Holidays

We’re in the swing of the holiday season, and that’s a time when many consider signing up to online dating websites for the first time. Maybe it’s the nostalgia, the emphasis on family, the holiday parties, or the increase in TV movies; regardless, many do consider being more proactive in their search for love around this time.

The problem is that the end of the year is not just a time for holidays. For a good portion of the globe, it’s also cold and flu season. Depending on your job, it might be the busiest, most stressful time of year. It can be a time in which familial obligations are increased - and for many, this also equals added stress. Maybe this is the time of year to squeeze in traveling and vacation.

Thus, it’s not unheard of to sign up to an online dating site, create a profile, start chatting with someone - and promptly get pneumonia, or have to leave for the next two weeks, or be swamped with work and plans with family members.

Granted, this sort of bad timing could happen at any point in the year - people get sick, have jobs that get busy at varying times, and so on. But the somewhat universal experience of holiday nostalgia, paired with the somewhat universal experience of holiday stress, seems to be a recipe for increased, widespread dating frustration.

Does this mean you should avoid online dating during the holidays? Not necessarily. After all, new people are signing up, so it’s a good opportunity to check out fresh faces and send some first-contact emails. But let’s say you know you get run-down every year at this time, or swamped. Instead of plunging into online dating headfirst for the first time, perhaps you could hold off for just a few more weeks; you might feel like time’s a-wasting, but perhaps you’re just giving your prospective matches time to recover from their own illnesses and obligations.

The same logic applies at any point in the year; if you know life is hectic, stressful and you’re physically worn out, now might not be the best time to attempt to meet new people. Instead, work on beefing up your immune system and your profile. Once you make that decision to sign up, it’s tempting to do so at that very moment, but consider: if you’re going to meet a potential match, won’t you want to be clearheaded enough to decide if you’re actually compatible?

It's that time of year! Houses are strung with lights, carolers are singing, and mistletoe seems to be hanging everywhere. While there's a lot of celebrating and gift-giving all around, the holidays can make some people feel more lonely and excluded. Ever been to a family dinner or office party where everyone was coupled up?

This year, it's time to make a few promises to yourself. If you want to meet someone, it's important to be social and put yourself out there rather than letting the season go by and holing up in your house until January. And if you're coming off a break-up, then it's important to set some boundaries with friends and family (who might want to introduce you to cousin Phil's co-worker) and instead do what feels right for you (thanks but no thanks!).

Following are some tips for the holiday season:

Keep office parties professional. Maybe you love your co-workers and have gone to happy hours with them on several occasions, but an office party is different. Consider it an extension of your workday. You don't want to drink too much and subsequently flirt with your boss's husband. Keep your personal life out of office politics - even during the holidays. There are plenty of other places to meet people.

Reign in family gatherings. Do you feel like you get cornered by Aunt Sally at every holiday meal because she wants to know all about who you're dating and why you're not married? Instead of searching for answers to her questions, politely excuse yourself and let her know you're just fine being solo. Many people feel a responsibility to get their single friends and family a partner, but it's okay to let them know you're not interested.

Accept invitations to parties, dinners. Afraid of going alone to your friend's holiday party? Resist the urge to call your ex boyfriend and ask him to go with you. A wise friend once told me that men and women are attracted to people who go to parties alone - it makes them look confident, mysterious and sexy! Who doesn't want that? Don't turn down the invitation if you can't find a date - instead, embrace the opportunity. You might end up with a date by the end of the night.

Embrace the spirit of the season. I love the holidays, and certain rituals I grew up with make me happy no matter if I'm alone or with someone. I still like to bake cookies, volunteer, and decorate my home. Do you have a special ritual that you do over the holidays, like getting a massage or going out for Chinese food? Have you wanted to volunteer with your local food bank or women's shelter? Now is the time to do what makes you feel good to get in the holiday spirit.

Are you online dating, wondering how to juggle your holiday schedule? Or have you met someone great, but you're not sure whether or not to bring her to your office holiday party or family gathering?

The holiday season can be stressful, because there is so much going on and expectations can run a little higher than usual. Remember not to put pressure on yourself or any budding relationships - after all, if this were May instead of December, would you be pushing her to meet your family? Probably not.

Remember to relax, sit back, and enjoy yourself. Following are some tips to keep you on track.

No expensive gifts. If you just started dating, then you might want to hold off on purchasing that iPad mini for your love - no matter how smitten you might be. Don't look to impress because it's the holiday season. Besides, your date doesn't want you to give him an iPad when all he gave you was a scarf. And if you just started dating, you might want to consider having a conversation about not exchanging gifts at all.

Mix things up. This is a great time of year to avoid your typical dinner and drinks date. Instead, offer to take her sledding, ice skating under the stars, or strolling through the neighborhoods that go all-out with their Christmas decorations. There are plenty of great options if you just look.

Careful with family invitations. Maybe your parents are excited to meet the new guy you've been talking about, but is the holiday season the best time to introduce him? It might put unnecessary pressure and expectations on your relationship. Save the introductions until you've been dating a while, and bring him home to mom and dad when you're both ready.

Don't expect an invitation in return. If you decided to invite your new love to your family gatherings and office holiday parties, don't be upset if he doesn't return the favor. Relationships move at their own pace, and shouldn't be dictated by a holiday schedule. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or your date.

Take things slow. Are you dating more than one guy this season? Have they both asked you to holiday parties and family dinners? Maybe it's time to take a step back. Instead of trying to juggle your commitments, let your dates know that you're not ready for anything serious or to meet the family. Just spend time dating each man and get to know them better, as you would any other time of year. Don't feel pressured to make a commitment just because of the holidays. Take your time, relax, and enjoy.

