Hello all!

I've been dating a girl awhile now and am struggling with some jealousy issues. Problem is, I don't know if I'm being needlessly jealous or if she's being too flirty with other guys.

I know she's naturally a very outgoing woman who can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She's pretty touchy-feely with men but she's like this with everyone, even men who are older or who don't threaten me in the slightest, so at first I chalked it up to just her personality.

There have been a few examples that made me worry, but the real one came this past weekend. She invited me to a Halloween party that her coworker was hosting. She'd bought a really sexy outfit, so in the back of my head I was already anticipating having some sort of jealousy issue at the party. When we got there, I hung out by her side for awhile but didn't want to be too clingy, so I mingled with several different groups throughout the evening. I'd come in to check on her a few times but overall I pretty much left her alone for the night. She came outside where I was chatting with a group of people a few times, but she never came over to me to talk or anything. By the time the party was winding down, I went back inside to see her playing pool with a few of the single guys there, and when I came up to her she immediately turned and said something to me about how one of these guys had been hitting on her and her "boyfriend" wasn't even around. She said this in front of the guy in question, so obviously I was at a loss of words. She gave me the silent treatment the entire way back to her place, and the moment we walked in the door she told me she didn't think we'd work out.

According to her, she was upset because she felt like I just "dropped her off" at the party and ignored her all night, and that she wanted a boyfriend who was more affectionate/attentive to her. Now to be fair, I have kept her at a safe distance, meaning the relationship is still new and honestly I didn't want to be that clingy guy who is too affectionate. So I understood her point but was still in shock over this. After all, she brought me to the party, not the other way around, and I know I'm the man in the relationship but I thought it was pretty unfair to be mad at me for not being around her more when she never once came to find me or see how I was doing. Also, at one point a girl came outside and said something about my date being a slut. I don't know if it was because of the outfit or if she was flirting with the guys inside or if the girl who said this was just being really catty, but needless to say it didn't make me feel any better.

Anyway, we ended up talking it out--she said she just realized when other guys were hitting on her that the guy she was with and should have been flirting with her was nowhere around. I know at a gut level that she's pretty into me, and I got the feeling the whole calling things off was more about asserting what she wanted and also to see how I'd respond. In the end I told her I did want more with her and I understood where she was coming from, but now that I've had some time to think about it, I'm not so sure.

What do you all think? Am I just being insecure/jealous? Do I simply need to "man up"?

Well, if you guys are still together, honestly she sounds like drama and way into mind games. The better bet is to find someone (or stay with her if u believe this to be true) with whom u can communicate. The question isn't am I too this, is she too flirty, etc.. No one is too anything, everyone is just themselves. What matters is how u feel with that person and how they lovingly adapt their behavior to make you feel good. If u say, okay, next party if u get hit on and don't like it, come find me and we'll hang out, or I'll pay more attention to you, etc... Then next party see how that feels for both peeps and retalk it out. It always takes a while to merge two personalities, so expect a few months at least for that if not more. good luck! btw, my boyfriend said I was way too flirty and he is jealous, so I don't flirt as much, and he is trying to not be jealous, and we have never fought about it, we just talk it through each situation as it happens and try to work it out positively.

Wow! Sounds like drama to me! As has already been stated in this thread, mingling two different personalities is never easy, but, in my personal opinion, your girl sounds like the kind of woman I try to avoid....a woman who thinks she is all on-the-ball, hot, and assertive, yet is really just a clingy little *censored* deep down inside who wants you to cling to her like Saran wrap. I had a g/f like this once and I dumped her cold after one too many stunts very similar to the situation you described in your story....again, this is just me and my individual tastes and preferences in women....I am also unhappily single and sick and tired of beating off to the same old 15 second porno clips day after day, so go figure! Take everyone's advice with a grain of salt and trust your own logic (not intuition - which is a load of crap and has failed me my entire life - trust your intelligence and logic.....play out different life scenarios in your head with your girl and see how they end up, taking all factors into consideration). For as cliched as it is, the truth really is: there are no rules in love and war.