile and going about your holidays as though nothing is wrong, I suggest you take care of yourself by doing the following:

Pamper yourself. Remember that birthday coupon for a massage you got a few months ago? Now is the time to use it. If a mani/pedi is more your style, then make an appointment. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle. You get the picture. Do something for yourself - whether it's relaxing or lifting your spirits.

Call an old friend. Sometimes it helps to reconnect with someone you haven't spoken to in a while - someone who was your best friend or confidant at another time in your life. Find out what's going on with him/her, and share your own story. It can help to talk with someone who has seen you through good times and bad, and loves you for exactly who you are.

Make plans with single friends. Maybe you've been hanging out with a lot of couples, but now is the time to connect with single friends. They can be a great boost, especially if they are really social and get you out of the house and doing fun things. Try not to spend your time downing cocktails and bashing exes - instead, give a toast to your friendship and being there for each other.

Exercise. Sometimes, nothing helps a broken heart like a few extra endorphins. Something about exercising can clear your head, help you focus, and also miraculously lift your spirits. So instead of vegging out in front of the TV all weekend watching romantic comedies, try going for a run at the gym or ice skating at a local outdoor rink. Just get moving.

Give thanks. This might sound cheesy, but it works. Make a list of everything you currently have in your life that you're grateful for. It can be something as small as the banana nut muffins you ate for breakfast or as big as having your sister in your life who always has your back. Reflecting on the good things you have right now really helps put things in perspective and guides you out of heartbreak.

It's that time of year! Houses are strung with lights, carolers are singing, and mistletoe seems to be hanging everywhere. While there's a lot of celebrating and gift-giving all around, the holidays can make some people feel more lonely and excluded. Ever been to a family dinner or office party where everyone was coupled up?

This year, it's time to make a few promises to yourself. If you want to meet someone, it's important to be social and put yourself out there rather than letting the season go by and holing up in your house until January. And if you're coming off a break-up, then it's important to set some boundaries with friends and family (who might want to introduce you to cousin Phil's co-worker) and instead do what feels right for you (thanks but no thanks!).

Following are some tips for the holiday season:

Keep office parties professional. Maybe you love your co-workers and have gone to happy hours with them on several occasions, but an office party is different. Consider it an extension of your workday. You don't want to drink too much and subsequently flirt with your boss's husband. Keep your personal life out of office politics - even during the holidays. There are plenty of other places to meet people.

Reign in family gatherings. Do you feel like you get cornered by Aunt Sally at every holiday meal because she wants to know all about who you're dating and why you're not married? Instead of searching for answers to her questions, politely excuse yourself and let her know you're just fine being solo. Many people feel a responsibility to get their single friends and family a partner, but it's okay to let them know you're not interested.

Accept invitations to parties, dinners. Afraid of going alone to your friend's holiday party? Resist the urge to call your ex boyfriend and ask him to go with you. A wise friend once told me that men and women are attracted to people who go to parties alone - it makes them look confident, mysterious and sexy! Who doesn't want that? Don't turn down the invitation if you can't find a date - instead, embrace the opportunity. You might end up with a date by the end of the night.

Embrace the spirit of the season. I love the holidays, and certain rituals I grew up with make me happy no matter if I'm alone or with someone. I still like to bake cookies, volunteer, and decorate my home. Do you have a special ritual that you do over the holidays, like getting a massage or going out for Chinese food? Have you wanted to volunteer with your local food bank or women's shelter? Now is the time to do what makes you feel good to get in the holiday spirit.

Are you online dating, wondering how to juggle your holiday schedule? Or have you met someone great, but you're not sure whether or not to bring her to your office holiday party or family gathering?

The holiday season can be stressful, because there is so much going on and expectations can run a little higher than usual. Remember not to put pressure on yourself or any budding relationships - after all, if this were May instead of December, would you be pushing her to meet your family? Probably not.

Remember to relax, sit back, and enjoy yourself. Following are some tips to keep you on track.

No expensive gifts. If you just started dating, then you might want to hold off on purchasing that iPad mini for your love - no matter how smitten you might be. Don't look to impress because it's the holiday season. Besides, your date doesn't want you to give him an iPad when all he gave you was a scarf. And if you just started dating, you might want to consider having a conversation about not exchanging gifts at all.

Mix things up. This is a great time of year to avoid your typical dinner and drinks date. Instead, offer to take her sledding, ice skating under the stars, or strolling through the neighborhoods that go all-out with their Christmas decorations. There are plenty of great options if you just look.

