Tips

If you believe Beyonce, girls run the world. But if you’ve spent any time using an online dating service, you may have noticed a different story.

Despite the continuously decreasing stigma around online dating and the increasingly loud conversation about feminism, women on OkCupid remain surprisingly traditional in one key way. Data published recently by the site found that its female users, regardless of sexual orientation, do not initiate contact. Straight women are 3.5x less likely to send the first message than straight men.

Naturally, being the inquisitive types, the folks over at OkCupid had a question: why are ladies — in particular, straight women — less likely to spark a conversation?

According to a post on The Deep End, the successor to the OkTrends blog, the initial hypothesis was that women are more passive because they can afford to be. Their inboxes are already flooded with messages, so why bother initiating conversations with anyone else?

The team compared messages sent vs. messages received for straight male users and straight female users and found that, contrary to their hypothesis, the number of messages received does not affect how many messages they send. Even if a woman receives no messages, she’s not likely to send any of her own. Men, on the other hand, initiate no matter what and do increase the messages they send when they receive more.

The next step was to test by age. Perhaps older woman act more assertively because they’re more confident and more particular about what they want. Again, the hypothesis proved incorrect. Regardless of age, the outboxes of female users remain empty.

So OkCupid turned to the next logical factor: attractiveness. Women with a higher attractiveness rank on the site may feel like they don’t need to reach out first because they’re used to getting attention. Yet again, the team was stumped. The most attractive men send the most messages, but the same pattern does not appear amongst female users.

What OkCupid did finally find was one striking habit: online daters tend to reach out to people who are more attractive than they are. More specifically, men reach out to women 17 percentile points more attractive, and women contact men who are 10 percentile points more attractive. That means that if women do nothing, they’ll be inundated with offers from less attractive men.

A small adjustment has a dramatic effect. If a woman sends the first message, everything changes in her favor. Men tend to respond frequently. Women on OkCupid are 2.5x more likely to receive a response if they initiate. “If you’re a woman who sends the first message,” concludes the report, “not only are you more likely to get more responses in general, but you’ll be having conversations with more attractive guys.”

The message is loud and clear, ladies: stop waiting to be approached. Read our review of OkCupid for more information on this dating site and app.

Could one word really be hurting your online dating game? Could one word make it better?

Dating app Hinge looked at 5,000 users who exchanged contact information within 24 hours of matching to determine which opening lines are most likely to get dates (and which will get you ghosted).

Using a text analysis model, they identified common phrases and words in the conversations they examined. So which words were winners and which words were losers?

The biggest flop was the word 'sorry.' Hinge users who included 'sorry' in an initial communication were a whopping 56% less likely to get a person's number. Next time you feel tempted to apologize for not responding sooner, take the “sorry not sorry” approach (just don't actually write it). You were busy and that's a good thing. Besides, not explaining yourself creates a teeny bit of intriguing mystery your date may be eager to solve.

Hinge's research also found that being vague and “wishy-washy” is a turn-off for potential dates. People who suggested dates in ambiguous timeframes like “this weekend” and “next week” were 40% less likely to score someone's digits. The more specific you can be, the better. After all, you matched with them so you must be interested in them – make it clear by arranging concrete plans, or answering with a simple yes or no.

At the other end of the spectrum, laughter proved to be irresistable. Hinge found that conversations that used words associated with laughing – like 'haha' and the ever-present 'lol' – had a 17% higher chance of ending in an exchange of phone numbers. It's not hard to believe when you consider how many people say a sense of humor is one of the most important traits in a partner. And what would flirting be without a little witty banter?

Unsurprisingly, compliments also had a positive effect on conversations, but one type of compliment in particular stood out. When a Hinge user told another user that they have a cool name, it increased the likelihood of getting their digits by 12.5%. Destiny's Child had it right: say my name, say my name (especially if it's to talk about how awesome it is).

Of course, no amount of dating advice or studies can guarantee a a phone number (much less a date), but they can help you avoid some basic mistakes. For more information on the dating app which brought us this study you can read our review of Hinge.

It's the busiest time of year for online dating. The stretch between Christmas and Valentine's Day is peak season for tech savvy singles. Some are scoring big while others are striking out.

With any luck, you're in the first category. Your date card is so full it's practically become a full-time job. Things are looking up for 2016.

