Technology

When you swipe right on someone’s profile, you have a good idea of your physical preferences and what kind of person you are attracted to. Maybe you like a certain body type or hair color or height, but after that, it gets a little more complex. Maybe you like a particular person’s smile, or that they seem to have a wicked sense of humor or arty style in their photography.

While swiping is making it easier to go through profiles and accept or reject someone at whim, is it becoming more automatic the longer we swipe? Are we careful in our choices, or do we casually and without much thought say yes or no? Do we want someone (or something) else to do the swiping for us, someone who knows our preferences as well or even better than we do? It would save time and effort, but do we want to disengage from matching entirely?

At least one researcher is asking the question. He thinks we can be consistent enough in our picks that a computer can pick up on what we like and do the swiping for us. And why shouldn't this be an option?

Harm de Vries, a post-doctoral researcher at the Université de Montreal, thinks computers would make excellent choices on our behalf, and set about proving it with a recent study.

According to an article in PC World, De Vries scraped 10,000 photos from Tinder and gave a computer his opinion of 8,000 of them. Then he let the computer determine his likes and dislikes for the remaining 2,000, thinking this sample was reflective and large enough to be pretty accurate. Unfortunately, it managed to be right only 55% of the time. In other words, it wasn’t much better than closing your eyes and swiping arbitrarily.

De Vries decided to test a larger sample, so he pulled almost 500,000 photos from OkCupid. With a greater number of images to work with, the computer achieved a higher success rate – 68% - but still managed to correctly agree with only two out of every three choices made by DeVries.

Still, De Vries is hopeful that computers can assist in the decision-making process. He thinks even services like Twitter can benefit from computer learning, which is still pretty accurate even compared to human learning. "One of my friends who collaborated with me got to learn my preferences and he managed 76 percent accuracy, so even for humans it's pretty hard."

Choosing who we are attracted to is not an exact  science – we are all attracted to people that don’t necessarily have our “favored” characteristics, like dark hair or an athletic body, but they can still possess something that we find very compelling.

The point is – do we want to control our choices, or have a computer just do it for us?

Japan has a well-deserved reputation for being a techno locally advanced nation, but there's one piece of the technological puzzle they haven't mastered: online dating.

Japan is a cultural and economic powerhouse faced with a serious population crisis. The country's overall population will reportedly contract by almost a third within the next 90 years. Its birthrate is one of the lowest on earth, and the marriage rate is also declining.

On top of that, a 2014 survey conducted by the Japan Family Planning Association found that 49% of all respondents had not had sex in the past month, and 18% of men said they had no interest in sex at all.

Add it all together, and you have a country facing some very unique problems. What happens when people no longer want to procreate?

The answer to that remains to be seen. For now, many are asking how Japan got there in the first place and what can be done about it.

Comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg address the issue in their new book, Modern Romance. "The Japanese are legitimately worried about running out of Japanese people," they write.

One reason could be a cultural fear of being perceived as the sleazy, superficial player-type known as “charai.” Online dating carries a similar social stigma in many countries, but it could be amplified in Japan, causing Japanese singles to avoid it entirely.

Another issue could be online dating's reliance on profile photos. "In Japan, posting any pictures of yourself, especially selfie-style photos, comes off as really douchey,” reads Modern Romance. Instead of posting selfies, which are considered too narcissistic, Japanese singles post photos with multiple people – or even no people at all. It wouldn't be unusual to come across a profile with a picture of a pet or a posession, like a rice cooker.

And that's not all. According to a recent Fast Company article, many singles in Japan view online dating as a scam. Scams sites proliferated back in the 90s, and reports of scams aren't scarce today either. It's scared many singles away and done nothing to reduce the stigma.

Some are using social networking and meetup sites to meet new people, but out-in-the-open online dating is still a controversial subject in a country that prizes subtlety. Companies like Tinder, Match, and OkCupid can't flourish in Japan because the cultural differences are too great.

With young Japanese singles increasingly expressing frustration, the country's dating scene is ready for the “disruption” Silicon Valley startups are so fond of touting. The question is, which company will step up and be the first to blaze a trail into the brave new world?

The debate about social media is nothing new.

