Online Dating & Relationships Forums

Legit BDSM or fetish dating sites?

Page navigation

Status: offline


Forum User
Registered: 2018/04/05
Posts: 1
This is my brief review of fetlife.

I have been subjected to criminal fraud there, taken advantage of by so many predators, and even the people who claim they are there to try and prevent these things are complete utter liars.

The number of times i've said no to people trying to come onto me, for them to just not accept no as an answer and continue trying, only for me to later find out that these people had very ill intentions and only wished to use me as a fetish vending machine.
I have lost count of the number of times my consent has been violated on fetlife.
And it's not even just sexual consent.
I've had Pictures AND VIDEO being posted of myself without my permission, and without ever having been asked first.

For the rest of my life, i will never trust another dominant, be they a master OR mistress, because i know better, that they're just abusive manipulators and predators.

Avoid fetlife like the plague!
It is not a good place, and they only wish to do you harm for their selfish greedy reasons.

Status: offline


Forum User
Registered: 2018/04/05
Posts: 1
I will comment on, as well as

Both are free, and while I have 9 years of experience on both, and do a lot of free volunteer work with “Groups” on Fetlife, I do not get paid ANYTHING by anyone at either site, either for my efforts, or my opinions here.

While some bash, (many people have had SERIOUS bad luck, upsetting connections, on almost any/every website) I can suggest, from 9 years of my experience, that it has a much higher usage satisfaction than most other sites.. And while it is true that you cannot do a lot of detailed person “searches”, you can learn a lot about activities in your area, since there are search functions for Events In My Area. There are also search functions for specific kink subject groups, AND, there are search functions for every one who is listing a certain fetish in their Fetish list ! But that search is world wide, and you cannot break it down to states, or cities. However you can do searches for Cities, and get, for instance, a LIST of the personal profiles of "13,580 kinksters" in Tucson Arizona, USA (as of today, 4/5/2018).

I joined Fetlife around March of 2009, and I think that was maybe about a year or so after Fetlife was created, by its owner in Toronto Canada.

I also joined, later renamed, (CS) in March of 2009, and have worked it almost daily since then. And I can say that CS is very poor technically, often freezes up, was almost non functional a few months ago, the chat function apparently does not work for a lot of people, who have different type connections.

But it does have very detailed structure of search filters, on all kind of parameters, better than any other site I know of, and it is FREE.

The percent of travel money scammers is very high on CS, but, be smart, and you can begin to spot them very rapidly. My best shield against them, is I ask in my first reply to an ad,, “Are you able financially to get yourself to me in Tucson Arizona, if you decide you want to come here”

Fetlife does have some classified ads groups. Many of those are local to metro areas, some are very widely defined, across the globe. Many are not very well monitored, and allow any perspective, kink, or sexual orientation to post ads in their groups.
A few are very highly controlled and limit ads to only one orientation, interest, or as to what they are seeking. Here is an example of one “twin pair” of those, which I happen to be the Group Owner for. These are a brother/sister group pair, one for straight male doms and one for submissive females.
Classified! female sub Types Seeking Male Dom Types
Classified! Male Dom Types Seeking female sub Types

I happen to have inherited this pair of twin groups, from its original owner, who died. This pair of groups was started by him, on May 22, 2010, and I began helping him soon after that. His widow ran it for a while after he died, but soon asked me to take it/then over, as she had a number of other groups she worked on.

There are very strict rules in the two groups. Fetlife has some good basic rule in their TOS, (or Terms Of Service), but the owner of any group(s) can establish more stringent rules, and can ban users from using his groups if they do not abide. I do that frequently, without warning, because to join any Fetlife group, you have to scroll right down past all the posted rules to get to the “Join This Group” button. So, consider it an intelligence test to join the group; ignore the rules, you get banned... Most of the girls would prefer someone smart enough to figure that out.

Women can specify what their ranges of interest are, such as distance, age range, other parameters, and if males reply to their ad when the male is outside those ranges, then these replies are specifically defined as SPAM in these my group’s rules.

Women are strictly and highly protected in these two groups; if complaints occur due to actions of males, more often than not, the males are banned from both groups. Note that males have to join the female groups to post any replies to an ad, and they have to join the male group to post a male ad. Same is true, vice-versa, for females. So this provides strict control over access to these twin groups by the Group Owner (me).

