Tips

Most of us are at least familiar with social media like Facebook, Twitter, FourSquare, and the like. Many of us have accounts and check them on a regular basis. Some of us keep privacy settings high while others put themselves out there to gain a larger client and networking base. Some feel compelled to post constantly - where they are going for dinner or what they just said to a work colleague, while others prefer to post only occasionally with meaningful advice or news.

We all perceive social media in different ways and use it for different reasons. This is why it can get tricky when you incorporate dating into your virtual mix.

Obviously, there are a lot of opportunities for connecting with other singles over social media. But reaching out to people virtually comes with risk. How do you feel about potential dates - and strangers - knowing so much about you through Facebook or Twitter before you even meet face to face?

Following are a few basic guidelines to remember when dealing with social media and dating:

Don't be afraid to connect. There are many dating tools that utilize the power of Facebook to connect you with people in your social circles that you don't necessarily know. Check out CoffeeMeetsBagel or TheDatable if you want to promote your other single Facebook friends in the dating pool. These apps are selective about the information shared, limited to your likes and profile photos.

Know your privacy settings. You don't have to make your social media posts public to everyone. It's important to know your privacy settings, especially on Facebook or Google+ where you can customize by post or picture. It's good to be aware of how you present yourself online to people who don't know anything about you. This goes not only for dating, but also for your career.

Don't post rants about your dates. Think about it - if you were interested in someone, friended him on Facebook, and then saw posts about how terrible his last five dates were, you might reconsider asking him out. Try not to scare off potential dates by making them think you'll write about them, too. Keep your dating life discussions limited to in-person gatherings with your friends.

Exchange numbers first. While it might seem easier to connect on Facebook and drop a casual message to someone you just met at a party, it's better to exchange phone numbers. When you let someone into your Facebook world too soon, they have access to all kind of information - your exes, where you went to school, those party pics from last weekend. People often draw inaccurate conclusions quickly. Instead, keep a little mystery and send a text instead. Friend him later.

One of the best things about online dating is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life.

One of the worst things about online is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life. All that choice is more than a little overwhelming, and when we're faced with an overwhelming number of choices we tend not to make any decisions at all.

What's the point of spending all that time browsing profiles if you're only going to window shop? Online dating doesn't do you any good unless you actually remember to do the 'dating' part, too.

Learning how to online date efficiently wasn't easy, but after enough wasted hours and dead-end profiles I've finally figured out a few key ways to identify dates with real potential. If you're in the market for something more serious than a few flirty messages or a quick hookup, be on the lookout for these four signs you've found a promising partner:

1. They've got a positive outlook on life. You wouldn't want to spend your life with someone who was consistently pessimistic, so why start a relationship with someone who is already showing off their negative side? Profiles that are cynical about relationships, whine about their exes, or otherwise talk about the ways life gets them down are not good date material.
2. They're confident but humble. There's a fine line to walk when you're dating online - you have to present your positive qualities (because if you don't, who will?), but you don't want to come off as arrogant or narcissistic. Avoid profiles that cross the line and seem more interested in talking about themselves than learning about you.
3. They've got something going for them. That 'something' can be pretty much anything - an intriguing hobby, a passion for travel, an interesting job - as long as it exists. What you don't want is a profile that seems totally directionless. If every picture takes place in a nightclub and is captioned with something about how wasted they were that night, long-term dating probably isn't in the cards.
4. They're taking it seriously. We've all run across those profiles that consist of only a few sentences, one of which is probably something about how they don't know what to say or aren't really sure about the online dating thing. Don't date a waffler. Unless it's clear that they have a profile because they're genuinely interested in meeting someone to date, don't waste your time.

The big news in the dating world these days is that relationships formed on the Web may last longer and be happier than relationships that start offline. With explosive research like that hitting the scene, online dating is bound to be on the agenda of just about everyone - even the ones who never thought they would try it.