Supporters say social networking sites allow us to stay more connected than ever before, no matter how many miles are in between. Detractors say all that connectedness is doing us harm – or, worse, isn't real connection at all.

Regardless of which side you fall on, we can all agree on one thing: social media makes dating even more confusing.

Gone are the days of anxiously waiting for the next chance to see your crush, or slowly revealing parts of your life as you get to know someone. We drive ourselves crazy monitoring every single update on our love interests' social media, and that isn't helping anyone.

For the sake of your sanity, you need to simplify. Avoid these 4 social media mistakes to streamline your love life.

1. Don't cyber stalk. It's hard not to do this, especially when you're online dating. In fact, a small amount of research might be a good thing for online daters – but only enough to confirm that you're talking to a real person who you feel safe meeting, and nothing more. There's no reason to go so far down the social media rabbit hole that you know the name of your date's high school girlfriend. If things go well, you'll find out everything you need or want to know organically.
2. Don't overshare. Social media is meant for communication, but that's no reason to unleash an explosive case of verbal diarrhea on your unsuspecting followers. You don't need to catalogue every up and down of your dating life. If you're happy, resist the urge to gush. If you're unhappy, resist the urge to write bitter missives condemning love. One day you may feel differently, and the old posts will be uncomfortable reminders of the past.
3. Don't follow in the first place. If the first two rules are too hard for you to follow, follow this one instead: no friending or following. When you're in the early stages of dating, social media is a minefield of potential disasters just waiting to explode. The easiest way to avoid the anxiety is not to add each other in the first place. Not that you can't ever do it, but it's best left for a time when the relationship feels more secure. Get to know each other in person, not through a screen.
4. Don't compare. Even if you're not in a relationship, social media rules apply. Research has found that negative emotional consequences arise from comparing yourself to others on social media. It's an incomplete picture – we only show our best and brightest moments online, meaning it's easy to assume our friends have perfect lives when reality could be much different. It's impossible to compare the surface portrayed by a social media profile to your fully three-dimensional life. Don't let it get you down if you're single and it seems like all your friends are ecstatically in love.

The bottom line is, social media is a great tool – as long as you stay aware of the added pressures it brings to the rest of your life.

Most of us are so addicted to our phones we carry them with us wherever we go.

But we’re all different in terms of how we use our phones. Some of us can’t wait to check into Facebook and Instagram. Others scroll endlessly through emails, trying to catch up on work. Still others blast off text messages or do Facetime with friends. And if you’re dating? Of course you’ll be swiping through your Tinder or Hinge accounts, just to see if anyone new and interesting pops up.

While most of us check our phones throughout the day, not all of us use it in the same way. Some of us can't resist looking through social media every ten minutes. Others will only look at texts or emails when we get a notice.

Think about how you use your phone. Do you message your matches as soon as you swipe right, or do you wait until you have some free time to start communicating? Do you prioritize answering your work emails before getting back to your upcoming date about where to meet? When you send a flirty text or “like” a date’s Instagram pic, are you insulted when you don’t get an immediate response?

Here’s what I’m getting at: Do you expect your dates to respond or interact in a certain way because that’s what you do?

When it comes to dating and communication, we often don’t realize that different people use technology in different ways. Some people don’t text back right away because they are at work or in the middle of a big project that demands their attention. Others feel uncomfortable with flirting/ sexting, and might decide to drop the conversation. Still others would rather check you out on social media before messaging you back.

Some people don’t want to text at all and prefer to talk on the phone, especially when they are getting to know someone. (Men by far outnumber women on this point, according to a 2011 Shape Magazine study on texting habits.) It’s hard to pick up on social cues over text, plus you can get a sense of the person’s energy and communication style when you actually talk to him.

Instead of judging your date’s texting etiquette or jumping to conclusions about how they feel or whether or not they are really busy, try a different approach. Take a step back and don’t look for that immediate response, or a response that suits your needs or mood. Instead, try giving the person a call or setting up a real in-person date so you can see their true communication style.

It’s very difficult to understand what someone else is thinking/ feeling/ doing when you communicate over smartphones, so try not to make this your main line of communication. While it’s fine to keep in touch, make sure that you actually talk to your dates, too. Though we often don’t want to believe this, texting relationships tend to fizzle out. So get to know your date in person, too.

