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my ex pressured me into Threesomes to make it seem like It was ok for him to cheat. It was his way of making it seem like I gave the blessing I later found him w one of our partners except they were by themselves having sex when i was at work in our bed. I screamed but he said I already had sex with her so why should I care. Divorced was finalized one year after I found them

kissing double pussies is the kiss of death

well said my man. ROTF

I am a PsyD candidate and my concentration is in marital counseling. I am currently reviewing relationship blogs as part of my final thesis. I also have experience researching open marriages. I came across your post and wanted to share my thoughts. When you ask this type of question, you are seeking an answer that may already be answered. You are looking for validation for what may already know. Children are often a primary reason for marriages to "stay together" in our modern world. Finances can be another reason, often times for insurance purposes. Both of these reasons are important, but it's critical to look at the larger picture of open marriages and the individuals that comprise the marriage. Although you are past the point of no return (you have already had sex outside the marriage and there is no turning back), there may be others that are considering open marriages as a solution. I can suggest that open marriages breed problems, specifically in regards to each individual's psychological state and outlook. Please consider the following research as it relates to your experiences.

Regarding open marriages, I have researched and found that in a large majority of cases, the marriages are irrevocably broken after this experience. Trust is almost impossible to recover. The act of sex is an emotional and powerful experience for those people that experience it simultaneously with valid love for the other person. Open marriages turn a loving sexual experience into transactional sex. Transactional sex breeds mistrust, jealousy, selfishness and lies. In my research on open marriages, I created a survey of married spouses who opened up their marriages to other sexual partners. In the vast majority of cases (77%), the person who initiates the open marriage (specifically the one that desires to have sex outside the marriage) no longer feels any moral obligation or responsibility to the other spouse. Once that person has sex outside the marriage, their moral judgement seems to be permanently impaired and this often extends to all facets of their lives.

I also found that the person that pushes to open up the marriage (due to a lack of desire to the spouse, or a desire to fulfill their sexual needs) often exhibits signs of grandiose behavior. More specifically, the person often has exaggerated beliefs of their own self importance ("it's all about me", put their own needs above all others (e.g. the other spouse, children, family), can be needy in general, and shows a lack of self-truth. In a sense, the "initiator" turns selfish and child-like and feels that their needs should be fulfilled before all others because they were given the permission to do so (through the opportunity and permission to have guilt-free sex with another partner, they are given permission to act as they please in other facets in life). They are given a "pass" not only to have sex with someone else, but a pass to life's responsibilities in general. Once the rule is broken for them, and they believe that rules no longer apply to them. By giving them permission to get pleasure outside the marriage, they then continue to take other liberties in life. They often no longer put effort into the family and instead put forth their energy into activities that helps them with their sexual partners. For example, women given a "hall pass" may become fixated on their bodies, hair and makeup, nails, new clothes, being online on dating websites/apps/social media, texting other people (potential sexual partners) etc. In a sense, they put themselves back on the dating market as if they are single and without obligations and this becomes their primary energy focus to find the next new relationship. The same can be true for men. Men may become fascinated with their outward appearance as well (gym, tanning, "looking good", buying expensive clothes/cars to make an impression) and lack a sense of responsibility to things that they should be accountable for (work, children, etc.). Men may slack off in their career because their energy is in pursuing the next woman to bed. The focus towards the other spouse is replaced with all of this. Giving permission to either spouse to have sex outside the marriage changes the rules permanently, and it's difficult to go back to a previous marital arrangement with love and commitment.

I would need more information from you regarding your marriage to offer specific counseling, but thought I could offer some of my research to you. I'm not sure if any of this information seems in line with your experiences with your husband, but perhaps it offers you some consolation that you aren't alone. The percentage of marriages that recover from this type of arrangement is low (20-35% depending on the definition of recovery). I would recommend seeking out a counselor who could learn of your specific situation and help guide you on a path to healing. You mentioned you have children. Please note that you may not ever be together in traditional sense of husband/wife, but you can raise and guide the children as partners, acting similar to business partners. Business partners have rules regarding operations of the business. You and your husband can create rules on the operation of raising the children, and keep the emotional side (and emotional scars) away from them. Rules can also be followed even though each of you may lack trust of the other person (trust may never be recovered, but you may need to accept this). One of you may still indulge in grandiose or selfish behaviors, but when the rules in regards to the children are followed, you can both agree on this success. During this healing process, it is ok for each of you to spend time with your children independently (without the other spouse) so that you both have time to foster the relationship with your children. Forcing family interactions may cause tension, and the children will notice it. I wish you the best and hope to see a future post from you on the resolution of your marital issues.

i think my double *censored* comment was just as helpful and much easier to read than yours hahahahahahahahahahahhhahah

If you are interested in speaking with professionals, here are several reputable practices:

https://www.thecenterforcouplestherapy.com/

http://saraalexandermftcounselor.com/

Situation seems f*cked up overall & don't think u rly have a marriage right now anyway. Open marriages ain't real marriages. Hard to save something that isn't there, ya know?

Yes. Ask for the divorce.

What will make you happiest? What will make him happiest? This answers your question.

When you ask these types of questions you know your answer but are just looking for someone else to say it so then you can feel justified……Doesn’t sound like there is much love between you. Cheating? Open marriage? “Holding on”……...That’s not an open marriage that failed. That’s a REGULAR marriage that failed………