Or maybe not. Maybe you're in the second category, sending message after message into the ether and getting nothing back. That's no way to begin a new year. Fortunately, the folks at Zoosk have compiled some simple suggestions for changing your luck in their "7-Step Guide to Landing a Date."

Here are the highlights:

1. Suggest a date activity if you're really into the person. A recent survey of 3000 Zoosk members revealed that suggesting a movie date increases the response rate to your messages by 91 percent. Other compelling keywords include the beach (59 percent) and a park (39 percent).
2. Send messages in the morning if you're a man and in the evening if you're a woman. Men increase their chance of a response by 10 percent if they send messages between 9 am and 10 am. Women, on the other hand, are nocturnal creatures. Their messages are best sent between 10 pm and 11 pm.
3. Reply within 24 hours. The internet isn't exactly known for its patience. Of those surveyed by Zoosk, 94 percent said they expect a response within 24 hours. Playing too hard to get can easily backfire when more options are only a swipe away.
4. Highlight your individuality. What makes you unique? Your special characteristics are what separate you from the vast sea of singles online. Embrace your glasses, flaunt your tattoos. Just stay away from overtly sexual messages, which Zooskers give a digital thumbs down.
5. Watch the character count. Men aren't picky when it comes to message length, but women expect more effort. Forty percent of the female users Zoosk surveyed said they prefer messages that are longer than the 140 characters of a tweet.
6. Expect to send multiple messages. Establishing rapport online takes more than a single sitting. Around half of singles polled said they exchange five messages before meeting a new suitor in person.

What's step 7, you ask? Start adding dates to your calendar.

Follow Zook's seven rules and you'll set yourself for a 2016 that's brimming with romantic possibilities.

You'd think we'd all be experts at choosing photos by now. We need them for Facebook, for Twitter, for Instagram, for Snapchat, for LinkedIn... even our Gmail accounts can display an image. So why do we still find it so difficult to select photos that are accurate, flattering and appropriate?

The pressure is even stronger on a dating service. You're desperate to find the photo that says “I'm fun, laidback, ambitious, adventurous, funny, friendly, good with pets and parents, and – duh – attractive as hell.” It's enough to make any head spin.

It's time to end your era of inadequate photos. If you have any of these images on your profile, delete them ASAP.

1. The bathroom mirror selfie. Let's start with the obvious. It's 2016, so selfies are standard – but that's no excuse for taking one with a toilet in the background. Ideally, you don't need a mirror at all. Step up your selfie game and use the front-facing camera. If you just can't resist the allure of a mirror shot, use one somewhere else in the house. No one needs to see how often you scrub your shower.
2. The behind the times photo. Once you had hair like Fabio. Now you're Bruce Willis bald. Who cares? There's no shame in embracing your current self in all its glorious imperfections. What is shameful is pretending you're someone you aren't anymore to get more dates. It will be obvious immediately when you meet in person. Save yourself the embarrassment and your date the irritation by posting current pictures.
3. The heavily filtered 'gram. See above. Do you want to be greeted by a look of disappointment on your date's face when they realize you look nothing like your photos? It's the era of Instagram, so you're bound to run into filtered photos on dating services, but don't edit your face until you look like a completely different person (or, worse, an alien).
4. The group shot. Um... so which one are you? Today's singles are impatient and it only takes a second to swipe left on your profile. Don't make prospective dates play a game of Where's Waldo? with your photos. Even if you include a caption identifying yourself, there's only so much someone can see when you're just one figure amongst many. Your dates want to know what you actually look like.
5. The cropped out ex. Yikes. Did every single picture of you get deleted except that one? Because that's the only excuse for using it. Sure, your ex is out of the picture (literally), but isn't it still kind of weird that that's the photo you chose for your dating profile? A cropped or blurred out ex just looks odd. And for that matter, don't leave the ex in, either.

What's the worst photo you've seen on a dating profile? Share your best snap mishaps in the comments.

The New Year is here – and the majority of us seem motivated to make positive changes in our lives. In addition to healthy diets and exercise regimens, many people have also vowed to make changes to find love this year – whether it’s making more time to date, committing to finding a relationship, or even making an attitude adjustment.

