Online Dating & Relationships Forums

How to fix the mess.


After wasting 20 years of my life, hundreds of dollars, and hours and hours of thinking, I'm still staying at home on the weekends (no bars or churches for me, thank you). But, that doesn't mean I haven't done a lot of observing through the years, and I've learned a lot about why a lot of us are still single.

First a history lesson... mail order brides and matchmakers have been around for at least a hundred years, but back then, nobody thought to turn them into "cash mills". Then with big newspapers and magazines, we had the personals.

In the early Sixties, the first computer matchup dating services appeared (Selectra Date was one of these)... they hung on until the Internet age, when they finally withered away to nothing. Sometime during those years, someone with a psychology degree was figuring out they could start a dating service and fleece lonely people out of big bucks.

The early Eighties brought not only the camcorder, but the first video dating services. Great Expectations, which as many of us know is the poster child for ripoffs and bad service, jumped on the bandwagon, and has continued to be a ripoff mill since then.

The Internet years brought online dating and speed dating, and judging from what I've been learning lately, things have reached a saturation point, where more of us singles are just giving up and saying the heck with it, looks like we're stuck being alone. This is just as much our own fault for abusing the system, as it is the fault of crooks who run dishonest dating services that post fake profiles.

Now that you read the history of the problem... here's my suggestion for how to fix it. Start a webring by singles and for singles, based on zip codes. Dating services would not be allowed on the webring. Each single who wants to join the webring would have to submit a photo and write a profile describing themselves, and what they're looking for in a partner. If one is lousy at writing a profile, one of the webring's mods would help them. Fake profiles and poseurs would be easy to spot and remove from the webring. The webring would grow and attract so many singles that the dating services would be laughed out of business.

If we singles could get together and do this, then I really think a lot fewer of us would stay home alone on the weekends, and a lot fewer of us would get ripped off by dating services. I think a lot of us besides me have the same idea of how to fix the problem, but either we're too lazy or too embarrassed to try to tackle it. But until we decide to get together and start that webring (and take good care of it once we have it), I guess most of us will just be happy to sit at home on the weekends or let dating services keep ripping us off. I'm not pointing a finger and trying to be abusive, I'm just telling it like it is from 20 years of having seen what works and what doesn't. The only way to fix the dating mess is by singles and for singles. :-)


I tried Selectra date back in the early 80's. It was a joke. There were so many men enrolled, and so few women, the computer could only make opposite sex matches. It was impossible for the computer to find a female that had anything in common with the name she was matched with.

In fact, once a male received his three matches, he had to persuade the female to have a date with him, since she was deluged with matches from the computer.

Calling numbers at random out of the phone directory would have worked better.

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