Careful with family invitations. Maybe your parents are excited to meet the new guy you've been talking about, but is the holiday season the best time to introduce him? It might put unnecessary pressure and expectations on your relationship. Save the introductions until you've been dating a while, and bring him home to mom and dad when you're both ready.

Don't expect an invitation in return. If you decided to invite your new love to your family gatherings and office holiday parties, don't be upset if he doesn't return the favor. Relationships move at their own pace, and shouldn't be dictated by a holiday schedule. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or your date.

Take things slow. Are you dating more than one guy this season? Have they both asked you to holiday parties and family dinners? Maybe it's time to take a step back. Instead of trying to juggle your commitments, let your dates know that you're not ready for anything serious or to meet the family. Just spend time dating each man and get to know them better, as you would any other time of year. Don't feel pressured to make a commitment just because of the holidays. Take your time, relax, and enjoy.

I spent a few days in Chicago and was reminded that in many parts of the country, fall is brief and winter comes around when you least suspect it. One day you are enjoying a nice afternoon in the park, the next the wind is nipping at you and you find yourself searching frantically for your heavy coat.

So how do you plan for a great date with all of this crazy and unpredictable weather?

While dating in good weather is an ideal situation because you can take advantage of the outdoors, cold weather offers a lot of opportunities that you might not even think about. Before you make plans for drinks, dinner, or a movie, consider some of these date alternatives:

Visit an art gallery. Maybe you can't enjoy a nice hike or the beach, but there's plenty of culture to be found in every city. Check out a neighborhood you haven't visited much to see about local galleries, or if your city has an artwalk, then check it out with a date.

Take a cooking class together. Nothing is more romantic than cooking for each other. In this case, learning how to make a new dish together in the comfort of a warm kitchen.

Painting parties. Getting together with other singles for a glass of wine and a blank canvas might seem intimidating, but it's a great and different way to break the ice with your date (so to speak). Don't worry, you don't have to be Monet, you just have to be able to hold a paintbrush. Painting parties are happening across the country - check your local listings for dates and times.

Improv/comedy theatres. Instead of a movie, try supporting your local theatre instead. Many cities offer a stand-up night at certain clubs, or have a theatre dedicated to improv comedy troupes for very reasonable prices.

Check out local festivals and events. Cold weather offers some interesting opportunities, like beer tasting and bratwurst, or nighttime hayrides, or perhaps a harvest festival with food, warm cocktails, and music. Check local listings for events near you.

Pick a museum. Has it been a while since you visited the Natural History or contemporary arts museum? Chances are, they aren't high on your must-see list when the weather is nice. But winter months are perfect for museum tours, and offer you an active date (strolling through exhibitions) rather than a passive date like ordering drinks at the bar.

Enjoy the season!

Around the holidays, it's easy to get caught up in the bustle - shopping for gifts for friends and family, going to holiday parties, and keeping an active social life. But sometimes it can feel like a bit much - which is why a lot of people tend to get depressed over the holidays.

For some, the holidays are a reminder of everything you don't have in your life - whether it's money, a house you love, a good career, family close by, or a romantic partner. There is evidence of happiness all around you - in the decorations or non-stop Christmas music, and yet you don't feel inspired or happy. You see couples holding hands and families laughing together and you might wonder why you're still alone.

While you can't help your feelings, it's also important to remind yourself to be grateful for all the things you already have in your life. That's really what the holidays are about. And gratitude, more than anything else, will help you attract more happiness and love to your life.

While this might sound like a cliché, reminding yourself really works. Make a list! Here are some questions to help you get there:

What have you accomplished? For the entire year of 2013, write down all of the things you've accomplished that you're grateful for, no matter how small. Did you finish that half marathon? Did you start saving for a trip to Belize? Did you learn a little bit of French? Did you clean out your garage? These victories are all important reminders of what you are capable of, and the future you are working towards.

Who do you love? When you're sad about your love life and feel like you'll never find the right person, it's good to remind yourself about who is most important to you right now. Maybe it's your best friend, who always lets you cry on her shoulder, or maybe it's your Aunt Susan who has a plate of warm cookies for you whenever you visit. Remember the people who are there for you and send a little thank you note to each of them this holiday season. That means more than any purchase.

What do you love to do? Is there something you are passionate about, whether it's writing poetry, playing guitar, or surfing? The holiday season is a great time to indulge in those activities you most enjoy, and remind yourself that no matter what, you have passions in your life that can bring you joy. That's something to be grateful for.

Volunteer. If you're really stuck, volunteering to help those less fortunate than you is always a good reminder of how much you have in your life. Whether you go to a soup kitchen or help the single mother who lives down the street by offering to babysit her children, you're sending love into the world. And that is a good thing, no matter what time of year it is.