Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Friday, December 30 2011 @ 09:02 am
Last modified on
The new year is a time for breaking old, bad habits and establishing new, healthy patterns. I've already talked about a few of the bad habits that may be sabotaging your relationships, but what else might be in need of a New Year's resolution in 2012?
Eliminating insecurities. Does any of this sound familiar? You refuse to let your partner see you naked unless the lights are off. You find yourself unable to accept compliments. When you think about how great your partner is, you wonder why he or she is dating you. Those are all signs of major insecurities. Not only are they harming your relationships, they're not a productive part of your life in general. Eliminating insecurities can be tough, soul-searching work, but the benefits are so numerous that it's well worth pushing through the hard parts.
Letting go of limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs may explain why you have insecurities in the first place. Limiting beliefs are the negative thoughts and self-talk that your mind is convinced are reality, like "There's something wrong with me," or "I don't deserve to be happy," or "No one will ever love me." Is it really a surprise that beliefs like that are taking a toll on your relationships​? Practice letting them go and replacing them with new beliefs that are in alignment with your vision for yourself, like "I am confident and ready for love."
Overcoming neediness. Major attraction killer alert! Neediness does not a happy relationship make. A clingy partner is a major turn off, and worse, it's likely to destroy your confidence and cause depression. Make sure that you have an interesting, exciting, fulfilling life outside of your relationship. Pursue your own interests, cultivate your own passions and hobbies, travel without your partner, and spend time solo with your friends.
Do away with dealbreakers. Ok, you don't have to get rid of all of them - let's face it, they're there for a reason! - but you should seriously consider doing away with a few of them. Which ones aren't really serving you? Does it actually matter which side of the bed he sleeps on, or whether or not she loves Metallica? Are those things really the foundation for a strong relationship? Some dealbreakers are good, like "must not be a serial killer" (you're only going to make that mistake once!), but having too many dealbreakers is a dealbreaker itself because it may prevent you from meeting someone amazing.
Say "no" to negativity. We enter relationships because we want to be with someone who brings joy and light into our lives. Someone who brings happiness and humor with them wherever they go. Someone who improves our life just because they're in it. Can you do that if you're a constantly negative person? Of course not! Negative people score very low on the dateability index. Practice cutting negative thoughts, actions, and words out of your repertoire, and replace them with their positive counterparts. Positivity is extremely contagious, but it's much more desirable than the common cold and it doesn't cause the sniffles.