Technology

Judgment and dating go hand in hand. Even before online dating became so popular, singles would assess their dates based on a few traits they deemed important – like sense of humor, work ethic, kindness, or how hot they looked in a pair of jeans - to see whether or not they were worth a second date. But at least you could go on a first date knowing essentially nothing, hoping for the best. You had to deal with the element of surprise before you were allowed to judge.

Now, all of the mystery has been removed from dating. Dating websites like OkCupid allow you not only to see the profiles of potential dates and pick them apart, but you can also see ratings given by other people (that is, if you pay $10 for the premium service). If one of your matches gets two stars out of five, you’d be less likely to ask him/ her out. After all, aren’t we influenced by the opinions of others?

The more important question is: should we be so influenced, especially when it comes to meeting someone for the first time?

Dating apps like Lulu are focused solely on reviews. The app was intended to be a place where women could get feedback about potential dates before they decided to go out with them, kind of a girlfriend safety mechanism. But it is actually more like a Yelp for dating – where women rate guys according to their looks, how they behaved on a date, sense of humor, and other qualities. So if a guy receives a low score, women who check him out on Lulu would probably avoid dating him.

The problem with this rating system is two-fold. First, the numbers can be skewed. Sure, maybe the guy is a jerk and has twenty women who will agree with that assessment. Then his low rating makes sense, and other women would want to know before going out with him. However, if a guy only has a couple of reviews, and one of them is from a jilted ex, then it brings his overall score down. In fact, what’s to stop any woman from retaliation through Lulu’s rating system?

The second problem with Lulu’s system is that it disqualifies too many potential dates based on factors that might not be important to every woman. For instance, maybe a man’s sense of humor rates low because the women he’s been out with didn’t understand his quirky style. Does that mean you – his next potential date – shouldn’t go out with him? What if his sense of humor is exactly your type?

Rating systems serve a good purpose in dating as far as warning women of potentially bad dates. But if you base whether or not to take a chance on someone solely on a rating system, you are severely limiting your options. Because you never know who the right guy for you is until you actually meet him.

Online dating has been around for a while, but dating apps are a relatively new phenomenon and are soaring in popularity. And why wouldn’t they? Most of us have a phone with us at all times, and if you’re single, you’re probably more social than your married counterparts – which means you’re not sitting at home in front of your laptop. But does that mean the matches you get on Tinder are working out for you?

Dating apps are easy to use, the majority of them are free, and they provide instant access to available singles in your immediate area. What’s not to like? The ease and convenience of apps is not lost on some of the more traditional online dating sites, like Match.com, who offer their own apps. But sometimes it’s easier to scroll through the app than it is to actually meet someone new and start dating. So how do you move from texting to an actual date?

Following are 5 tips to help you get past the swipe left/right phase and to the in-person meet:

Try a new app. While everyone seems to be downloading Tinder (if only for the fun of scrolling through photos while you’re waiting in line or on a lunch break), it’s not the only dating app around. Some apps like Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel are geared towards the more serious dater, because they offer matches based on your Facebook network, rather than just random people who happen to be near you. Maybe it’s time to check out something new.

Don’t just scroll when you’re bored. Know what you want. What’s your goal in using a dating app? Are you just looking to hook up, or for something more substantial? This makes a huge difference in your experience. If you are looking for a relationship, you might get easily frustrated by Tinder. If so, decide to put time and effort into your search, and be a little more discerning about who you go out with. Don’t meet for last-minute drinks at 10:00.

Check in regularly. “You snooze, you lose” really applies to online dating. If you’re not checking in on a regular basis with your dating site or app, then likely you won’t get the results you want. Again, time and effort is key. You never know from day to day who your matches might bring, so set aside at least 30 minutes a day to check.

Update your photos and profile. Some dating apps have restrictions on the number of photos you can post, or they might just pull info from your Facebook page. If this is the case, be sure to change them out every few weeks. Depending on what you post, you could attract different types of people. Variety is key in dating.

