Breaking Up

The holidays are a time for joyful gatherings and tidings of good cheer, right? Well, not for everyone.

It's also the time of year when many hearts are broken. In fact, most break-ups occur around the holidays. The hurt can be devastating, whether you were part of a long-term couple or even if you'd just started dating and suddenly were abandoned with no explanation or reason why. But no matter how deep and lasting your ties, breaking up over the holidays when everyone around you seems happy and thankful can be a bit overwhelming. You might be tempted to hole up in your room and not come out until January second.

While this move isn't practical, broken hearts do have to be treated with care. Instead of pasting on a smile and going about your holidays as though nothing is wrong, I suggest you take care of yourself by doing the following:

Pamper yourself. Remember that birthday coupon for a massage you got a few months ago? Now is the time to use it. If a mani/pedi is more your style, then make an appointment. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle. You get the picture. Do something for yourself - whether it's relaxing or lifting your spirits.

Call an old friend. Sometimes it helps to reconnect with someone you haven't spoken to in a while - someone who was your best friend or confidant at another time in your life. Find out what's going on with him/her, and share your own story. It can help to talk with someone who has seen you through good times and bad, and loves you for exactly who you are.

Make plans with single friends. Maybe you've been hanging out with a lot of couples, but now is the time to connect with single friends. They can be a great boost, especially if they are really social and get you out of the house and doing fun things. Try not to spend your time downing cocktails and bashing exes - instead, give a toast to your friendship and being there for each other.

Exercise. Sometimes, nothing helps a broken heart like a few extra endorphins. Something about exercising can clear your head, help you focus, and also miraculously lift your spirits. So instead of vegging out in front of the TV all weekend watching romantic comedies, try going for a run at the gym or ice skating at a local outdoor rink. Just get moving.

Give thanks. This might sound cheesy, but it works. Make a list of everything you currently have in your life that you're grateful for. It can be something as small as the banana nut muffins you ate for breakfast or as big as having your sister in your life who always has your back. Reflecting on the good things you have right now really helps put things in perspective and guides you out of heartbreak.

Breaking up with someone you love can feel like the world is falling apart. Many times, we long for a chance to rekindle those old flames, to get back what we've lost. We think that when we reunite, things will be different, that our lives are better with our ex in the picture rather than going forward on our own.

But what really happens when you return to the person who broke your heart? Do you enter into a relationship weary, or with a sense of purpose to make sure things go well? Does your relationship fall into the same patterns, or have you been able to move forward together?

Getting back together with an ex can be difficult, especially if not enough time has gone by and you're both feeling lonely. Nobody can change overnight, and there is a reason the two of you didn't work out. Everyone needs time to process feelings, anger, and grief after a break-up, so getting back together right away isn't always the best solution, no matter how strong the chemistry is.

But let's say you and your ex haven't dated in a while - perhaps even years. But when you see him, your knees go weak and you can't control your feelings and attraction. Maybe your jealousy still rages when you see him with another woman. You wonder what's wrong, why you can't seem to get over him.

Some people in our lives can have a strong pull on our hearts. But this doesn't mean that they are long-term relationship material for us. Sometimes, they can teach us the most valuable lessons about ourselves.

While it's tempting to get back together with an ex, to throw caution to the wind and embrace the chemistry you share, often it doesn't last. You could find yourself devastated once again, wondering what happened.

Before you enter into another relationship, ask yourself a few questions first: is he emotionally (and physically) available for you? Are you both looking for the same thing (long term relationship vs. fling)? Does he make you feel good about yourself, or does he tend to pick you apart? Does he need you, or is he fully capable of taking care of himself in a mature relationship?

We gravitate towards what we know and what we feel comfortable with. If we like projects, or unavailable men, etc., we tend to pick the same type of romantic partner over and over again (or in this case, the same actual partner). And so we keep repeating the same mistakes, instead of moving forward in our love lives.

So instead of going back to your ex, take a bold step forward. Ask someone out who seems totally different. Don't spend your time thinking about what your ex is doing, live your own life. Make new friends. See what happens in unfamiliar territory, and go from there.

Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by DatingSitesReviews.com, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

The poll was taken by readers of DatingSitesReviews.com.

