Everyone in online dating talks about how important the profile photo is. We try to act like looks don't matter as much as what's underneath – and although that's true in the long run, you're lying to yourself if you think looks don't matter at all. Picture yourself shopping. You don't purchase the products with subpar packaging; you go for the ones that look nice, regardless of which one is actually better.

Like it or not, we are all judging and being judged online. As you attempt to craft the perfect online dating profile, you'll be tempted to post the most exceptional pictures you can find. Competition is fierce on online dating sites, so the quickest road to standing out is looking the best you can, right?

Wrong, according to mathematician Hannah Fry. In a TED talk Fry discusses the mathematics of love and offers several tips for finding that special someone. Like most of life, love is full of patterns, she says. Mathematics can be used to study patterns, and therefore mathematics can give us insight into love.

“How attractive you are does not dictate how popular you are,” Fry explains. “And, actually, having people think that you're ugly can work to your advantage.” She shares a graph from OkCupid that plots measured attractiveness against messages received in the last month. Immediately it becomes clear that being considered highly attractive is not a guarantee you'll receive many messages.

What matters more, surprisingly, is that you divide opinion. To make sense of it, imagine being on the other end of things. In the first scenario, you're interested in someone and you suspect other people won't be very interested in them. This is a good situation, because it means less competition for you and more incentive to reach out.

If, on the other hand, you think the person you're into will be highly sought after, you may feel less motivated to contact them. The thought of so much competition – and a high likelihood of rejection – is a strong deterrent.

So, if you use a terrible photo, people will be put off. But, if you use a photo that's too attractive, people may feel like they don't have a chance with you. The best strategy, then, is to go for something in the middle ground. You want to be attractive without looking like you're out of reach.

Fry advises to embrace the things that make you different – whether it's a scar or a receding hairline – even if you think some people will find those qualities unattractive. The people who like you will like you anyway, and the people who don't weren't a match in the first place.

When we talk about dating, it's often referred to as a game. We even call some people “players.”

But as much fun as games are, it isn't the most effective metaphor for online dating. Real success comes when you put your power suit on (mentally) and treat online dating like a business. You are the product, and the best way to sell that product is to run a strong marketing campaign.

Think of your profile as a sales pitch. The right one will attract the target customer and motivate them to make a purchase. Here are a few tips for writing a profile like a marketing guru:

1. Define the product. You can't sell something if you don't understand what that something is in the first place. What's your story? What's your personal brand? What are your most marketable qualities? Choose a few and optimize your profile to highlight them.
2. Define your audience. Who are you marketing to? Somewhere in your head, you have a vision of the ideal partner. Make that vision as clear as possible, then write your profile in a way that's designed to attract their attention.
3. Write a catchy hook. Email marketing is all about the subject line. If it's lame, no one will open the email and the message inside will never be read. Many online dating profiles also have a tag line feature. Make sure it stands out from the crowd and piques the reader's curiosity.
4. Stay on top of the latest trends. Marketers know the times are always changing and their strategies must evolve with them. You, too, are always changing. Make sure you update your profile regularly so it always presents the most accurate picture of you possible.
5. Test. A marketing guru is constantly pouring over metrics and analytics because it's the only way to determine the success of a campaign. Take a look at who is messaging you. Is it the kind of person you want to attract? If not, switch up your strategy and try again.
6. Keep it professional. You won't see many marketing materials with mistakes (and if you do, someone's probably getting fired). Use your spell check. Avoid negative language. Don't sound desperate. Keep it short, sweet, simple, and to the point. Remove all opportunities for your audience to see you as anything less than a great investment.
7. Create a call to action. A business fails if it never makes a sale, so after you've shown a customer how amazing your product is, ask them to buy it. Prompt your audience to take the next step. Try adding a “You should message me if...” section to your profile, or ask an interesting question that prospective suitors can respond to in a message.

This isn't to say that dating is all work and no play. Of course it isn't, and thinking of yourself as a product isn't a healthy long-term mindset. Instead, find the happy balance between game and business. That's when you become a success story.

