Divorce

The end of a significant relationship can really take its toll on your overall well-being. It’s hard to move past the depression and heartache, and we often find ourselves indulging – whether it’s binge-watching TV shows, eating poorly, drinking too much or having sex.

We all find different ways to comfort ourselves, but eventually, we know we must move past the heartache and deal with our pain. Part of the process of grieving past relationships is understanding the relationship itself, what you learned, and finding a way each day to move past the hurt – bit by bit.

Following are some ways to start the healing process post-breakup:

Nurture yourself. There’s no time like the present to start taking care of yourself. Book a massage – the power of touch is underestimated, and a very valuable part of the healing process. Take a relaxing bath. Meditate. Do things that help you replenish your energy – you need to recharge your emotional battery.

Get exercise. There’s something about the power of endorphins. I never liked running, but when I started, while it was difficult at first, the payoff of feeling wonderful was too big a reward. You feel better, you gain a little more optimism, and you have something to look forward to each day, rather than wasting away on your couch. Try walking, or a Zumba class, or whatever floats your boat. Any type of exercise is helpful to healing.

Enlist the support of friends. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help – likely they want to support you but don’t know the best way. Let them know you want to go out for dinner – don’t just hole up in your apartment until you are ready to socialize again. Talk about your break-up, and ask them about their lives, too. Friendships are invaluable during these difficult periods in our lives.

Find a new hobby. It might sound cliché, but learning a new sport or craft, or really investing time in a hobby that you love does wonders for your healing. For one thing, you can be completely in the moment when you are trying to learn something new, which takes you out of your grief. Another plus – it could lead to a new passion.

Venture into a new routine.  Instead of frequenting the restaurants or coffee shops you went to with your ex, drive to a new neighborhood and try something new. Introduce yourself to a neighbor you never really spoke to before. Try a morning jog instead of going out for coffee before work. Mixing things up is soothing medicine for the soul.

Young singles in Iran have long been using Western online dating sites to meet each other, with over 300 operating within its borders. But now, the government wants to get involved in residents’ personal lives by creating its own online dating website – drawing users away from Western sites, which are perceived to encourage sex before marriage.

The move is prompted by a growing divorce rate among young couples – especially those under 30 – which has the country’s leaders concerned. Government officials link the high divorce rate to the “immoral” tendencies of the way Western dating sites operate, which they perceive are intended for more casual hook-ups. So now, the government is appealing to young peoples’ technologically-savvy tendencies to push their own agenda among online daters. The big question is: will it actually attract users?

In a country where Internet access and social media is tightly controlled by religious authorities, it seems an unusual step for the government to jump on the online dating bandwagon. The Iranian government has long been weary of online dating sites, but now with rising divorce rates, they want to turn things around.

The challenge comes with the dating site itself – hamsan.tebyan.net is run by the Islamic Development Organization, an institution under the supervision of the Supreme Leader that “promotes the Islamic lifestyle,” according to a report by the BBC.

Basic profile information is not shared among users – including pictures, hobbies, and interests like favorite movies or food. Religious authorities deem this type of sharing as “immodest.” Instead, users are only able to see things like a match’s height, weight, and parents’ professions.

There are some government-approved dating websites that operate in Iran, which offer for a young couple to meet and date under the supervision of a cleric, typically in the cleric’s office. The couples’ parents can be brought in if it seems there is likely a match to be made.

Single residents of Iran used to Western online dating sites are skeptical of the government-run site. One told BBC Persian: "Matches would be chosen by the people running the website, and I can't trust that they would make the right decision. Other websites have arithmetic that match candidates according to their likes and dislikes, but this one is entirely arbitrary," he said.

Right now, the service only operates in Tehran, but the government plans to open it to other cities.

Little Lizzie McGuire herself, Hilary Duff, is officially on Tinder.

Her appearance on the popular dating app has been big news since a Tinder user came across her profile and posted a screen shot to Reddit. Naturally, there were plenty of skeptics, but Duff confirmed to radio show Valentine in the Morning that she is indeed on the app. And that's not all she had to say about her new adventures as a mobile dater.

"In my life I've always had really serious boyfriends, I've always met people through work, and I've never been on a blind date," she said. Determined to try something new, she turned to Tinder and called the experience “wildly addicting” so far.

Some would dip their toes slowly into the online dating waters, but not Ms. Duff. She jumped straight in and says she's talking to “probably about nine guys right now.” Not to suggest she has no standards – a shirtless mirror selfie is an instant swipe left, she explains, while a funny profile is likely to get you a right swipe.

Duff even went as far as to dish on her first Tinder dates. It appears her style is low-key, active, and affordable. Her first date was to a bowling alley, with the second scheduled for a go-karting track. She even brought friends along to the first date, making sure things stayed safe and laidback.

So how did things go on the big day? During an interview with On Air With Ryan Seacrest, Duff said “He was cool. He brought a friend and I had some friends there. He used to be in editing for reality shows. Now, he’s an actor and he just wrote a play. He’s an interesting guy.”

Still, it doesn't seem that sparks flew on the first try. She says the night didn't end with a kiss, and that she's unsure about the prospect of a second date. “I don’t know how I’m feeling,” she told Seacrest. “We’ll see how it goes.”