Say “yes” more. Not sure about him/her? Say yes to a match. Start chatting and see what happens. Many times we bypass people unless something really captures our attention. But why? Dating is all about seeing what is possible. Say yes to more people and see your dating life change for the better.

We all know about dating app Tinder by now. It’s known less for its accuracy in matchmaking and more for its accessibility in meeting people anytime, anywhere – who are up for a brief fling or flirtatious chat. While Tinder is getting a lot of name recognition, another dating app called Hinge is slowly surfacing, city by city, taking the dating app world by storm and attracting a recent round of $4.5 million in venture capital money.

Why is Hinge getting so much attention (and money)? Because it is differentiating itself from Tinder in the most basic of ways. Hinge is focused on the quality of matches, which means instead of scrolling through endless photos and swiping left or right, the app finds a fixed number of matches for each user that they think suit you. Hinge is all about playing matchmaker. (It also doesn’t help Tinder that its CMO Justin Mateen was suspended recently for sexual harassment.)

Hinge matches people based on particular factors, namely profession, education history, and interests, as well who you’ve been interested in previously. What’s different about the dating app is that it’s not just pairing you with people from your circles with the same job or who went to the same college. Hinge looks for less obvious connections, like that Ivy League college alums like to intermingle, or that guys in finance like to date female lawyers. Plus, matches are all gained through your Facebook circles (friends of friends only), and you must have a Facebook friend who’s already on Hinge in order to join. It makes for a kind of exclusive club feeling.

Hinge started small in the D.C. area, but it’s iOS and Android userbase is up 300% this year in the nine cities it operates in: DC, Philadelphia, NYC, Boston, San Francisco, Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas, and L.A.

Hinge however isn’t focused solely on the dating game. They want to move in the direction of the so-called “social discovery” app, where they match people who could be friends based on interests.

The new $4.5 million round from Founders Fund and Lowercase Capital brings Hinge to $8.6 million in total funding. Right now, Hinge is free, but in order to be profitable for its investors the company is probably looking into adding premium services for a fee, or potentially licensing its technology, according to website Tech Crunch.

For now, it’s slow-growth approach and catered matchmaking are making it a big hit, especially among the more serious and discerning female daters. It will be interesting to see where it goes next.

Let’s face it, most of us have a phone in our hands a majority of the day, and during that time, our faces are buried in text messages, emails, Facebook, Instagram, or in apps to get us home or to the restaurant to meet friends. But can we disconnect long enough to connect with someone else in real life?

When I go out with my friends, I make a conscious effort to leave my phone in my purse, to turn off the ringer, to have a conversation that doesn’t include constant distraction. And it can be hard – especially if I’m expecting an email or text from work, or I want to check in with Twitter or Facebook. But as I read recently, the most important thing we can do in our lives is to create memories. And how can we create memories if we’re constantly distracted and bringing ourselves out of the present moment?

It’s the same with dating. It’s hard enough to connect with a stranger romantically, but when you add the distraction of cell phones to the mix, it’s even harder. Instead of becoming attached to your phone – for safety, for preventing social awkwardness, or for distraction – try putting it away and taking things one moment at a time – concentrating on what’s right in front of you.

Following are some tips when it comes to smartphones and dating:

Decide to be present. Sometimes emergencies crop up, but that doesn’t mean you keep your cell phone out and ready to pick up on the first ring during your date. If you’re expecting a call from your boss or a family member, knowing you’ll be spending the evening worrying or waiting, then why not postpone to a better night? Give your date a real chance by being fully present.

No photos. Maybe you’re addicted to Instagram and can’t help but take pictures of the cocktail you’re drinking or perhaps the gorgeous pasta dish in front of you. Resist this compulsion on a first date. Really, your food will taste better and you won’t be distracted with all the posting. Not every moment has to be documented.

No play-by-play on Twitter. I know some people who like to keep a record of their dates for the public to see, or who have to check their feeds every few minutes. But honestly, Twitter and Facebook can wait until after your date is over. Besides, if you write something bad about your date, assume he will see it – either on your phone or on your feed. Is that really how you want to conduct your dating life?