Most of us know Gandhi’s famous quote: “Be the change you want to see in the world” – but how many of us practice these words of wisdom, especially when it comes to dating? More often than not, instead of seeing what we can change in ourselves, we are looking at our dates – judging and criticizing and wanting them to change.

Let’s face it – dating is rough. It requires patience, persistence, and a positive outlook. Again and again. And while you might feel more patient than Mother Theresa, it’s the part about persistence and keeping a positive attitude that’s hard to maintain. When we complain about how we’re not meeting any “good” men or women, or that people behave badly, or that online dating doesn’t result in a long-term relationship because it’s all about hooking up, we are perpetuating the stereotypes.

Dating doesn’t have to be fraught with bad behavior. It doesn’t have to be so hard. We just need to shift perspective a bit. You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself – your attitude, your outlook, your emotional reactions.

That said, you can start by looking at your own habits and where you can change. While you might think you’re the perfect date, chances are there’s room for improvement. If you’re not enjoying yourself, then why not see where you can change? Following are some small shifts to make to help change your perspective on dating from negative to positive:

• Be courteous to all your dates. Emma Watson was recently interviewed about her dating habits, and she thinks men and women should hold doors open for each other and both sexes should offer to pick up the tab. If we all are treating each other with respect and kindness, it makes the experience of dating a little better for everyone.
• Really listen. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a conversation while competing with someone’s phone. Social media and work emails can wait. Leave the phone off the table for an hour. Pay more attention to details. See what you can learn from the person sitting across from you, instead of obsessing over what else might be going on that you’re missing.
• Be curious. Everyone has a story. Even if you don’t see a romantic future in front of you after the first five minutes of meeting, ask questions and engage. People can be fascinating and multi-layered. What you see on the first date is only the tip of the iceberg. You never truly get to know someone if you don’t maintain a sense of wonder and curiosity about getting to know them.
• Cultivate your own sense of self. Being single is a magical time – you have the freedom to pursue whatever you want - to pursue your passions no matter how impractical, like learning Italian or kite surfing. Work towards a career goal. Travel. The more experiences you have, the more you get to know yourself, and the more you have to share with a future partner. This time is all about you – so enjoy it while you can!

Think you’ll have a better chance of meeting a new love through friends rather than Tinder? According to a recent survey by website Mic, you’re probably right.

Mic, a news website catering specifically to Millennials, decided to get to the bottom of dating apps and online dating to figure out how people in relationships are actually meeting. As it turns out, for all the buzz of Tinder – (and good news for the online-dating averse) – more couples have met through friends, work and in real-life social situations as opposed to over the Internet.

Mic surveyed more than 2,300 people between 18 and 34 years old, and it turns out, the vast majority of them – almost 39% - met their SOs through mutual friends, despite being part of the Tinder/ dating app generation. The next largest group – 22% of respondents - met through real-life social situations, such as at parties or bars. Eighteen percent met at work. When it comes to online dating, less than 10% of respondents met this way, and less than six percent met through social media. (Although to be fair to social media, this is quite extraordinary, considering it hasn’t been around nearly as long as online dating has.)

The latest Pew study reveals that online dating is gaining acceptance among the masses - 59% of Americans now believe that this is a good way to meet someone. But apparently, the majority of folks still aren’t meeting their next relationships that way.

There is a reason most people still prefer to meet through friends. Having the endorsement of someone you like and trust goes a long way, especially in the dating market where bad behavior is part of the experience. It’s like a little insurance policy against meeting someone – a total stranger - who might end up being hurtful or even dangerous.

This is evident in the dating app world, where meeting strangers online is commonplace. However, the fact that most apps have some type of verification through social media – for instance, requiring users to have a legitimate Facebook profile before being able to use the app – shows that there is a desire for validation before agreeing to a date. Some apps have taken this process a step further, connecting people online only through mutual social media friends (as with Hinge), or being an invitation-only app, such as with The League.

