Breaking Up

Did your relationship survive the end of 2010?

If it didn't, you're not alone - statistics show that a breakup is more likely to occur on the first Monday in December than on any other day of the year. Relationships, it seems, are no match for the powerful combination of seasonal affect disorder and a case of the Mondays. Christmas Day, on the other hand, is the least likely day for a breakup, but if you survive December and enter the new year beware of Spring Break and April Fools Day, two more times when breakups are particularly prevalent.

This information comes from the blog of Lee Byron, in a post dedicated to a "series of infographics exploring the sour end of relationships." Byron worked with David McCandless to turn breakup data into easily-digestible charts and graphs, in an attempt to make "the big picture of how we breakup more clear," so that we can "take comfort in just how special the relationships that last truly are."

The When

The first graph, called "Likelihood Of A Break Up Per Day," plots the findings we just discussed, gathered by measuring the frequency of the words "breakup" or "broken up" in Facebook status updates on each day. In addition to the importance of December, March, and April, the study found that February (so much for a holiday dedicated to love!) and the summer holidays are also potentially difficult times for couples, while late July, August, and early September show low instances of breakups.

The How

There are few surprises to be found here: people born after 1984 are twice as likely to breakup via the digital world than people born before 1975. They are also twice as likely to breakup over the phone, and much less likely to end a relationship over coffee than their more mature counterparts. Once again, Facebook was used to collect the data, this time using a now defunct polling app on the site that asked the question "How did you end your last relationship?"

The Why

The reasons for breakups are as varied as the people in the relationships. A review of tweets on Twitter that contained the phrase "We broke up because" revealed an incredibly diverse group of reasons for breakups, from "because I smothered her" to "because we couldn't agree on a sex position." Some reasons were practical ("because of time and distance"), some were sad ("because I wasn't over a boyfriend who had died"), and some were downright silly ("because I have a high pitched voice!").

Sex played an important role in many breakups. 56% of people surveyed reported being unhappy with their sex lives, and 22% of married people admitted to having an extramarital affair. The highest rate of affairs was found in Turkey (58% of married people), and at 7% the lowest rate belonged to Israel. Cheating was, unsurprisingly, one of the most popular reasons for breaking up - 25% of women and 18% of men claimed it as the reason for the end of their last relationships.

One thing, however, is undisputed: with 3 million first dates every day worldwide, there are plenty of opportunities for breakups!

Handling a break up with poise, style, and grace is a complex undertaking at the best of times, and a Herculean challenge at the worst. The technological advances of the 21st century have made a lot of things easier - communicating with friends, collecting research for college papers, ordering everything from food, to books, to clothing, to medication - but the explosive popularity of social networking sites has made getting dumped more difficult than ever.

I'm back today with more wise words and astute advice from Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz about what to do when, as they so eloquently put it in "How to handle a break-up online," "you've had your heart ripped from your chest" and the aorta is "geysering blood across your bedroom floor, on which you are currently sprawled." Last time, we discussed how to avoid having your emotional wounds reopened every time you sign onto Twitter or check into Foursquare. Now it's time to take on proper break up etiquette for the social networking giant Facebook and Google. Let's get right down to business.

For Facebook Users:
Facebook is like quicksand for the freshly single. The moment you slip and start spying on your ex's profile, you can't escape, and you continue to be sucked farther and farther down into the dismal and depressing world of spying on your ex's new life without you. In the event of a nasty break up, it's in the best interest of your mental health to simply unfriend your ex and remove any photos you've uploaded of the two of you together. Don't spend hours pouring over every new picture your ex adds, every new status your ex posts, and every new message left on your ex's wall, reminiscing about "the good old days" and trying desperately to figure out if your ex is seeing someone new. You can't look forward to the future if you're stuck in the past.

For Google Users:
By "Google users" Ehrlich, Bartz, and I really mean "search engine users," and by "search engine users" we really mean everyone, so pay attention because this does apply to you! Now that search engines like Google can pull data from sites like Facebook and Twitter, social media is not the only source of break up misery online. With one simple search, you can find everything from your ex's brand new online dating profile to an article about the trophy they won during their glory days as a high school mathlete.

Self-control, as Ehrlich and Bartz point out, is not exactly in the post-break up vocabulary, particularly "after a few whiskey sodas," so don't place your sanity in the less-then-capable hands of your easily compromised, recently dumped willpower. Instead, check out the browser plug-in Ex-Blocker from the creative agency JESS3. Type in your ex's full name, Twitter username, Facebook URL, and the address of their blog, and - voila! - all mentions of your ex will be wiped from your Web browser forever.

With these tips, your break up should be a little easier to bear, at least when it comes to your life in cyberspace...and if not, it might be time to consider moving to that remote island in the Pacific.

Getting dumped, in the simple yet poignant words of CNN.com’s netiquette columnists Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz, “sucks.” Ancient axioms like “Time heals all wounds” and “There are plenty of fish in the sea” might provide some comfort to a broken heart but, as Ehrlich and Bartz point out in their article “How to handle a break-up online,” “breaking up is hard in the digital age – especially when the world is spending around 22 percent of its time on social networks.”

So what do you do when your ex is continuously posting updates about his or her latest fling on Twitter? Can a heart heal when you’re confronted with photos of your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend whenever you log onto Facebook? How do you move on when you’re tempted to Google your ex’s name every time you open your web browser?