But it can be tricky to navigate the brave new world of online dating profiles if it's totally unfamiliar territory, and the difference between a newbie profile and an expert profile is vast. That's why I've put together 9 of my best tips to get you started on your journey to becoming an online dating superstar:

Superstar Secret #1: You don't have to do it alone.

Your friends are a valuable source of support as you begin your online dating adventures. Ask them to help with your profile if you can't figure out what to write. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.

Superstar Secret #2: Clichés are not cute.

It seems like obvious advice, but a lot of people who are new to online dating get it wrong. 'Long walks on the beach' may very well be a hobby for you, but they're not an interesting conversation starter. What really makes you unique?

Superstar Secret #3: When you talk about your interests, focus mainly on sociable hobbies.

Potential dates want to envision how they'll fit into your life. If your hobbies are all things that are best done solo, like reading or surfing the Web for LOLcats, they won't be able to.

Superstar Secret #4: Use photos that spark conversation.

Action shots say more about who you are and what you're into, and they offer potential dates an easy way to start a conversation. Show off what makes your life exceptional.

Superstar Secret #5: Stay upbeat.

Positive profiles get way more traction than negative ones. Be positive about yourself, about dating, and about life in general. Negative tones are a big turn-off online.

Superstar Secret #6: Be honest.

Honesty is always the best policy online. A relationship founded on lies is no relationship at all. And even if you think you can keep up your lies online, they're going to be much harder to maintain once you meet in person.

Superstar Secret #7: Be specific.

The more clear you are on the type of person you want to date, the more likely you are to find them. And the more specific you are when you talk about yourself, the more likely they are to find you.

Superstar Secret #8: Spelling and grammar matter.

Poor grammar and spelling are turn-offs for a lot of people. A profile that's full of mistakes says 'I don't care enough about this online dating thing to make an effort.'

Superstar Secret #9: Update regularly.

Consider your online dating profile a work in progress. Keep your photos and information up-to-date to present the most accurate picture of yourself.

First impressions count, especially in online dating. There are so many people registered on online dating sites that it's more important now than ever to stand out from the crowd. And the most effective way to do that is to optimize the first point of contact for any potential date - your photos.

I'm always surprised to see people posting grainy photos, or shots with so much glare you can't make out the person's face, or pictures taken while staring at a reflection in the bathroom mirror. These are all online profile don'ts, because it doesn't give potential dates a snapshot of the real you.

How many times have you met someone for the first time and were disappointed because she didn't look like her pictures? Well, don't make the same mistake yourself. Posting great pictures isn't just about looking your best, it's about giving people a glimpse of who you are.

Following are some ways to choose the best online dating photos:

Stay current. While you might think you look the same as you did on that trip to Vegas five years ago, you don't. It's important to show who you are now, even if you have a few more wrinkles or an extra ten pounds. Honesty goes a long way in online dating.

Pick one headshot and one body shot. Potential dates want to see who you are. Don't be sly and post grainy, blurry, or otherwise poor quality photos. Choose one nice headshot and another that is full-length. If you only post photos from the neck up they will assume you have something to hide. So show off!

Pick at least one "active" picture. This is really important. You want to tell a story with pictures, because many people flip through photos first before they even start to read the profile. If you tell them your interests in photos - whether it's a shot of you hiking, sailing, horseback riding, or playing the guitar, they have a conversation starter.

Don't hide your face. Stay away from photos with hats and sunglasses as they hide your features. People like to see your eyes, your hair, and your whole face - not what you're wearing.

Don't stand beside your toys, friends or exes. Many guys like to take pictures next to their expensive cars, houses, or boats. This is not attractive to women. It makes you look like you have something to prove. Instead, choose pictures of you - just you. And ladies - don't include a group shot with friends, otherwise he might never figure out which one is you. (And do you really want to know he thought he was emailing your friend?) And for both sexes - choosing pictures with exes is a big no-no. We can tell even if you Photoshop them out. Leave them out of the mix.

So about that whole "lying in your online dating profile" thing...

You shouldn't do it. I know it. You know it. I know you know it. You know I know it. And yet you're going to do it anyway. Or, at least, you'll be tempted.

