Advice

Building a relationship is never an easy task. Even after many years of living together couples still have to deal with their differences that became so obvious the very first day of their cohabitation. That's why much patience is required when starting a full-fledged relationship with a person whom you only know through correspondence and the two of you have spent just a week or two together.

Culture

If your partner comes from a faraway country and a culture very much different from your own, these differences may become the greatest source of tensions for you as a newly born couple. It can be silly things like - she's used to having instant coffee and just can't figure out the coffee-maker; or she forgets to say hello and smile to your next door neighbor. But it can also apply to things by far more important - like family budget and relations with in-laws. If the little misunderstandings in the kitchen could be solved rather quickly with a good share of humor, the more serious issues will require a lot of time and effort to settle. Don't forget that what seems natural to you is a completely new way of thinking that she's not accustomed to. Communicate your position reasonably, hear out what she has to say about the issue, and work out together where your opposing opinions can meet.

Understanding

As an accepting party taking in a foreigner into your house, you have a better chance of seeing the bigger picture behind your tensions. After all, you're still in your own country, your family and friends are close at hand and ready to support you. On the whole your lifestyle remains almost intact. Now imaging how your partner's life changes - she's out of her background, away from family and friends, in a completely new surrounding, having to speak a language which is not her native any time she wants to be understood. It's pretty much akin to turning one's life upside down and around 180 degrees. If the conflict is becoming too intense, be prepared to concede and if needed get back to discussing the issue when both of you are not so wound up emotionally.

Adjustment

Any change generates tension, and depending on the individual's adaptability radical change may provoke different degrees of stress. Thus, do your best to introduce change slowly and without pressuring your partner too much. Don't expect her to change overnight. Give her time and space to learn. Most of the people can adjust to any kind of life changes, but it's better if they do it at their own pace establishing analogies between the old and the new.

The extra mile

Keep in mind that simply working through the cultural tensions and stress caused by radical change of environment is simply not enough to make a relationship function properly. That will only save it from collapsing at the very beginning. A lot of love and affection, as well as tolerance and time is required to establish firm ties between two people and make living together not only bearable but enjoyable for both of you.

After all, you know you're not taking this risk for nothing. With the help of the modern technology you've met a person whom you would most probably never meet otherwise. If you believe that this precious person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, don't hesitate to take that extra step and go the extra mile for her. Getting to know each other deeply and intimately, you'll be able to create a symbiotic relationship grounded in trust, respect and communication.

You're a man in your 50s and she's barely 25. You wonder if it's even worth trying to establish a relationship and she tells you she doesn't mind your age. Or perhaps she even says she's in love with you? If I were you I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. But keep in mind that stranger things happen every day, so she just might be telling you the truth about her feelings. Don't lose your head, no matter how eloquent she is at expressing her feelings. Instead, try to figure out why she's into you. Here's what a friend of mine, a girl in her early 20s, tells about why she prefers older men to their younger counterparts:

1. An older man, and I mean mid 40s early 50s age group, is not the same as he was 20 years before. He usually won't act all goofy around you, won't make a fool of himself in public, and won't hurt you for nothing just because he had a rough day at work. He's more stable emotionally and is prepared to discuss with you the issues the two of you might have, instead of running around screaming and shouting hysterically to make his point. He doesn't tend to mistake a simple misunderstanding for a relationship disaster.

2. An older man is more inclined to feel responsible for the girl he is with. By this age the man is normally a fully developed individual. He has made a career of some sort and most probably has subordinates at work. So he doesn't shun away in fear when someone has to take the lead in a stressful situation. This appeals to girls like me coz I don't always want to be dealing with life on my own. Sometimes I just want a man to tell me what to do or simply let him take care of it all himself.

3. After 40 the man has already lived past his sexual peak and it's again good news for his girl. I'm not joking!! He's not like 'I'm ready baby, lets get down to business' anymore. He's not inclined to pressure you. He's more gentle and leading rather than pushing and insisting. He doesn't ignite so fast, which leaves a lot of time to engage in foreplay. And what's more important - he knows what to do to make a girl feel right.