The two twin groups now have a total of over 18,000 members combined, (12,686 in the female group, and 5, 547 in the male group, as of today, 4/5/2018.

I also have several other groups in Fetlife which I own. I started another male female pair of groups, specific to Monogamous Relationships.
Classified! Monogamy Female Personals
Classified! Monogamy Male Personals

Here is a list of all the Groups, which I *own, under my profile name of “TortureCrucifyWhip”. Of course another option is to set up your own personal website, such as mine, which is (Google search for) "". Many of these Fetlife groups that I own, were abandoned by their group owners, and I picked them up rather than see them die off, so some are not very active or highly popular.

Groups I lead/own on
*A BDSM "Who's Who"
*Arizona Dominants and Submissives
*Classified! female sub Types Seeking Male Dom Types
*Classified! Male Dom Types Seeking female sub Types
*Classified! Monogamy Female Personals
*Classified! Monogamy Male Personals
*FetListAZ (Things for sale, rooms for rent, etc.)
*Mentoring, Teaching, on a group basis (schools, classes, etc.)
*Older Master/younger slave
*Partner Searching - get help, support and advice as you search
*Relyfe (hypnosis programming)
*Tucson (& AZ) BDSM Female Classified, Only for females who are Bottoms, Subs or Slaves.
*Tucson (& AZ) BDSM Male Classified, Only for males who are Tops, Doms and Masters.
*Tucson Poly/Kinky Events
*Tucson Polygamy, Polyfidelity, Plural Marriage
*Tucson Taboo
*Yahoo Poly Tucson Discussion Group



Quote by: Anonymous

Quote by: Anonymous

HI and are two BDSM dating sites. I've met lots of guys here (I'm female) and found them great sites. try them. Cheers

Sorry, this sounds like a fake review.

Adult Friend Finder (AFF) owns and both are full of fake profiles.

If you sign up for the free version your mailbox quickly gets messages from people who cannot have contact with unless you pay.

Once you pay, none of those people actually reply to any effort you make to contact them. Most of them are young and good looking. In other words, 100% fake plants that the site employs to make people believe it is an active and successful site.

Worst of all, claims to be a BDSM site, and yet if you are a submissive looking for a dominant the majority of people they "match" you to are also submissives who are looking for dominant partners. If you are dominant, you are matched to other dominants and there is no way to change this. The orientation is not even an option when filling out what you are looking for, beyond Gay, Straight, Bi.

Do your research, tons of reviews show that and AFF are scams.

The biggest shame as bought and closed it down. It had the largest chatroom community.

Many other sites follow this model, like Femdom Dating, which also fills your mailbox with messages trying to get you to pay so you can read them. And all of them are from hot young women, by their photo, looking for a slave to worshi8p them, although they live thousands of miles from you, are young enough to be your daughter, and won't reply to your messages, since they do not really exist.

As for legit sites, is new and has potential. It is primarily younger people however. So if you are much over 30 you may not generate much interest. Church of Chains uses the same interface, but I do not know if they are at all related. 35 and under almost exclusively. is mainly a photo site, like a tumblr blog. It too is mainly younger people, but many appear to be real and there is a large number with dating profiles. It is international, mainly Dom Male and sub females but there are the opposite orientations too.


Fetlife is clearly the best option. But as someone pointed out, no one messages you. This is not a personal ad site, it is a community. The majority of the people there already have someone and are not "looking for love."

There are a zillion more males than females on all these sites, frankly. And if you are a submissive male there are 10 zillion for every eligible female. So you have work cut out for you if you expect to be noticed at all.

But if you are a dominant male looking for more than playing in the semi-public scene with women who are already attached but allowed to "play," you are also facing extreme odds.

Most of the single submissive females on Fetlife who are not under 25 range from extremely overweight to obese. I realize that is now the status quo in American society, but it is simply a fact that height and weight proportional people on Fetlife, who are single and looking for someone, are perhaps THE smallest population, um so to speak.


Unlike Fetlife, Collarspace is really all about hooking up, finding significant others, or additions to one's collection of subs, ployhousholds etc. The community aspect on the forums and chatrooms are but a sideline.

This is smaller than Fetlife, and yes it is full of pro dommes. But there are also lifestyle dommes.

