OkTrends first online dating advice post was about the number of responses members of OkCupid see from first contact messages of different lengths (see Story). Their second advice article takes a look at what members should say in these messages to increase the likelihood of a response. OkCupid based it's data on over 500,000 first contact messages from their dating site. Here are a list of recommendations. Any statistic information given is based on the average reply rate of all messages of 32 percent.
- Be Literate - Bad spelling, grammar and netspeak makes a terrible first impression. For example the average of messages who used words like "ya" only saw a reply rate of 7 percent. There are a few exceptions to the netspeak rule, most deal with showing emotion like "haha" or "lol".
- Avoid Physical Compliments - This is the same for both genders. General comments like "cool" and "awesome" (38% reply rate) work well but physical comments will see a huge drop in replies. The average message with the word "beautiful" in it saw a drop in the rate of replies of 10%. The word "sexy" was even worse and saw a drop of 14% to only 18% of initial contact messages to ever see a reply.
- Use an Unusual Greeting - A message with no traditional salutation saw a reply rate of 27%. Messages with the 3 top salutations of "hi", "hey" and "hello" all performed below average with "hi" doing the worse at 24%. The best response rate was with the salutation of "how's it going" with 54%.
- Don’t try to take it Outside - Asking for email addresses, cell phone numbers or other off site communication in the first contact message saw all reply rates drop to almost 10%.
- Bring up Specific Interests - Mentioning your specific interests or better yet, those of the person you are contacting, increases the chance of response to almost 50% in some cases.
- If you’re a Guy, be Self-Effacing - Male message reply rates increased if they appeared unsure of themselves and used words like "sorry", "apologize", "awkward" and "probably". This is not true for women.
- Consider Becoming an Atheist - Mentioning any religion helps increase the average response rate, but mentioning the fact that you are a "atheist" increased the response rate twice as much over the increase the leading religion of "Christian" saw. With the word "atheist" in your message, members saw a 42% response rate, "christian" saw a 36% response rate.
For more on this dating site, read our OkCupid reviews.