So what has been holding you back from pursuing a long-term relationship? Do you find yourself getting frustrated from the online dating process? Do you feel that relationships don’t ever work out for you? Or are you just not meeting the right person?

With dating, we have to get clear about what we want before we can expect a relationship. And that means looking at our online dating profiles and making some changes. After all, it’s your marketing tool – your first introduction to potential dates and your chance to make a good first impression. So why not spend some time on it, so you can attract the kind of person you’d like to meet?

Following are some simple profile changes to make to get 2016 started on the right foot:

Change your photos. This is an easy and effective way to spruce things up in 2016. Look for photos that show your whole body as well as a headshot. Include shots of you doing yoga, surfing, hiking, playing guitar, or whatever else you like to do. People look through photos before reading profiles, so try to tell a story through yours.

Reconsider your handle. People do make snap judgments about handles. If you have a sexually suggestive one, get another – it’s a big turn-off for women. Or if it’s too generic, like John1987, opt instead for one that includes a hobby or favorite song, for instance. Get creative.

Pick a topic and get specific. Instead of including a laundry list of likes and dislikes in your description, try naming a specific thing and telling a story. For instance, if you like to travel, instead of just listing where you’ve been, think of a favorite trip and describe what it was like, or tell a funny story of something that happened to you. The goal is to get potential dates to message you, ask a question, start a conversation.

No generic phrases. Liking to “Netflix and chill” is not a good way to attract a potential relationship – nor is the fact that you are “looking for a partner in crime” or that you “love to laugh.” Doesn’t everyone love to laugh? What tells a story about you is what makes you laugh. Do you like comedy shows, or telling bad jokes, or is there a favorite Instagram feed that makes you giggle? Show that you have interests, where you like to go on the weekends, or the fact that waking up to Rihanna's music helps get you through the work day. Potential dates know that anyone can sit on the couch and watch TV, but they really want to know who you are and what sets you apart. Think of it this way: write phrases that can start conversations.

Everyone is caught up in the “new year, new you” excitement of January, so now is the perfect time to make positive changes for 2016.

For some people, that means eating healthy and going to the gym. For others, that means spending more time with family, picking up a new hobby, or finally asking for that raise. For you, it means dropping your bad dating habits for a more romance-filled 2016.

As you navigate the dating scene, you're bound to make mistakes along the way. Here are some of the biggest blunders that could be keeping you single:

1. Only looking in one place. If you've refused to try online dating, make 2016 the year you step out of your comfort zone. If you exclusively use online dating, get back to basics and experiment with traditional dating this year.
2. Cutting corners. Some dating services keep profiles minimal in favor of photos (ahem, Tinder), but if you're looking for more than a low-key hookup, the profile is important. Don't leave any sections blank, don't be vague, and don't rely on cliches to describe yourself. The profile is a vital part of finding a like-minded, compatible date.
3. Succumbing to FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out is a real phenomenon, and it's particularly destructive for online daters. With so many possible partners at your finger tips, it's easy to feel like your options are infinite. It's time for a reality check: if you're always waiting for something better to come along, you'll miss the good things right in front of you.
4. Doing too much. Learn to let go. If you don't get a response to your message, don't flood their inbox with 10 more messages (especially if those messages are berating them for not answering the first one). If they're busy but interested, they'll reply when they can. If they're just not into you, move on gracefully with your dignity intact.
5. Doing too little. Underwhelming can be just as damaging as overwhelming. A one-word message is never a good conversation starter. It's 2016, we shouldn't have to keep saying that.
6. Expecting immediate chemistry. There's nothing like that instant spark of attraction. Thanks to Disney movies and romance novels, we've come to expect it. In reality, instant attraction is not a reliable indicator of long-term compatibility (in fact, it can literally mess with your brain chemistry and judgment). Be open to the possibility of chemistry developing over time, or you might miss out on someone amazing.
7. Taking everything personally. It's hard not to take it personally when people are saying yea or nay to your profile, but you'll be a happier dater if you learn to let it go. Everyone isn't your cup of tea, you are not everyone's cup of tea, and that's a good thing. If someone isn't interested in you, all it means is that they're not interested in you. It doesn't mean you're undateable or unlovable. And remember, every “no” gets you closer to the “yes” you're looking for.

What other dating habits do you need to break in 2016?