So what does this mean for the next generation of online daters? Dating apps and online dating are definitely here to stay – but it looks like the technology will keep gravitating towards mutual connections, either through social media or in real life.

The most successful dating apps are based on visuals, and typically pull your photos from Facebook to create your dating “profile.” This allows potential dates to swipe left and right, rejecting or showing interest – depending almost entirely on the photos you have posted.

Now dating app Glimpse takes things one step further. Acknowledging the power of visuals, the new app uses your Instagram account to help you find matches. That is, Glimpse reveals photos you have taken on Instagram to potential matches, so they can get an idea of your interests, who you are, and what you like.

Instagram seems like a natural fit for online dating, but Glimpse is not the first to make a dating app using visual social media platforms. Take dating app Dreamcliq, launched a couple of years ago to little fanfare, which allows you to create a “vision board” of your interests to attract potential dates - matching according to photo-based profiles. The company marketed the app as being inspired by Pinterest.

There are some challenges with Glimpse. First, if your Instagram is full of selfies, it might be a turn-off for your dates. There are only so many duck faces potential mates can handle. Same thing if you like taking pictures of your food, or your puppy, or even your hiking landscapes – a few artful photographs are great, but sometimes it's too much. Also, what does an extensive photo collection tell you about the person taking the photo, other than they like their dogs, hikes, or crème brulee?

Unlike apps like Tinder, Glimpse doesn’t match based on location, but rather through your hashtags, events, locations and other similarities on Instagram. So, let’s say you include #sunsets or #foodporn tags in a few photos – you’ll be matched with singles in your area who used the same trending phrases. Or, you could be matched with someone you met last month at a party during your work conference. In other words, there seems to be a little more flexibility as well as common interests than a typical dating app. Plus, it gives you a starting point for conversation – something that is missing with Tinder.

Another advantage of Glimpse is that you can advertise yourself through visuals – but instead of worrying about how great your hair looks or whether or not you look big in a certain dress, the app lets you tell a story of who you are through your photos.

Glimpse launched in February and is available on iTunes, but by invitation only.

Singles in the US are feeling totally emojional.

The days of the regular ol' smiley face are long gone. America has upped its emoticon game and we're officially living in the Age of Emoji.

Match.com is back with another installment of its annual Singles in America study. This year, they surveyed a nationally representative sample of over 5,600 US. singles aged 18 to 70+ years and one of 2015's hot topics was emoji use.

“If you had asked me a year ago what I thought of emoticons and emojis, I would have said they are fun and entertaining, but I probably wouldn’t have thought they could help our understanding of human behavior,” writes Dr. Justin R. Garcia. “But as more and more people of varying ages in my own social networks – family, friends, colleagues, dates – use emoticons and emojis...I’ve come to appreciate them as something more than funny little characters.”

To the uninitiated, emojis are practically another language. Even to the initiated, there's bound to be a character or two that's just puzzling. And to a growing number of behavioral scientists, emojis actually are a new form of nonverbal communication to be studied. “In an age of rapid mobile interaction,” Dr. Garcia writes, emojis are a 21^st century system of emotional expression and interpersonal engagement “that can help us understand human affect.”

When asked why they use emojis, US singles offered three top reasons:

• PERSONALITY: They give my text messages more personality (49% men, 53% women)
• EMOTION: It’s easier for me to express my feelings (37% men, 36% women)
• CONVENIENCE: It’s faster and easier than writing a full message (21% men, 18% women)

When asked which emojis singles favor for flirting, the following were the top three responses:

• Winky face (53% of singles)
• Smiley face (38% of singles)
• Kissy face (27% of singles)

Emoji users shared several traits. 62% want to be married (compared to only 30% of non-emoji users) and are more likely to place a high value on finding a partner who is a good communicator. Emoji users are also much more likely to be actively dating and to have sex.

But don't take things too far. While 40% of singles use emoticons and emojis regularly, nearly 75% agree that you should limit your use to 1-3 per conversation. Any more than that, and you may text yourself straight out of a date.

For more on the service which conducted this study you can read our Match.com review.