Are you addicted to social media? Are you compelled to check your Facebook account when you first get up in the morning? If your digital life is important to you, it might be hurting your ability to move on after a break-up.

Facebook keeps us connected to all the people we don't see on a regular basis, and keeps our pasts ever-present. While it's great to see what's going on with your old high school pal, it's another thing to see your ex posting pictures of his new girlfriend, or changing his status to "in a relationship" before you can even say "broken up."

While I wish we all had the courage to de-friend people who we're no longer involved with, it is a hard thing to do immediately. Maybe we can block a phone number or avoid places where you both used to go together, but tearing yourself away digitally is another challenge.

Following are some tips to help you break-up digitally:

Give yourself a digital break. There's nothing wrong with taking a brief time-out from Facebook, Twitter, etc. If it's hurting you to see his posts every time you login, then you'll be doing yourself a favor. Just take a breather - your friends will be there when you return.

Avoid posting about the relationship on your wall. While you might want the opinion of all your Facebook friends about whether or not your ex is a jerk, please don't post missives on your wall and then wait for people to comment. If you have to share your hurt and frustration with someone, then share in person. There's no need to make it a public forum. It's better if you don't know what his friends think of you, too - likely they will come to his defense. On Facebook.

Delete your relationship status. There's no need to let everyone know you're single, or "it's complicated," or anything else that might cause digital conversation. Just leave it blank for now. If anyone questions you, don't feel pressured to answer.

De-friend if you can. If your ex is always on Facebook, posting about his life, the people in it, or his musings, then you're causing yourself more emotional pain when you keep him as a friend. Even if you both decided in real life to stay friends, everybody needs time to heal when a relationship ends. This means taking a true break. De-friend him so you don't have to get his posts. You can always revisit your friendship status later, when both of you have moved on.

Now here's something that I never expected to need an app for...though now that I see it, I can't help but be intrigued.

Sarah Gray was in a long distance relationship when she found herself wondering whether it was time to bid her boyfriend farewell. The relationship did end up crumbling, but Gray found something good in the aftermath: a new app idea. The app, called Should I Dump My Boyfriend?, helps users answer the same question that Gray faced by tracking your feelings over a two-week period.

Forget about talking your friends ears off with the trivial details of your relationships or turning to silly Cosmo quizzes to answer your burning relationship questions. This app, which creates a graph that quantifies what you should do and provides customized advice, is the way of the future.

Step one is to keep track of your feelings. Record your ups and downs in the app, which sends a daily reminder to make sure that you stay on top of the tracking process. You can rate your boyfriend as often as you like, since you never know when you might be surprised by something he does, and can leave notes describing your feelings during each rating session.

When the rating process is complete, the app provides objective advice based on the unique patterns it analyzes in your entries. The idea is to help you spot trends that you may have missed in day to day life, and create clarity about why you might be sabotaging a good relationship or sticking with a bad one.

And it's not just useful for one relationship. The app saves all your entries from past boyfriends, so you can review and reflect at any point in the future. Mad at your man and wondering why you haven't dumped him yet? Check the app for reminders about what makes him so wonderful. Feeling the post-breakup blues and second-guessing your choice to dump the chump? Read through your old notes and statistics to refresh your memory about why he was such a dud, then count your blessings.

"Being able to see your relationship clearly and objectively is the 1st step on the path to a happy, healthy love-life," says Gray, :whether it's with him, with someone else, or on your own for a while." We're often to irrational in the moment to assess our feelings correctly, making the app a valuable asset when it comes to choosing partners wisely. "Sometimes, we need an objective voice to help us appreciate a good thing or accept something painful," Grey adds. "And this app helps us tap into the best voice of all - the one inside ourselves."

Check out the app on iTunes.

From Match.com, to OkCupid, to eHarmony, to Facebook, the Internet offers plenty of services to help you find love.

But what about when love turns sour, and your relationship comes to an end?

It turns out the Internet has tools for that too. And no, I'm not just talking about unfollowing your ex on Twitter.

More and more, sites are springing up to bring solace to the newly single. Some provide advice on how to handle a recent breakup. Others simply offer a forum in which to vent about the man or woman who did you wrong. And others cater to more unique needs, like selling presents gifted to you by your ex.