Text your date after the fact. If you had a good time, let him know! If not, tell him thanks but you’re just not a match. It shows you are courteous, which is a real plus when it comes to dating.

 

Facebook has been in the online dating game for a while, albeit subtly. Many popular mobile dating apps use your Facebook networks to help you meet new singles, or at the very least, verify you are who you say you are. For instance, Tinder sets up your account using information from Facebook, even though it is GPS-based matching. So it only makes sense that Facebook would cut to the chase and see if they could get people to interact directly through their site instead of through third-party apps.

Turns out, Facebook is doing this by making user profiles more interactive.

The “relationship status” option of each user’s Facebook profile has always sparked a little bit of controversy becasue people use it to hurt their beloved as well as to share information with friends. After all, how many people announce their status over Facebook before actually talking to their boyfriend/ girlfriend, and how many use it as a weapon to pick a fight? Sometimes “it’s complicated” can bring about a barrage of questions that you don’t want to answer.

So it’s no wonder the new “ask” feature on Facebook makes many people feel even more uncomfortable. Ask allows you to ask another person what their relationship status is if they have chosen not to include it in their profile.

If you’re one of those Facebook users that prefers to keep this information to yourself, you are given the option of sending the “asker” a message or letting them know from the usual drop-down box choices whether you’re single, in a relationship, separated, in a domestic partnership, etc.

While this might seem to some a good way to strike up a conversation with someone who interests you on Facebook, it might seem to others to feel a little bit creepy. If you decide to ask someone about her relationship status, you must also explain why, which can be humbling. A little pop-up box displays when you click the “ask” button so that you can explain yourself.

In addition to asking about someone’s relationship status, you can also ask him about where he lives, what his job is, and other basic profile information.

The upside of all of this prying? Users have to be friends on Facebook before they can use the “ask” feature, so you can’t approach a total stranger. Also, there is no anonymity – the person being asked will see that it is you who is asking (along with your profile).

So maybe it’s better to take an old-school approach: just send the object of your affection a Facebook message, asking her out on a date.

To find out how to use this site to find dates you can read our Facebook review.

Online dating has become a typical way to meet people outside of your own social networks. In fact, the majority of people have tried it at least once.

But what about the opportunity to connect via social media? Most people have a Facebook or Twitter account, and they contain a wealth of information about what we like, who we are, who are friends are, and what we do. The natural progression of social media is to harness this information and look to who might benefit from it – including online daters.

In fact, eHarmony released a study recently which found 7% of people who married after meeting online had met for the first time on social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace and ClassMates – not through matchmaking chat rooms, online dating sites or other romance-based online connections.

In an article in Time Magazine, Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of Communication Studies at University of Kansas, decided to investigate this connection. He wanted to learn more about who was meeting their significant others through social media, and how well these marriages fared.

He surveyed over 19,000 people who had been married between 2005 and 2012, and asked them how they’d met. Those who met on social networking sites were more likely to be younger and married more recently compared to those who met online in other ways. He was surprised to find that those who met via social networking sites were just as happy as those who met online, and those who met online in general were happier than those couples who met in more traditional ways, such as through friends.

Social networking sites have potential advantages over online dating sites, Hall noted. For one, you can meet people through networks of friends, which means there is some connection first. This puts many people – especially women – more at ease. Also, people are more likely to represent themselves in an honest light over Facebook, because their friends are reading their posts and making comments. You get a more complete view of the person you’re meeting – where she likes to eat, what TV shows she watches, what she does for a living. A Facebook page is a little more personal than an online dating profile.

Another interesting finding in the study was that most of the marriages resulting from social media connections were among African Americans. Hall attributes this to the fact that African Americans and Latinos were over-represented on social networking sites between 2005 and 2012, and use social networks to engage with their already close network of friends.

Social media is an important part of making romantic connections, and is growing in popularity every day. Maybe it’s time to check Facebook if you want to meet someone new.