A Different Kind of Speedy Dating
- Tuesday, September 10 2013 @ 07:03 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,140
When you start contacting people you’ve found through online dating sites, it’s best to remember why you’re using the site in the first place: as a tool to find people to meet. ‘Meet,’ here, is the operative word. In many respects, online dating can be the best of both worlds; for example, some who aren’t great at expressing themselves on the fly can make their best first impression through a great profile. But the true test of chemistry still lies in that first meeting; prolonging that isn’t giving you the best of anything.
Still, some are cagey about taking the plunge and scheduling that first date. Sure, you seem to have a few things in common. Sure, your prospective match also seems interested in you. But going on a date... “putting your compatibility to the test”... it all seems like too much pressure! Plus, what if it turns out you’re not compatible at all and you’re trapped with your date somewhere for hours? Perhaps the next email will reveal whether you’re truly compatible before you have to go on the date. ...Or maybe the next email after that.
The reality of the situation is that until you take that next step, it doesn’t matter how many emails you send: you’re in a holding pattern and the truth will not magically reveal itself. If anything, it might confuse things, if you happen to like your date’s online persona better than their in-person reality. But never fear! There’s actually quite a simple mini-step that might help you get over your anxiety: the casual coffee meet-up.
Some might call it a “date,” but you don’t have to if it would make things easier. The casual meet-up can happen day or night, depending on the schedules of those involved. The dress is more casual, and the venue is something speedier, like coffee or brunch. It’s not meant to be a long-running date, so it’s no problem if you have to head back to work or off to some other scheduled activity - but if things go so well that it winds up taking longer, that’s not a bad thing either.
For many, these meet-ups function as a casual sort of “date before the date.” You can schedule them quickly and not over-think them too much before they happen. You’re not spending too much or trying to be someone you’re not. If you’re utterly incompatible, you’re not stuck on a bad date for ages. And if you do have that spark, you’re just whetting your appetites for more.
Are these meet-ups much different than a regular first date? Maybe not, but by framing them in a casual context, you’re not placing as much pressure on yourself and your date. And perhaps the more relaxed, less committed tone will allow you to take that plunge a little sooner than you otherwise might. Just make sure your date is on the same page! What are you waiting for?
Still, some are cagey about taking the plunge and scheduling that first date. Sure, you seem to have a few things in common. Sure, your prospective match also seems interested in you. But going on a date... “putting your compatibility to the test”... it all seems like too much pressure! Plus, what if it turns out you’re not compatible at all and you’re trapped with your date somewhere for hours? Perhaps the next email will reveal whether you’re truly compatible before you have to go on the date. ...Or maybe the next email after that.
The reality of the situation is that until you take that next step, it doesn’t matter how many emails you send: you’re in a holding pattern and the truth will not magically reveal itself. If anything, it might confuse things, if you happen to like your date’s online persona better than their in-person reality. But never fear! There’s actually quite a simple mini-step that might help you get over your anxiety: the casual coffee meet-up.
Some might call it a “date,” but you don’t have to if it would make things easier. The casual meet-up can happen day or night, depending on the schedules of those involved. The dress is more casual, and the venue is something speedier, like coffee or brunch. It’s not meant to be a long-running date, so it’s no problem if you have to head back to work or off to some other scheduled activity - but if things go so well that it winds up taking longer, that’s not a bad thing either.
For many, these meet-ups function as a casual sort of “date before the date.” You can schedule them quickly and not over-think them too much before they happen. You’re not spending too much or trying to be someone you’re not. If you’re utterly incompatible, you’re not stuck on a bad date for ages. And if you do have that spark, you’re just whetting your appetites for more.
Are these meet-ups much different than a regular first date? Maybe not, but by framing them in a casual context, you’re not placing as much pressure on yourself and your date. And perhaps the more relaxed, less committed tone will allow you to take that plunge a little sooner than you otherwise might. Just make sure your date is on the same page! What are you waiting for?
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