Dating after Divorce: Mistakes to Avoid

For many people, it's hard to get back out there again, so congratulations that you've made the decision to try out an online dating site.

Dating can be an emotional roller coaster, and that's a tough thing to endure after a divorce. People can be unpredictable, especially when compared to a partnership that lasted many years. Maybe you don't miss your ex-spouse, but you miss being married, having a companion.

Rest assured, you can find love again. But it's even more important to be ready. To learn from your mistakes.

If you've been frustrated, it's easy to blame it on the people you're meeting. After all, how could you consider dating someone who chews with his mouth open, or laughs like a hyena, or only seems to wear button-down flannel shirts? But remember, we all have our own idiosyncrasies. Before you quit your online dating membership, it's important to look at and understand what you can change.

Following are some mistakes to avoid after a divorce:

Starting too soon. There's something to be said for being solitary, at least right after your divorce. Instead of trying to find a replacement girlfriend/boyfriend so quickly, take a step back and a deep breath. Learn about yourself again - what interests you, what makes you happy. Try new things by yourself. Explore a new place. I promise you'll find out something new about yourself, something separate from your old life with a partner. It's important - necessary even - to be okay with being alone before trying to find a partner again.

Looking for Mr./Ms. Right. Please don't enter into each date wondering whether or not you'll meet your next husband or wife. That's an awful lot of pressure for anyone, and believe me, they will sense it. Instead, look forward to meeting someone new, regardless of whether he is or isn't right for you. Converse. Get to know him. Decide later. Enjoy the moment. Nobody is a waste of time.

Ex talk. I sound like a broken record sometimes, but avoid talking about your ex, please. Even if your date is divorced and wants to dish, too. Even if you can't help but be reminded of your ex. Even if your ex did something totally unreasonable right before your date. It doesn't matter. Your ex isn't on your date, so stop talking about her. It's incredibly unattractive.

Getting heavy. Maybe you're dying to talk about all the problems you've been facing since your divorce. You go into each date like it's a therapy session, hoping someone will say something that makes sense to you. Instead of looking to your dates for comfort, turn to a real therapist. Save your dates for stress relief. They should be about having fun.

Happy dating!