Dating

We've all been there before. The nervousness and awkwardness of a blind date, the painful realization that your date has about as much personality as a sloth on valium, or that one date in everyone's past that was so unbearable that you would have rather stuck a butter knife in your left eyeball than have to endure another hour with this person. At least that way you can scope some eligible singles at the Emergency Room with your good eye. So why do we keep putting ourselves in situations that are more times than not uncomfortable and can have outcomes that scar us for life? It seems to me that in the never-ending search for "the one" we will do almost anything in hopes of meeting the right person. Personally, I am tired of blind dates, the let down of a potentially great date and the embarrassing fowl-ups, so I decided to do something about it and try something new, enter online dating.

It seems to me that the reason dating can be so difficult is because of the awkwardness and nervousness that accompanies meeting a potential mate. In a society of cell phones, computers and a loss of human contact, why not take advantage of what we have? Online dating can be a fun and exciting way to meet thousands of potential mates in the privacy of your own home-or office. For the guys, ask yourself if you have ever choked down sushi-despite your disgust for uncooked sea creatures-just because you thought you might potentially have something with this girl. Were the fish eggs sliding down the back of your throat worth it? My guess is probably not, but at least she was happy, right? For the ladies, how many hours of your life have been wasted putting on your eyeliner, mascara, doing your hair (then re-doing your hair), softening your skin, plucking your eyebrows, redoing your hair because its flat now, stumbling out the front door in heels, running four red lights-causing three accidents getting to the theater just on time, to find out he isn't there. Nor did he ever plan on being there since he got back with his ex last week and neglected to tell you. It's all too common, and it's getting old!

More and more people are turning to a pizza and beer in their underwear at midnight, having a great conversation all through the morning, instead of the unpredictability of a face to face in a time slot of a couple hours. With online dating, we can pick and choose who is interesting to us, and as we get to know this person better, we can decide if and when we are ready to meet. If there is no attraction, just click the little X at the top right corner of your screen, and move on! Now is the time to drink another beer, eat another slice of onion and anchovy pizza, and move on to the next eligible person. It's amazing how easy it is to avoid an uncomfortable situation online. If the chatting goes well, move on to talking on the phone, and if that works out, you're on your way to a great first meeting! At this point you know he doesn't like sushi-so make sure to meet for a burger! Happy dating!

A friend of mine is taking a dating sabbatical. She just lost her job due to corporate restructuring. She gained a few pounds over the winter. And for once, her dating calendar is not wall-to-wall excitement. She's in a bit of a slump.

All of us have been there at one time or another. We've just gotten dumped, lost the big promotion, suffered some sort of personal setback and things just aren't going our way. Our self-esteem takes a hit. We end up hanging out in our pajamas with the cat on Friday nights, watching Breakfast Club and Die Hard 2 on TNT and gnawing on a log of frozen cookie dough or eating Captain Crunch right out of the box.

When we venture out of the house for more junk food/another horrible day at the office/our best friend's wedding, it feels like the world, our world, might just be spinning in the wrong direction.

For some people, the answer to the personal slump is to stop dating altogether. When we're at our lowest, we tend to attract different people than we do when we're up and feeling like we're walking the world on a leash. Why? Confidence attracts. When you feel good, you believe you deserve every good thing (and person) that comes your way. You take more time with your appearance, eat better, spend more time with friends and have a better outlook on life in general.

On the other hand, when we feel bad, the same thing applies. We take less time with our appearance (why bother?), we eat comfort foods as though fat and sugar were going to be outlawed next month, and we tend to stick close to home. Which means, if we do happen to meet someone fabulous, it's highly likely that we'll kill the relationship before it even starts. Why? Our actions reinforce what we already believe -- we're not worth the effort, and this date, like everything else this week, is going south.

Like attracts like. Which means, if you're good-looking and successful, you'll attract others who are good-looking and successful. But those characteristics are entirely subjective. Which means, you only have to feel good-looking and successful to attract others who are good-looking and successful. If you feel like crap, you're automatically demoted a few links on the food chain, and your prospects diminish accordingly.

So when you're faced with a temporary slump, aside from riding out the storm by hiding out like Quasimodo, chained to the television with a crate of pork rinds, what can you do?
You can fake it. Fake it until you make it.

Am I suggesting you go around pretending to be Lithuanian royalty, or an NFL kicker? No. (Even though nobody ever remembers their names, and they are quite petite, as professional athletes go…) And, I'm not suggesting you fake being richer or better educated or better connected than you really are. Frankly, it's a bad idea to pretend to be something you're not. But there's nothing wrong with pretending to be yourself. At least until your normal self gets back. As any publicist or PR pro will tell you: it's all about the spin.

The key to faking it is to live the life you want until it's the life you have. All you need is a little adjustment in perspective. The key to feeling like your old self (or, your new self, if you're trying to move up) is to live the life you want, be the person you want to be, and let the details follow.

Think of your overall attractiveness like a credit score. Losing a job, getting dumped, or even losing one eyebrow in a freak depilatory accident is like making your car payment a few weeks late. It's not the ideal situation, but frankly, when you average out the numbers it hardly makes a dent.

Your life isn't just the sum of your accomplishments, it is also the impact you make on your friends, family and the world. A slump is not a life sentence, it's a slump. And it wouldn't be a slump if there wasn't a way back up.

When it comes to flirting, you can get your point across very easily just using your eyes. Take a moment and watch people who are in love. See how they look at each other - they stare directly into each other's eyes for extended periods of time. Look at mere friends. See their eyes? They seem to flit back and forth, making eye contact, but never extended eye contact.

What do I mean by extended eye contact? Holding someone's gaze for 1-2 seconds. Looking deep into their eyes for that time. I realize that couples may look at each other in this way for longer periods of time, but remember they are ALLOWED to do this - they are a couple. For our purposes, you are just flirting.

If you were to try and stare into some girl's eyes for long periods of time (especially if you don't know her), she will think that you're staring at her and she'll think that you're strange (because you're making her feel uncomfortable).

The goal here is to make eye contact with her, and to hold her attention by looking straight into her eyes for a couple of seconds so that she gets the idea that you're interested in her.

Be sure to smile, or to at least have a partial smile on your face as you do this. If you stare at her like this with a stone face, you'll freak her out. She'll either think that you're mad at her, or that you're just some type of psycho (both are bad).

If she seems to quickly look away, she is either playing hard to get, or she doesn't have an interest in you. Either way, if you feel that she's worth the effort, you will probably have to persue some decent conversation with her.