Holidays

The start of a new year is also often a busy time for online dating, as people make new resolutions and vow to try out new experiences. But what if you’ve already got your profile established? Is there a way to take advantage of the surge in traffic?

First, make sure that your profile was updated recently. Even if you’re an old hand at online dating, you don’t want to give the impression that your profile has been sitting around gathering dust. Any tweak will do, but while you’ve got your editing pen out, scan for any outdated information. Are any references to upcoming movies or events outdated? Are you talking about sticky summer nights? You don’t necessarily have to add a new current reference, but you definitely don’t want any old ones lurking about.

The holidays are a prime time to take pictures, and most new profiles will reflect that. As such, if all your pictures are from the beach last summer, they might well stand out as a little odd. If you’ve got an acceptable candid photo from the holiday season, throw it in.

Not only does it say that you’re currently maintaining your profile, it says you aren’t afraid to show what you currently look like. The new year is often a time for resolutions and goals about body image. By including a current picture, you’re saying you’re confident about meeting someone new now, not after you’ve shed some holiday pounds. It’s always sensible to include a current pic anyway, but this time of year adds subtext that can work in your favor.

Don’t be afraid to internalize that subtext, either. It can be exciting and positive to share your excitement for the new year, and your own new goals, but remember that you’re trying to find someone who is compatible with who you are now, not some reinvention. You’re looking for someone with whom to have new experiences and adventures, not someone who will only be interested after them. Take advantage of the fresh profiles in the new year - but don’t lose sight of what you’re looking for.

Well folks, it's that time again. The holidays are here and they brought with them their annual dose of relationship stress and dating anxiety. Emotions always fly high around this time of year, whether you're single, dating but undefined, in a relationship, or recently broken up.

It's easy to crack under all that pressure. What you need is a holiday dating survival guide, so I've put together a few tips to see you through into 2015.

1. Don't be a social media stalker. I know it's tempting to take a little trip down memory lane, but the last thing you need to do is obsess over the past or new photos of your ex getting frisky under the mistletoe. All it will do is set you back in the healing process. Instead of reliving old memories, focus on making new ones.
2. If self-control isn't your strong point, block your ex’s profile. Remove the temptation if the temptation is too great. It's the easiest way to avoid obsessiveness. This includes online dating profiles as well as social media profiles.
3. Don't rush into a rebound relationship. Dating is healthy. But trying for too much too soon never ends well. If you aren't ready to date yet (and deep down, you know the answer), spend time with friends or family, or get some of the alone time you know you need.
4. If you are in a relationship, discuss gift giving ahead of time. This is easily one of the most nerve-wracking parts of the holidays. How much should you spend? Should you get a gift in the first place? Instead of stressing yourself out with trying to guess the right answer, just ask. Together you can make a plan and set a budget.
5. If you're not in a relationship, don't hesitate to date. Fill your social calendar. Your inbox is bound to be full of invitations during this time of year, both professional and personal. Accept as many as ypu possibly can and go with an open mind. You never know who you might meet.

If you're feeling doubtful about dating during the holidays, I have news for you: it's actually the peak season for online daters. More singles sign up for online dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day than any other time of the year. Match.com reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new member sign-ups between Christmas and V-Day.

So what are you waiting for?

Benjamin Franklin famously said that the only certain things are death and taxes. These days, a third inevitability should be added to the list: breakups.

They're an unfortunate fact of life, even now when we're wrapped up in the joy of the holiday season. Perhaps especially during the holiday season, when the pressure's on and stress is running high. Online dating app Clover decided to find out once and for all if the holidays are prime time for breakups, and their answer is...

Yes.

Sigh.

It's a downer, but it does appear December spells doom for a number of relationships. Clover analyzed data from 150,000 of its users, and found that there’s a whopping 300% leap in Clover sign-ups from people who are already in relationships during the month of December. Of those people, most are women – 33% more than men, to be precise. 6% of women who sign up during the holiday season are already attached, compared to 4.5% of men.

What's even more interesting than the gender gap is the correlation Clover discovered with income. A person is 2.5x more likely to seek a new relationship during the holiday season if he/she earns less than $60,000 per year. Clover offers no potential explanation for the phenomenon, but Bustle suggests that it could be because “most people making under $60,000 tend to be younger than those making over $60,000, which means they’re probably less inclined to 'settle down.'”

If you know a breakup is in your immediate future, you have a major decision to make. To breakup pre-holidays or post-holidays, that is the question. If you wait until after the festivities, you risk feeling like you livied a lie, but avoid the serious potential for awkwardness or loneliness. If you end things before the holidays, you won't have a sweetie to spend them with but you'll have the confidence that comes from knowing you faced the decision head-on.

Either way, remember that singlehood – before the holidays, during the holidays, and at any time after – is hardly a terrible fate. In fact, dating isn't always all it's cracked up to be, as these dating disasters will remind you. A read through a few tales of infidelity, ill-timed Facebook updates, and dual identities should be all the proof you need that spending the holidays single isn't so bad.

Besides, then you don't have to share the eggnog.

The holidays can bring added stress to your dating life. If you’re single, you might wonder if it’s a good idea to invite one of your dates out to a colleague’s party, or maybe you're be anxious about spending the holidays with prying family members.

If you've just started dating someone, you could be wondering if you should buy a gift or invite him to your office holiday party. While there are no cut and dry answers, there are a few tips that could help you enjoy the holiday instead of stressing about it:

Don’t invite a new date to important parties. These include your office holiday party and your family dinners. There’s no reason to subject a budding romance to scrutiny before you really know each other. The rest of the year, you probably take things more slowly, so keep that in mind and go at your own pace instead of feeling pressured to show up with a date.