It happens in dating – you meet someone, you exchange numbers or friend him/her on Facebook, and then you want to reach out. Maybe you can’t stop thinking about him, or maybe he left a good impression when you first spoke. Regardless, let’s say you’ve had a few drinks and you’re feeling pretty fearless.

Next thing you know, you’ve sent a flirtatious text to someone you don’t even know that well. Maybe you are feeling more fearless when a couple of minutes goes by with no response, so you send another, flirtier message.

Soon, you’ve sent five messages with no response, and now you are sending yourself into a tailspin of negative self-talk. What is wrong with me? You ask. Why isn’t he texting me back?

At some point, likely the next day when you are picking up your phone to go through your emails, you look back on those texts you sent and cringe. Then the negative self-talk increases. Why did I have to text him so many times? What is wrong with me? Why did I text him at all?

We all do things we regret. Not every social encounter where you feel attracted to someone is going to result in a date. And there is a lot of pressure involved in reaching out to someone you don’t know – what do you say? Will they get your sense of humor? These anxieties we harbor make it much easier to communicate when we are not “in our right minds” – so to speak. Maybe you should have waited to reach out until the next day, or maybe you should only have sent one text instead of five. But what’s done is done, and it’s important to move past it.

Instead of feeling embarrassed and ashamed, it’s time to understand that communication slip-ups are part of the dating process. We all make mistakes. We misunderstand each other. You in all likelihood have received drunk or regrettable texts from other guys, too.

There is nothing wrong with making yourself vulnerable or expressing your interest in someone else. But when you obsess over a mistake, you are preventing yourself from moving on. Instead, you get wrapped up in your own patterns and behavior. But really, we should all take ourselves a little less seriously, and take respect and caring for others a little more seriously. In fact, extending compassion and kindness to your dates who just weren’t right for you – whether it’s because they drunk texted or you just aren’t into them – is the way to a better dating environment for all.

If you regret sending that text, make the decision to accept your mistake. And understand that just because you didn’t get the response you were after, it doesn’t mean you suck at dating and you just shouldn’t bother. In fact, it’s good to remind yourself in these moments of all the things you are – a good person, smart, kind, and respectful. Dwell on these positive self-talk messages for a while, and again, extend that kindness and forgiveness to others. There’s no need to be snarky in your own dating life.

When we think of abusive relationships, we often think of adults with dysfunctional, toxic partners. However, abusive relationships among dating teens is on the rise. According to a recent study revealed at the most recent meeting of the American Psychological Association, an overwhelming 49% of teens have experienced some form of abuse in their romantic relationships.

According to an article in DatingAdvice.com, Based on 2011 and 2012 data from a Growing Up with Media survey of 1,058 teens between the ages of 14 and 20, researchers concluded that almost half of adolescents who have dated someone have been victims of violence at least once in their lives, and astoundingly, 46 percent have been the perpetrator of violence.

Abusive relationships can take on many forms, but most often when we think of abuse, we think of physical or sexual abuse. However, some types of abuse are emotional or psychological, and therefore harder to identify or understand. Such is the case with many abusive teen relationships. Roughly 21% of teen relationships in the study were found to involve sexual or physical abuse. As is more often the case, the majority of abusive relationships tend to be emotional, especially with use of digital technology to manipulate a romantic relationship.

Emotional abuse seems to account for a large majority of the study’s results as it can come in various forms ranging from verbal name-calling to psychological manipulation. This type of abuse happens often via texting and digital means, as well as in person.

Another surprising result noted in the study was that the overall rates of teen dating violence are similar for both boys and girls. Twenty-nine percent of girls and 24% of boys admitted to playing the role of both victim and abuser in their relationships. Researchers discovered there was a lot of overlap in those who had been abused and those who were victim to it.

Researchers at the American Psychological Association said that violence should be studied more specifically, instead of categorizing those in relationships as either “victims” or “abusers,” as there is more of a gray line. This lack of understanding of the whole picture can lead to ineffective prevention of violent relationships.

Researchers acknowledged that young people who experience abusive relationships are more apt to enter into adulthood with emotional challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse issues. Almost a quarter of women who reported experiencing partner violence as adults had also experienced some type of abuse when they were young.