Duff likely has plenty more meetups to look forward to, as rumor has it cameras were rolling during her bowling date. Sources told TMZ that Duff plans to capture her exploits in the dating world on camera for a reality show that chronicles her life as a new divorcée.

So far her rep has no comment about the potential reality show, but Duff was allegedly seen on a second date and once again cameras were recording the proceedings.

Will you be tuning in if the Duff dating show makes it to TV?

Wondering if you should try online dating? Before you craft your profile, a new study by Michigan State University and Stanford found that people who met online weren’t as likely to stay together for the long-haul as those couples who met offline.

As it turns out, online dating sites who have been touting their matching success rates may not be telling the whole story. Many couples have successfully gotten together thanks to online dating, but that doesn’t mean they have lasted. The separation and divorce rates for folks who paired up online was much higher than for those who met their partners offline in more traditional ways.

According to the report, 8% of married couples who met their spouses online reported to have ended their marriage in separation or divorce, compared to approximately 2% of married couples who met their spouses offline. And compared to 23% couples who had met offline, 32% of couples who had met online had broken up in the following year of the survey.

Ashley Madison, the infamous dating website that makes its revenue from matching married people looking for affairs, has now admitted to spying on its own users.

A recent study published by the company was gathered from emails the sites’ users sent to each other under what they assumed was a condition of anonymity. According to a recent article in Time Magazine, Eric Anderson, a professor at the University of Winchester in England who conducted the study, claims that “women who seek extra-marital affairs usually still love their husbands and are cheating instead of divorcing, because they need more passion.”

“It is very clear that our model of having sex and love with just one other person for life has failed— and it has failed massively,” Anderson tells Time.

As it turns out, Ashlay Madison seems to have commissioned this study to boost its membership numbers - that is, to prove that almost every person in a monogomous relationship is looking to cheat, (and therefore should join their website). But for those who join the site on a strict condition of anonymity because they don’t want their partners to find out, this study is a direct infringement on their right to privacy.

So Ashley Madison is now in a tricky spot. Has it alienated its members, since now they know their emails are no longer strictly confidential, but subject to studies and read by a third party? Perhaps it was in the fine print when they joined the site, as most dating sites collect user information for the purposes of research. But most don’t analyze individual emails being sent back and forth between individual users.

As Time Magazine also points out, because of the nature of the dating site, and the fact that most of its members are being dishonest or lying by the mere fact that they are using the site for an extramarital affair, it calls into question the integrity of the data itself. Who knows what is true and what isn’t in each email? Who can say that anyone on the site is honest in any email they send to another site user?

According to Anderson, his data “included profile information that the women supplied when they signed up for the site (information not made available to other Ashley Madison users),” as well as information other users could see. “We also acquired all private message conversations that [users] had with men on the website for one month,” Anderson told Time.

The results of the study are still somewhat questionable. Anderson claims that in our sexualized culture, married folks could feel as if they are missing out when they are only having sex with one partner.

While this might be true for the users of Ashley Madison, it doesn't mean that it's applicable to the majority of married couples in the U.S.

Divorce isn't an easy thing to go through. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and lonely, especially if you'd been growing apart from your former spouse for a while. It can also make you afraid to move forward in your love life. How do you decide when you're ready to date again, and what will it be like?

There's no doubt it takes time to heal, so if you're recently divorced it's good to give yourself a break and don't jump into a new relationship head-first. Also, if you have children to consider you might want to take things slowly before you introduce someone new into their lives. (And you might also prepare yourself - you'll likely be dating people who have children and busy schedules themselves.)

So how do you go about dating, or deciding whether you're ready for a new relationship? Everyone is different, so it's important to know yourself and what feels right for you. Following are some tips on getting back out there:

Take time to heal. Resist the urge to start dating because you're lonely. Maybe your kids are out of the house and it feels empty, but this isn't a good reason to form a new relationship. It's important to get to know yourself first, outside of who you are as a partner. Try a new hobby or sport that has always interested you. Make new friends who are single. Take baby steps to try and craft a new life for yourself that feels good to you.

Dip your toe in the dating pool first. I have a recently divorced friend who has been married twice and has had several long-term relationships. And after every break-up, he finds a new relationship almost immediately, throwing himself into his lover's life, only to have it end again. Instead of going straight to the next relationship, I think it's important to take a break. Give yourself a chance to grieve your divorce and understand what you really want. Then when you're ready, sign up for an online dating site and start going on dates with more than one person.

Be honest with your dates about where you are. Keep your options open, and let your dates know you're not ready for exclusivity. There's no need to jump into anything. It's important to be alone as well as to be with someone else, so let yourself have that experience.

Date outside your type. I know most of us have a type that we are attracted to - whether it's the dark-haired emotionally unavailable type or the blonde, reserved and non-communicative type. If you find yourself gravitating towards someone who reminds you of your ex, it's probably a good idea to take a step back and evaluate. Don't repeat old patterns. Date someone you would normally not consider, and see how it goes. Now is the time to experiment!

Take it slow. Dating is different for everyone. Don't feel pressured to act or move forward according to some kind of timeline of what "should" happen or what your date wants. Dating isn't a race, it's a process. If you're not ready for a relationship, or to sleep with your date, don't feel that something is wrong. Pay attention to your own timeline and go with what feels right to you.