4. I'm a late child of my parents and I'm really close with my father. Perhaps that's why I'm looking for a man with me to be a lot older than I. I like to be treated like a little girl and I like the man to take the lead - it's just such a turn-on really!!

Of course there are more reasons why some girls find older men attractive. If the age difference is no more than 10 years, it can be disregarded altogether, provided that the two of you 'click' socially and emotionally. If the age difference is much more than 10 years, you should think of it twice and ask the girl a few questions. For example:

- Do you usually fall in love with men of my age, or it's the first time you're interested in a man significantly older than yourself?

- How would your friends react if they saw you with a man who's old enough to be your father?

- Let alone the fact that I'm a foreigner, but I'm also much older than you - What if your parents were really against our relationship?

If her replies sound untrue, perhaps she's merely after your pocket. But if her answers are grounded in reality, she just might be one of those 'Daddy's girls', like the friend of mine I mentioned above. So never lose hope, but keep your eyes wide open at all times.

As we all know, there are many types of kiss. Here are some of them, who is the type that uses them and what they mean:

• The French kiss - passion. Lasts for ever. Involves all parts of the mouth and excites the rest of the body. The point of this kiss is a "meeting" between the two tongues. The French kiss is a kind of trespassing to one's privacy and can sometimes stimulate a rejection especially if the partner is the shy/afraid/close type.
• The overall kiss - Starts with the mouth, goes to the cheeks, the nose, the forehead and sometimes further.
• The woodpecker kiss - The name says it all. Very economic, quick and sometimes even irritating.
• The polite kiss - Based on the woodpecker kiss but with more hesitation in it: should I kiss on the "given" cheek or should i just make a low light sound of kiss next to the ear?
• The aunty kiss - Suction a part of someone's cheek into a foreign mouth while leaving some lipstick on it.
• The closed eyes kiss - usually by very romantic people that like to fantasies. While they close the eyes, they get the opportunity to concentrate on their fantasy, as they do not want it to be ruined by a nose hair sticking out of the partner's nose, god forbid.
• The opened eyes kiss - those people are always on a "watch". Got to be in control. Connected to reality. Can not and would not let this experience swap them away. There is no fear on "crashing down" as they never left the ground. Those people and the suspicious, careful controlled type.
• The sterilized kiss - people who kiss like that are to sterile for this "passion" act. For them, a kiss must be clean and descent. Very polite and probably boring.
• The total kiss - Completely in it. They give it all. Love maniacs. They will never limit their kiss to one specific part of the body.
• The locked lips kiss - Signalizing some kind of fear, shyness or just "I don't feel like it really". It is like talking to someone behind a door with a chain.
• The vacuum kiss - A passion kiss that might hurt. It is a kiss the kind of "arguing" with the partner - my place or yours? It is like the kisser is trying to swallow the partner - not so much for love as for lust.

So.. What type of kisser are you?

Hi I'm Sapphireblue78 ;) that's my nic. I'm a 27 year old single gal like everyone looking for love! When it comes to kisses, flirts, smiles ect. they come freely. Some from nice guys, shy guys, all backgrounds and ages. Some hits and some err.... misses. So why after about 2 years on a dating site am I still single and looking? Let me pour a glass of wine and spill all...

Ok so at first I got so much attention I didn't know what to do. Id recently broken up with my boyfriend and was feeling a little fragile (been there?). Chat boosted my ego enormously. It took about 8 months of celibacy and going out of my mind to finally meet up with bachelor no 1. A moody dark hot fellow who against better judgment I met up with and ended up in a hot night of passion ;0 oops! He soon made it clear that he wasn't actually interested in a relationship so it was back on the wagon. I moved to the Inner city where I figured there had to be a better opportunity I met bachelor no 2 and just had no spark, at all even after 3 months of dating (don't string it out if you don't feel it) the "but he's a nice guy and has his *censored* together" Girls DONT SETTLE if you don't feel it cut your losses and move on. So on went more meetings where some didn't look anything like the picture, some I just didn't hit it off at all or vice versa.

The most current date which I thought I had finally struck gold! relationship material, gorgeous, seemed to have *censored* together didn't..... very disappointing...very.