I get it...you want to put your best foot forward, and sometimes it feels like the only way to do that is to invent a totally new foot.

Here's the truth: you don't need that new foot, and it's more likely to hurt you than to help you. Here's why you shouldn't lie in your online dating profile:

Reason #1 - It's not fair to you.

• You're selling yourself short if you aren't honest in your online dating profile. You'll never find someone you're really compatible with if you lie about who you really are. Instead you'll wind up with someone who's perfect for the person you were pretending to be, which won't make either of you happy. Do yourself a favor and be honest so you can meet a match who is actually right for you.

Reason #2 - It's not fair to them, either.

• Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot (sorry for all the feet metaphors today). Would you be happy if you fell for someone, only to find out later that they were nothing like the person they pretended to be? You'd feel cheated, angry, resentful, maybe even humiliated. That kind of dishonesty will end the relationship the moment it is revealed.

Reason #3 - It's a lot of work.

• Seriously - inventing and maintaining a good lie takes a lot of effort. Unless you're some kind of sociopathic supergenius, you're probably not going to be able to pull it off. At some point your story will slip, and then you'll be in serious trouble. It's better to tell the truth from the beginning than to have to constantly cover your tracks.

Reason #4 - It's not a quality people look for in a relationship.

• Have you ever seen a dating profile that mentioned "dishonesty" in the list of desirable traits in a partner? No, you haven't. You'll never find it nestled between "Intelligence," "Humor," and "Confidence." No one is looking for a partner who thinks it's better to lie than to be themself. Long-term relationships are built on truth and trust; founding one on a lie is bound to end in disaster.

Reason #5 - It's a waste of time.

• It wastes your time. It wastes your date's time. It probably even wastes the time of someone I haven't thought of yet. Why devote so much effort to creating a profile full of lies when you could be putting that same amount of time into crafting a wonderful and honest profile? The truthful profile will make you a happier match than the dishonest one ever could.

Falling in love is portrayed as many things: sudden, impetuous, unexpected, serendipitous. A roller coaster of emotion. These are the things we expect, based on stories we’ve heard, books we’ve read and movies we’ve seen. As such, sometimes people are hesitant to try online dating because they feel it might be the opposite - or when they do decide to sign up, some do it in the most spur-of-the-moment, impetuous way possible. Editing? Doing research? That all sounds like homework, some might say.

Maybe, in a way, it is. But here’s why you don’t need to worry about losing the spark of spontaneity if you decide to try online dating: because the falling in love doesn’t happen through a profile. And just as you might research a venue before a first date, or review a movie to ensure it’s not inappropriate for budding love, doing your online dating homework can help ensure a smoother path for your emotional roller coaster.

For example, some people might just choose an online dating site at random. While that’s not always bad, and sometimes you’ll find duplicate profiles across sites anyway, checking out a few other sites certainly never hurts. You might find that the people in your area tend to favor one site over another, or that the profiles present information in a way you find more intuitive or inspiring. Perhaps people with your niche interests all seem to congregate at one particular site. Feeling comfortable with a site can make or break the experience for some. You don’t have to feel like you need to belong to every site out there, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure you’re as comfortable as you could be.

When you start browsing sites, chances are you’ll be reading profiles. After just a handful of them, you’ll probably start to notice patterns or cliches. Maybe you’ll notice a profile that stands out as “different” or particularly appealing. Channel your inner student and take notes! So many people later feel their first draft was so generic; why not skip over that step and figure out how to set yourself apart a little sooner? Also, don’t forget to maintain your profile over time - just because that movie reference felt right six months ago doesn’t necessarily mean it does now. Editing and maintenance might seem like a chore, but it’s a worthy one.

Remember, the point of a profile is find new people to meet than you otherwise wouldn’t have. And, ultimately, the “how-you-met” part isn’t really the most exciting part of the story. It’s a jumping-off point, but it only gains importance because of what came later: the butterflies, the ups and downs, the real story. Doing your homework might not seem particularly spontaneous, but it only helps you find that person more easily.