Ehrlich and Bartz, news editors for Mashable.com and Psychology Today, respectively, offer the following advice for getting dumped with dignity in the digital age:

For Twitter Users:

If your ex is a chronic oversharer, the easiest way to avoid Twitter-induced heartache is, of course, to unfollow him or her and remove any and all torturous Tweets completely. But if deleting your ex forever seems like a move so cruel he or she doesn’t even deserve it for dumping you, check out Twitter clients like Brizzly which will eliminate the offending messages.

Ehrlich and Bartz also warn readers to take the Twitter high road at all times. Resist the temptation to Tweet about your hurt feelings or post messages about how badly you’d like revenge. Not only is it immature, there’s a very good chance that your ex’s friends or relatives are still reading your Tweets and are reporting back about that week you spent on the couch trying all 31 flavors of Baskin Robbins ice cream.

For Foursquare users:

The awkward run-in is one of the most painful parts of the breaking up process, so be aware of your locational privacy when using sites like Foursquare. Your ex definitely doesn’t still need to know where you are every second of every day. Once again, the easiest option is deleting him or her entirely, but if that route doesn’t sound appealing, Ehrlich and Bartz recommend using a web app like Avoidr, which “allows you to choose which Foursquare friends you want to forsake, and then flags their check-ins so you can sidestep an encounter.” If you and your ex frequent the same bars, restaurants, and coffee shops, this is a highly useful tool. The best course of action, however, is using your break up as motivation to ditch the pajamas and ice cream, and find new haunts and new friends all your own.

Join me next time for more advice on getting dumped from Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz. Up next: how to handle a break up on search engines and the king of social networking sites, Facebook.

Check out the original article here.

Game Pro Australia had an interesting article which talks about gaming habits and relationships. According to them, 80 percent of women have complained about the amount of time their boyfriend uses the internet or plays video games. 20 percent have actually dumped someone for this reason. The most likely culprit to cause an argument was Infinity Wards Call of Duty games.

In comparison, 72 percent of men said they thought their girlfriend spent too much time online. 6 percent of men saw this as a reason to break up.

Tom Shone decided to give internet dating a try after breaking up with his girlfriend a month before. Guess who was the first person to contact him on a dating site? If you said his ex-girlfriend, you would be right.

Loved your profile on Nerve. Glad to hear you’re feeling so “chipper” these days – Natalie.

Tom hadn't meant for anyone who really knew him to read his profile, especially his ex. You always put your best foot forward when writing a dating profile, which made it look like to his ex-girlfriend, that he had forgotten all about the heartbreak and tears from the month before. She did later apologize that day for the email, and said it was just a shock to see the profile. Tom told her that he wasn't using the dating site to go on dates, he was just window shopping.

Let's get one thing straight. In this article, we're not talking about leaving the toilet seat up, a different taste in music, or a homebody versus a party animal. No, this article is about serious issues. We're talking drug addiction, alcohol problems, and depression. These are serious issues that can sidetrack even the strongest relationship.

If you're in a loving relationship but know that your partner is dealing with a serious disease or issue, then this is the article for you. Here are the top ten things you can do to support your partner in getting better and battling their problems.

1. Don't Take it Personally. Your partner is going to say some seriously hurtful things. They might tell you they don't love you, they might say to leave them alone. It's easy to take these insults personally, but that would be a mistake. Keep in mind that diseases and serious issues can often fuel people saying things they don't mean.

2. Get the Issue on the Table. Running and hiding from a serious issue often feels like the best move. Nobody wants to roll their sleeves up and face a tremendous challenge. But deep down you know that if you don't face this problem your relationship will only suffer more. So find the courage and deal with the situation.

3. Talk to Family and Friends. No, we're not talking about announcing this problem to the world. But if your partner has a close friend or family member you can rely on, open up to them. Maybe the two of you can convince your partner that there's a real problem here.

4. Seek Medical Help. We all want to believe we can save another human being. But drug addictions and depression are serious business. Often they are beyond resolution by an untrained professional. So consider counseling with someone who has deep experience in the issue you face.

5. Make a Game Plan. If you can get your partner to face the facts, maybe you can make a plan together. Take ownership for the plan jointly, don't sit back and judge them as they try to improve. What they need most right now is someone on their team, not a team of Olympic judges monitoring their every move.

6. Consider Available Medications. In some cases there are drugs in the market that can dramatically improve a situation, particularly for depression and social anxiety disorder. Be sure to consult a physician first, as these drugs may have some serious side effects.

7. Avoid Ultimatums. Anyone facing a real issue or disease will not be able to handle any extra pressure. Threatening to leave if they don't get better may backfire by further spiraling their behavior downhill.

8. Work on Something Yourself. Okay, you may not be dealing with a serious issue. But maybe you want to drop a few pounds, quit smoking, or repair a broken relationship with your mother. Offer to work on your issues together. Grow and improve as a team.

9. Set Milestones. If you can set a game plan, there needs to be check-in points and milestones along the way. Otherwise, what are you shooting for in the first place? Set timetables on improvement and check-in along the way to chart progress.

10. Be Realistic. Despite your best efforts, some people never kick a destructive habit, never get better, and never beat their illness. If they fail in the end, don't blame yourself for the rest of your life. Know in your heart that you did everything you could to improve the situation.