My personal take on net dating is to send a few emails or chat on MSN to see if you "feel it" the conversation flows and you have a lot in common. I also make it very clear that If I we meet up its just as friends and not to have unrealistic expectations. There is no need to put yourself under that kind of pressure if its meant to be it will. I also say that if you or I don't feel it just say and its all good no hard feelings and good luck with it all.

I have found by being honest and upfront I haven't had any experiences where a bloke has felt I led him on. I find that people on these sites weather its subconscious or not have an expectation of some type.

Touch wood by taking this approach I have not had a "bad date". I don't understand how love got so complicated all at once do you?

I am trying to get out more and meet people but have you noticed how they don't interact? You can be in a crowded room and feel completely alone coz people don't talk to each other. I look someone in the eye and they look away or at the floor like they cant stand it.

If there is one thing I have learned its that the whole dating and love game is a mind F...k you need to know 2 things for certain- who you are and what you want and never let go- people will influence and throw you off but if you aren't true to those 2 things you wont find happiness which is the most important thing.

The other thing you need is a good friend, someone who you can talk too and rely on no matter what and someone you don't ditch if you do get a man! When a storm comes you need someone to show you that the sun is just behind the clouds in your mind.

I have faith in me, I have faith in you and we have faith in being true to ourselves and know that one day we will meet the person who is our match. I wish you all the very best in your search......thank you for reading.

When it comes to flirting, you can get your point across very easily just using your eyes. Take a moment and watch people who are in love. See how they look at each other - they stare directly into each other's eyes for extended periods of time. Look at mere friends. See their eyes? They seem to flit back and forth, making eye contact, but never extended eye contact.

What do I mean by extended eye contact? Holding someone's gaze for 1-2 seconds. Looking deep into their eyes for that time. I realize that couples may look at each other in this way for longer periods of time, but remember they are ALLOWED to do this - they are a couple. For our purposes, you are just flirting.

If you were to try and stare into some girl's eyes for long periods of time (especially if you don't know her), she will think that you're staring at her and she'll think that you're strange (because you're making her feel uncomfortable).

The goal here is to make eye contact with her, and to hold her attention by looking straight into her eyes for a couple of seconds so that she gets the idea that you're interested in her.

Be sure to smile, or to at least have a partial smile on your face as you do this. If you stare at her like this with a stone face, you'll freak her out. She'll either think that you're mad at her, or that you're just some type of psycho (both are bad).

If she seems to quickly look away, she is either playing hard to get, or she doesn't have an interest in you. Either way, if you feel that she's worth the effort, you will probably have to persue some decent conversation with her.

There are few things worse to a single person than being all alone, dateless, and stuck in on a Saturday night.

After all, since time immemorial, Saturday night has always been the main one for going out and having fun, hasn't it. Gangs of friends all go out on the town together, as do all those courting couples, whose blissful togetherness never fails to make you green and sick with envy.

And while everybody else is having all this fun, painting the town red, getting merrily inebriated, and snogging outside nightclubs, you are pitiably all on your own, with nobody in the world to share such weekend indulgences with. You feel so miserable, so isolated, and so unloved, that it seems as if you are the only person in the world who hasn't got anybody. Of course, in reality, that's just not true, for the lonely hearts columns and internet dating agencies are just packed with thousands of similarly lonely people, all searching for companionship.

Even so, as you continue to brood in utter misery and isolation, in your cold and empty room, you just cannot shake off the nagging feeling that you have been cruelly singled out by some grossly unfair quirk of fate to be single - and, perhaps, single all your life.

Not a very comforting prospect, is it?

So what can you do about it? What would be the ideal solution to your depressing problem of being all alone on a Saturday night?

As you sit there in your armchair, munching slowly and meditatively from the box of chocolates resting on your knee, watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (oh for money and the good life!), your mind starts to run through possible answers that could enrich your barren social life beyond your wildest dreams.

What about trying the lonely hearts columns again? Hmmmm, don't know whether it's worthwhile really. Because when you think back to all those occasions when you did venture to select and contact suitable advertisers, you cringe inwardly as you recall all the resulting disappointments you met with. The worst were the ones who didn't even bother to reply when you left a message on their voice mail box number. Sheer ignorance or what! It only goes to show how some of these so-called "lonely hearts" advertisers can turn out to be . . . well, so heartless.