Around the holidays, it's easy to get caught up in the bustle - shopping for gifts for friends and family, going to holiday parties, and keeping an active social life. But sometimes it can feel like a bit much - which is why a lot of people tend to get depressed over the holidays.

For some, the holidays are a reminder of everything you don't have in your life - whether it's money, a house you love, a good career, family close by, or a romantic partner. There is evidence of happiness all around you - in the decorations or non-stop Christmas music, and yet you don't feel inspired or happy. You see couples holding hands and families laughing together and you might wonder why you're still alone.

While you can't help your feelings, it's also important to remind yourself to be grateful for all the things you already have in your life. That's really what the holidays are about. And gratitude, more than anything else, will help you attract more happiness and love to your life.

While this might sound like a cliché, reminding yourself really works. Make a list! Here are some questions to help you get there:

What have you accomplished? For the entire year of 2013, write down all of the things you've accomplished that you're grateful for, no matter how small. Did you finish that half marathon? Did you start saving for a trip to Belize? Did you learn a little bit of French? Did you clean out your garage? These victories are all important reminders of what you are capable of, and the future you are working towards.

Who do you love? When you're sad about your love life and feel like you'll never find the right person, it's good to remind yourself about who is most important to you right now. Maybe it's your best friend, who always lets you cry on her shoulder, or maybe it's your Aunt Susan who has a plate of warm cookies for you whenever you visit. Remember the people who are there for you and send a little thank you note to each of them this holiday season. That means more than any purchase.

What do you love to do? Is there something you are passionate about, whether it's writing poetry, playing guitar, or surfing? The holiday season is a great time to indulge in those activities you most enjoy, and remind yourself that no matter what, you have passions in your life that can bring you joy. That's something to be grateful for.

Volunteer. If you're really stuck, volunteering to help those less fortunate than you is always a good reminder of how much you have in your life. Whether you go to a soup kitchen or help the single mother who lives down the street by offering to babysit her children, you're sending love into the world. And that is a good thing, no matter what time of year it is.

My generally-cynical friend, Rose, announced that she wasn’t going to keep her online profile up through the month of December. “There’s no point,” she explained. “Last year it was totally dead in my area, and besides, people just want to have a date for their work holiday party or something to do on New Year’s.”

Now, in general I don’t agree with Rose when she becomes a Negative Nancy, but for a moment I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was completely accurate. Perhaps the online dating site she uses was particularly quiet last December - after all, people often travel to see family, or use up their vacation time, over the holidays. Perhaps the majority of those still in town were looking primarily for a date to a holiday event. Still...

“So what?” I asked her.

She raised her eyebrows. “So what?” she repeated.

“So what if someone is just looking for a date to a holiday party?”

“Well,” she said, “It makes me feel like there’s just some ulterior motive - like I could be any random person, being used for some specific purpose. It seems hard to believe that a relationship could start under those conditions.”

“Sure,” I said, “I understand that. But the truth is, we never really know the motivation of the person we’ve just met. How is wanting a date for a party any different from wanting a first date to get back on that horse after a bad breakup? Or ultimately looking for a future spouse and parent to your future children? We all have some ulterior motive, but that doesn’t mean it’s sinister. Either way, we’re still not going to go out with someone we’re not remotely interested in. And if we have a great time, we’re going to want to see them again, even if we were just planning on finding someone for this one party. And what’s wrong with wanting someone to laugh with over the holidays?”

Rose looked thoughtful, but I wasn’t done yet.

“Besides,” I added, “Sure, it’s true that the majority of relationships probably start on some random day of the year and not in some ultra-romantic setting like waiting for the ball to drop on New Year’s Eve. But just because the majority of them start in more mundane settings doesn’t mean that all of them do. There’s no reason to avoid a potential relationship just because you think it’s a cliche.”

Perhaps I’m just a hopeless romantic. However, Rose did ultimately keep her profile up for the month of December, though she claimed it was just due to her “laziness.” What do you think?

2012 is upon us, and so is an annual rush to join online dating sites in the new year.

It's known as the Holiday Effect - the 15 to 20 percent increase in online daters from December to February. Every year online dating sites experience a surge in membership over the holiday season, as singles who didn't have someone to kiss under the mistletoe or at midnight on New Year's Eve turn to the Internet for a fresh start in the new year.

There are a number of reasons that January has become such a busy month for online dating. New Years resolutions are on everyone's mind, focusing many people's attention on improving their current relationships or finding a partner if they're single. The idea of making a fresh start for the new year is also a strong motivator that draws traffic to online dating sites, as is the pressure from family and friends to settle down that singles often experience during the holidays.

"There is also the anticipated Valentines Day event which many single people dread more than any other day of the year," says Penny Russell, a spokesperson for a single parent dating site, "and this often spurs them into action and a determination to seek out a new partner before that day arrives."

Doree Lewak, author of The Panic Years: A Guide to Surviving Smug Married Friends, Bad Taffeta and Life on the Wrong Side of 25 Without a Ring, believes that the pressure to be attached during this time of year is especially strong on women. "Women still feel huge pressure around the holidays," she told USA Today, "and certainly exacerbated by New Year's - to have a date. I don't think that moment has passed."

Dating sites all across the Web experience the Holiday Effect from both men and women, from Match.com who say that their busiest season is December 26 to February 14, to PlentyOfFish.com who report a 15% spike in sign ups and a 20% increase in activity from current users during that period.

And it's not just the dating sites themselves that benefit from the Holiday Effect. As more and more members join the sites, the pool of potential dates increases dramatically, improving everyone's chance of finding love in the new year. Many dating sites respond to this trend by offering special rates around the holiday season, so if you're in the market for a membership take advantage of their holiday gift and start the new year off right.

If you are interested in finding a service to join this year, you should take a look at our list of reviewed dating sites or try our dating site search tool.