The Good in the Bad
- Tuesday, December 10 2013 @ 06:53 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,243
Statistically, there are those who find love on the very first date they set up via an online dating site. Yep, they wrote their profile, messaged (or were messaged by) someone, met in person, and sparks flew. They might be rare, but they do exist.
However, they’re outliers. For the rest of us, a little time, patience, and yes, unsuccessful dates are likely to be found along the way. And that’s not even a bad thing.
Many people sign up for online dating sites when they’re reeling from some sort of upheaval. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s suddenly come to an end. Maybe it’s a startling revelation about being pro-active in romance. Maybe it’s a giddy moment with friends. Rarely is it a cool, calculated move at the end of a long, boring afternoon.
As such, not all people know exactly what they’re looking for. They don’t always know what truly makes someone else compatible. They might not have separated fantasy (“I want to date a supermodel!”) from confidence (“I deserve someone who respects me as much as I’d respect them.”). They’re dealing in abstract concepts, instead of real people.
That’s where the dating comes in. Every date shapes you as well as your potential match. Your expectations and desires are refined; you’re able to better define what’s really important to you, or even learn something about the sort of person you’re drawn to. Even if you aren’t ultimately compatible, you might learn why. And if you’re going on “bad” dates over and over again, you can examine whether the problem lies in your search process.
Over time, your dating might feel less like spinning a wheel and more like you’re getting closer to hitting the bullseye. Now, when someone with whom you truly share a spark comes along, it feels all the more obvious and dramatic. And you’re confident that you’re not missing out on something better.
You might not have entered the world of online dating fully prepared and ready to find romance, but there’s something to be learned from every date. Are you approaching your “unsuccessful” dates from an educational perspective?
However, they’re outliers. For the rest of us, a little time, patience, and yes, unsuccessful dates are likely to be found along the way. And that’s not even a bad thing.
Many people sign up for online dating sites when they’re reeling from some sort of upheaval. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s suddenly come to an end. Maybe it’s a startling revelation about being pro-active in romance. Maybe it’s a giddy moment with friends. Rarely is it a cool, calculated move at the end of a long, boring afternoon.
As such, not all people know exactly what they’re looking for. They don’t always know what truly makes someone else compatible. They might not have separated fantasy (“I want to date a supermodel!”) from confidence (“I deserve someone who respects me as much as I’d respect them.”). They’re dealing in abstract concepts, instead of real people.
That’s where the dating comes in. Every date shapes you as well as your potential match. Your expectations and desires are refined; you’re able to better define what’s really important to you, or even learn something about the sort of person you’re drawn to. Even if you aren’t ultimately compatible, you might learn why. And if you’re going on “bad” dates over and over again, you can examine whether the problem lies in your search process.
Over time, your dating might feel less like spinning a wheel and more like you’re getting closer to hitting the bullseye. Now, when someone with whom you truly share a spark comes along, it feels all the more obvious and dramatic. And you’re confident that you’re not missing out on something better.
You might not have entered the world of online dating fully prepared and ready to find romance, but there’s something to be learned from every date. Are you approaching your “unsuccessful” dates from an educational perspective?
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