Then how about scouring the local paper's entertainment section for any single clubs in your area for, say, 18-30's? Nope, not trying that again, you decide, scowling unfavourably at the thought. You remember the last time you went along to one of these "singles nights". Far from being a paradise full of attractive, unattached people, it turned out to be a hell-hole of drunken yobs and foul-mouthed slappers, an unsavoury ambience that was only exacerbated by the deafeningly loud music. Even if the clientele had have been approachable, there was no way you could have struck up an audible conversation anyway with that racket.

Then what about trying the internet dating sites? But again you hesitate, then drop the idea as yet more bitter memories of dating- search frustration flood your mind. God knows how many of these online dating sites you've tried before. For some reason, you seem to be the only person who never seems to have much luck with them. And you can never forget the time when you were taken in by the photo of what you thought was your ideal partner - only to find, when you actually met that person, that they looked nothing like their photo, but more like something that had just been thrown out of Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors for being too ugly! God, what a shock that had been!

As your lonely Saturday night hours tick by, so your brain discards option after option regarding how to solve your loveless loneliness. It's looking bleak again, isn't it? Just what on earth can you do to meet your perfect partner? How can you break free from this endless prison of Saturday night loneliess, boredom and misery?

As Chris Tarrant ends his Millionaire show, and as all the adverts come on, you glance at the clock on the wall: 9.00 p.m. The pubs should be filling up by now, full of revellers living Saturday night to the full. God how you envy them! They have company. You don't. Life is a *censored*. Life stinks.

Life is passing you by.

In another couple of hours, you will be sliding into your carpet slippers to shuffle into the kitchen to make yourself a hot drink. You feel old before your time, which in truth is quite a ridiculous attitude to harbour, as you are still only 35. But that's what being single and lonely does to you. You feel as if nobody wants to know you. You feel so rejected and unwanted, just like a very old person might feel.

You sigh wearily, dejectedly, as you reach for the remote control. Flicking through the channels, your despondency at being single is only irritated by the endless stream of programs depicting happy couples in love, snogging away fervently and ostentatiously. You curse with burning jealously. In Heaven's name, why oh why do are these TV producers so couples orientated these days? What about doing some shows for single people for a change?

Becoming utterly sick to death of these over-passionate love scenes, you decide to switch off the TV set and go and make your nightcap. To alleviate the silence of the house, you switch on the radio, then slump down at the kitchen table, waiting for your milk to boil.

As the night time DJ waffles on between records, you just hope he doesn't decide to play any records whose theme might centre on lonely people on a Saturday night, with nobody to talk to. Such melodies only rub salt into a lonely person's wounds, until you feel like screaming at the DJ to turn that (BLEEP)-ing thing off!

Well, blessedly, he doesn't play any such record, and for the next ten minutes or so, you sit at the kitchen table, supping your steaming Horlicks and trying to think of new avenues to explore with a view to ending your Saturday night loneliness forever.

Oh no, the DJ doesn't play any unsuitable songs . . . but, just after the news, he does start a segment in his show which, as far as you are concerned, is the last straw: he starts reading out all those lovey-dovey, slushy, utterly irritating dedications. Messages like "To Sexy Bum, from your loving Hunk."

That's it!

Slamming your empty mug down on the table angrily, you jump up from your seat and dash to the sideboard to switch off the radio. That's enough of all that stomach-churning sweet talk, thank you very much!

Time for bed, you think. Get your head down. Make Saturday night go over quicker by having an early night.

Being single is a bummer.

Being single on a Saturday night - when everybody else is out enjoying themselves - is a double bummer.

As you switch off the light and snuggle down under the bedclothes, you find that before too long, you start drifting off to sleep. A deep, peaceful, contented sleep.

And suddenly, it's Saturday night again!

God, how it comes around so quickly!

Only this time, you are not alone. You are with the partner of your dreams. At long last! And you are on the town, pubbing and clubbing, and living Saturday night to the full, as it should be lived. You couldn't be more happier.

Thank God for dreams!