On the whole it is mainly leather oriented, Master/slave stuff. But occasionally there are more domestic FLR and spanko types.

Collarpace has a percentage of fake "findommes" i.e. young girls who are under the delusion men will throw money at them for no reason whatsoever. And some older women who are under the same delusion.

It is pretty easy to tell the real people from the wishful thinking prostitutes.

Dominant men dominant the population. So do not expect a submissive woman to reply to even the most appropriate and polite message. They get far too many messages to be able to read all of them. But if you make an effort to search for newest members often you may get a foot in door before they are swamped with replies.

They do have chatrooms, but regardless of your BDSM orientation you have to be up for hours of small talk about the weather if you hope to be accepted and possibly get to know someone.


ipunishment is a free spanking-oriented community. It runs like Facebook. While it does have people seeking others, it is not the main objective and there is no way to search for new members or search by dominant or submissive orientation. So when you browse members, you see all the women in alphabetical order and no indication of who joined when, who is currently active, etc.


This is Dominant Female - submissive male ONLY. But they do a good job keeping the findomme fakes out and also the pervy subs who are just on there for cheap thrills.

If you are near an urban center you may have more luck through the personals of Craigslist.

I kid you not but I am on fetlife and I promise you I'm 25 and def not obese or have a very large figure


What about


What about

I just tried to sign up, my email address is not acceptable.

This means it is the same site I already belong to, just with a different name.

This is a major issue - ALMOST ALL of the kink or femdom or bdsm related dating sites do this. The owners have several sites with different names and addresses that use the exact same database with the exact same profiles, and they leave profiles on for years whose owners have abandoned long ago, and say the person hasn't been there in two weeks or a few weeks, when they haven't been there for four years.

So depressing.

As to the woman who responded about being on Fet, 25, and not obese. I did not say ALL single women on Fet are overweight, just a majority. And the farther one gets from 25, like into the 40s and 50s it is almost everyone.


I'd love to know what kind of drugs you guys are taking.


Collarspace? They send you to to signup. Then the info you give doesn't work for Collarspace.


Is that the same if one is a switch?

Quote by: Anonymous

The kink scene is not like "vanilla" dating. There are not huge numbers of people and it is a long process to find the right people.

Definitely join both fetlife and collarme but keep expectations in check.

Collarme has relatively few women and a majority of those are pro dommes. It is worth being on there, though, and it is free.

Fetlife is a must. Everyone who is serious about kink is on it. It really is the facebook of the kink world. It does not have a search function that works for dating. However, you can join groups with a local focus and groups focused on kinks that interest you. You will find out about local events and regional/national events. If you post in the forums on fetlife it gives you the chance to engage intellectually with people, which can lead to meetings.

However, most kinky people have to get out to events. Look for local events. There are also some big kink events that are great if you can afford to travel. Some I can recommend are those run by Dark Odyssey and Frolicon.

if you are a submissive male, your first experiences will almost certainly be with professionals. There are few dominant women and many submissive men and the odds are incredibly against you. If you are hot, you may get some free play at parties and events. If you are not hot but personable, networking within the community can eventually get you play. Starting with pros can gain you credibility; most dommes don't want to waste time on total newbies. But a male submissive has to network relentlessly to get free play and/or find a relationship.Also work on your career. To be completely honest, dommes are spoled and a male submissive with little money has little chance with them.

If you are a dominant the odds are less daunting, though still against you. Go to events to learn techniques and develop a reputation in the community as a safe player and a decent guy. (Dominant does not = asshole.) Once you build that reputation the women will come to you.



Fetlife has kept me busy for some time. No, it's not a dating site but there are ISO groups you can put ads on and connect.


I advise! very respectful community and lot of good profile! I started to chat and I have to stay with one girl to try new fetish interest... Wink
I recommended it for any kinkster and bdsm people who are looking for interesting profile and website! Smile
Have a good day

Page navigation

All times are EST. The time is now 10:16 pm.

  • Normal Topic
  • Sticky Topic
  • Locked Topic
  • New Post
  • Sticky Topic W/ New Post
  • Locked Topic W/ New Post
  •  View Anonymous Posts
  •  Able to post
  •  HTML Allowed
  •  Censored Content