Go easy on the gift. You don’t have to prove how much you like your date by the extravagance of your present. Instead, go for thoughtful or experiential – like buying tickets to an event you can attend together or passes to ice skate at the local outdoor rink. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, let your date know and sit this one out. There’s no harm in waiting.

Curb your alcohol intake. I know the holidays are a good time to enjoy eggnog and other festive cocktails, but know your tolerance before you start. This time of year we tend to indulge – in candy, food, and especially alcohol – and you don’t want to pass out on your date or otherwise do something embarrassing. Save your holiday indulgences for when you get together with friends.

Go solo! I know it seems intimidating to show up by yourself at a party, but as a friend of mine once told me, “there’s nothing sexier to a guy than showing up solo and having a good time.” And it’s true – going alone will help you break out of your shell. You will introduce yourself to new people, strike up conversations, and likely do a little more flirting than you would if you came with a friend.

Keep a good attitude. Your dates don’t want to hear about your ex, or your last terrible online date, or the reasons why you’re single for the holidays. Try to focus on the positive around you, and make an effort to have a good time. It will not only help your date to connect with you, it will help you have more fun, even if he or she isn’t “The One.”

The holiday season creates stress in even the most peaceful and together people among us. Not only do we put pressure on ourselves to find the perfect gifts and cook the perfect meals for friends and family – when we’re single, we also place unrealistic expectations on ourselves for where we should really be in our lives.

Instead of getting down on yourself about not being in a relationship or being a certain age and unattached – remember that the holiday season is actually a time for us to pause and remember what we DO have in our lives, rather than what we are lacking.

Following are 4 holiday dating myths we need to let go of:

I need to make excuses for why I’m single.

Despite Aunt Dora’s attempts to question your life choices or find out why exactly you’re still single, you do have control over the information you share. It’s nobody’s business who you are or aren’t dating unless you tell them. And there’s no shame in being single. Most people who question your status are insecure about being alone themselves, and are projecting their fears on to you. Don’t let them. Embrace the freedom you have, and let them see that you enjoy your life – with or without a partner.

The holidays measure the seriousness of your new relationship.

Have you just started dating? Are you worried about the etiquette of inviting him to your office holiday party, or if he’s going to invite you over for dinner with his family? Stop putting the pressure on yourself and your new relationship, and don’t use this time of year as a barometer to test your relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable meeting family or introducing him to your co-workers, let your date know that you want to take your time. There’s no rush just because it’s the holiday season. Go at your own pace, and allow yourselves time to get to know each other first.

I can’t buy a gift for someone I just started dating.

Gifts aren’t meant to be indications of how serious you are or how much you are willing to spend on your romantic interest – they are gestures. A thoughtful gesture can include a small gift like a cookbook of her favorite food or something you can do together – such as tickets to ice skate or check out a new art gallery. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, then let her know. Honesty is the best policy, so you don’t feel awkward if she gives you a gift.

The holidays are the worst time to be single.

Sometimes it can be hard when you visit well-meaning friends and relatives who ask about your single status, or when you go to office holiday parties alone. But the holidays are actually a great time to be single. There are so many gatherings where you’ll be meeting new people (no Tinder necessary), and you should accept as many invitations as you can. You never know when a friend could introduce you to someone you may just hit it off with, so it’s really okay to be single and put yourself out there.

Happy holidays!

Holidays are great for celebrating, but they can also remind us of what's missing in our lives. Especially when we visit our families. Aunt Barbara might like to ask too many personal questions, while Uncle Stan usually makes some comment about how nobody's getting any younger.

Instead of letting yourself get upset, or worse, anticipating problems before they happen, take a step back. And then take a deep breath. After all, Thanksgiving is about getting together with family and sharing a meal. It doesn't mean you are obligated to be with your family all weekend, subjected to their scrutiny. After all, you're a single, independent person, with the freedom to do what you want!

Here's what you can do for yourself this Thanksgiving:

Break from tradition. Do you travel to visit family every year for the holidays? Maybe it's time you took a year off and celebrated with friends instead. You might feel obligated to fly or drive to visit parents every year, but it's not necessarily the way you want to spend the holiday. So why not try something different? Invite friends over to your place for a pot luck. Mix it up.

Go out for a drink after dinner. There's no reason to hang out with your family all night, so why not round up a few friends and head to a local bar to share drinks, or to a movie theatre to see a new release? Have something to look forward to.

Set aside time for yourself. Your family might have your weekend scheduled full of events, but let them know ahead of time you won't be attending everything. Make a point to book a spa appointment, lunch with a friend, or even just time at a coffee shop to read your favorite book. Make time for yourself over the weekend. It's important.

Stand your ground. Friends and family don't always respect boundaries and may ask questions or put you on the spot regarding your single status. Instead of making excuses or trying to find a way out of the conversation, respond firmly but positively. After all, being single doesn't mean your life is "less than" anyone else's. In fact, you're probably more social than all of them. Let them know you're enjoying yourself and your freedom, and that you're taking your time. If that feels false, then change the subject to talk about other things in your life - like your career, your friends, or your plans to move to a new home. There's more to any life than finding a partner.

Have fun. Yes, it is possible to have fun at Thanksgiving dinner this year. Relax and remind yourself to count your blessings (that's what the holiday is for)! You have people in your life who love you.