How to Handle Those Unwanted Messages
Contributed by: kellyseal on Monday, January 26 2015 @ 06:34 am
Last modified on
The rise in popularity of Bye Felipe[*1] isn’t accidental – it’s due to more and more women speaking out about unwanted or even abusive messages they receive through dating apps and online dating sites.
Online dating has become mainstream, thanks to the rise in popularity of dating apps like Tinder, which have made it easier to meet people now more than ever. However, along with all of these new opportunities (and new people joining the game) come some unwanted messages and trolls looking for a platform to vent their anger rather than connect with someone.
Most of us (especially women) have been subjected to some unwanted or even abusive behavior online. We receive messages propositioning for sex without even meeting face-to-face first, or abusive messages claiming that we are untrustworthy, shallow, ugly, etc. from men we’ve only exchanged a couple of text messages with. This can be shocking, hurtful, and even scary – turning many victims off of online dating altogether.
It’s only natural for online daters to wonder what exactly they are signing up for when they experience this kind of abusive behavior.
Unfortunately, because some people are skeptical of the effectiveness of online dating, a few abusive emails are enough to write off the whole practice. But this is the wrong approach. It’s better instead to look at online dating as a whole, rather than just its worst aspects (and worst customers).
Instead of looking at all the online connections that are positive (or even ordinary), we tend to focus on the messages that have been upsetting, suggestive, and otherwise unwanted. We dwell on the negative, confirming our fears about meeting people online. But the truth is, millions of matches are made every day with no abuse, and no fanfare either. The vast majority of matches are between ordinary people looking for real-life relationships. If we get caught up in the actions of a small percentage of trolls, we miss opportunities.
We should not ignore the problem. Clearly, online dating sites have to clean up the process to be able to filter out this kind of bad behavior. A lot more work needs to be done.
But if you want a chance to meet people outside of your current networks of friends, family and co-workers, online dating is your best opportunity. But be smart in your approach. Research different websites and apps. Obviously apps like Tinder are very popular, but that means they also attract a lot of dating trolls. If you are looking for something more serious, you might want to invest in a site like eHarmony where there is more of a screening process among users.
Don’t give up on online dating because of a few bad apples. Give it another chance. Try a new site. Ask your friends to help. These small steps should help you improve your overall experience. For more information on the services mentioned you can read our Tinder review and our eHarmony review.