So far I've e-mailed 18 women, with only one writting back. How are other guys fairing?

Probably not many more than men who actually respond to emails they receive!

Oh, unless you want to count the ones which out of the box want to know the balance in your investment accounts.

As a woman who has tried these sites on a couple of ocassions, I have a suggestion for you: You should be sure to put your email address in your message since many people on these various sites are freeloading -- just browsing, but not interested in paying. I reply to everyone who gives me a way to reply to them away from the service.

Another suggestion: have a woman-friend read your profile and a sample one of your notes. You may have inadvertantly included a tone that turns women off -- sounding needy or clingy, for example.

Finally: send a note that says something more than "Hey, I liked your profile. Write me back." Blah... those are boring and a dime-a-dozen. Be interesting and start a conversation. Also, make an effort to check your spelling and your grammar. We can overlook typos, but if there are a lot of them, it makes you look like you're either stupid or you don't really care about what kind of impression your making.

Be aware though that some women have criteria that doesn't show up in a profile questionaire... for example, I will not reply to 40+year-old divorced guys with kids (I am not interested in that kind of baggage) and I don't reply to guys who don't have college degrees (I'm not a snob, but I'm working on a graduate degree and a lot of guys are intimidated by that and feel like they have to compete with me on many levels... ick)
Good luck!

camiolo,

I've averaged about 30 percent replies over the last couple of years to e-mails I have sent myself.

supergirl had some good comments to make. (They may or not apply to you.)

My approach to online dating is to e-mail one person at a time, then wait for a while to see what happens. I also choose who I send e-mails to carefully...I make sure they're a good match for me and that they had something interesting to say in their profile. I also make sure I fit their criteria. I like to think it helps.

For what it's worth, I always respond to e-mails and winks I receive. It's sort of a Golden Rule thang, plus I prefer closure.

A couple of questions come to mind. Did you send those 18 e-mails in a short period of time, like 18 in a week? And have you waited some time for them to respond? Another thing to consider is whether those persons have even logged-in since you sent the e-mails. One of the things I like about sites like Yahoo, Match.com and uDate is that they display how long it has been since the last login. There's no sense in sending an e-mail to someone who hasn't been on the site in a month. (Not sure if this may apply to you, just trying to cover all the bases in an e-mail reply.)

Bill N.

Through about 5 months of being a member of Yahoo, I had about 30 ads that I responded to. I got 1 reply.
I did what Supergirl suggested. Didn't just write "Hi, I like your profile". I wrote something about me, why I liked their profile, asked something about them.

I thought it was just me... until a study came out a few months ago. It did a study on the 80 largest cities in the US, and the dating potential. The city that I am currently living in ranked 79th. The city that I am from (200 miles away) ranked 80th.

If you want to know, Austin and Colorado Springs rated 1 & 2.

Supergirl, I have to address something you said though. You stated that you would not date someone without a degree. I am sorry that you are missing out on some potentially great prospects out there. I do not have a degree, but am qualified for Mensa. While serving in the Marines, I was selected for Military Intelligence, Presidential Escort (yes, the ones that hang out with the president, which happened to be Reagan at the time), as well as a college scholarship. I had my reasons for not taking any of them.
I just want to point out that someone doesn't have to have a college degree to be smart. Einstein didn't even have a high school degree. And Marilyn Vos Savant probably doesn't have a college degree.
I am not going to tell you how to search for dates, as you have your reasons. But don't exclude someone for that reason only.

Bohica: 38 year old father of 2 girls (yes, I have custody), excellent job, 2200+ sqft house. No credit cards. Not a whole lot of baggage here.

Well having a degree usually isn't as much about how smart you are its more about shared experienes values etc...

Anyway I wouldn't fret about the lack of replies, my friends that are women who paricipated cited a plethora of emails and simply no time to reply to all so they instead tried to weed through the ones they liked. Even spending the extra time to write something personal interested etc. is no guarantee - suppose it is like anything else - a numbers game - on the bright side eventually you get responses - I averaged about 30% (maybe) course I wasn't in Austin or Colorado Springs - dang midwest!

One other thing to also remember. When you send out an email never use a "form" letter, something you cut and paste and send to everyone. I myself made that mistake at one time. Always take the time to write a new letter to each person. Its also good if you include something from her profile that you two have in common. For example "I noticed in your profile that you like Thai food, I love thai. There's a great little Thai place at (insert description here) that you should try. Just make sure your just mentioning something you two have in common without asking her out in the very first email.

If you do this it'll show you took the time to get to know her and you care. Most men just look at pictures, think "damn she's hot" and email away without evening reading to see if they are compatible or not.

I noticed that once I started this I got alot more responses to my emails. From 15% to probably 45~55%. Of course it also forced me to read through every bit of someone's profile and find ladies I matched up with pretty well. Like supergirl, their education level, marital/kid status, and location became things I definitely looked for.

Overall you just need to stand out and be something more than the usual "Hey wanna chat? Email me." droll lines that most people use. Even ladies use these boring lines too.

As for me it worked out and I've been dating someone I met on Match.com for 6 months now. Good luck, you'll find someone.

I weed out the ones that use poor grammar. Or write with the CAPS lock on.

I don't mind a spelling mistake here or there. But when they have one run-on sentence, ugh.

That's funny that you mentioned Thai food Lion Heart. I love the stuff!!

I started 'dating sites' when it was an ad in the local paper or weekly 'alternative' entertainment paper. Eh, way back then you young whippersnappers (did people ever talk like that for real?!!) ya had to actually take pen to paper and go down to PhotoMat and get a reprint of a good picture done, so you could mail it to the mailbox number. As a male, I have written some pretty good letters over the years, then came the Internet, which made things a whole lot easier. In short, (probably too late for that) I've gotten responses anywhere from 10% to 45%. I've met many women with ads, and most are swamped with responses. (...she said "oh, not that many...only about 100 responses" - unquote). So most sort by 'wow'; 'ok'; and 'never ever'. You never know which pile you'll end up in. My advice is be patient (figure after 2-3 weeks there is NO chance) but keep looking in the meantime.

I've only been trying the online dating farce for a couple of months now, so I'm far from an expert, but here's my 2 cents. I decided to try Yahoo personals after meeting my cousin's fiancee, whom she met through Yahoo. He's intelligent, refined and an over-all great guy. I was quite impressed and thought I'd try my luck. It was later that she confessed that she kissed a number of frogs prior to finding Prince Charming.

As to why women don't write back, well, I can't speak for all women, only myself, and here's why I haven't responded to all of my emails. When I first started this I dutifully responded to anyone kind enough to show interest in me. It's the polite thing to do, right? Well I quickly learned that not everyone responding to me had politeness in mind.

My ad is very straightforward. I have represented myself quite accurately, I am not sleek and sexy and very openly described myself as "large", not "curvaceous", Rubenesque, etc. Most men don't buy those descriptions anyway, so why use them. Why pretend to be something I'm not and set myself and any potential dates up for disappointment. My profile also clearly states that I'm professionally employed, with an advanced science degree. My interests include: concerts, museums, theater, long thought-provoking conversation and playing Scrabble. I threw in the Scrabble to be "cute". Okay, so it wasn't that cute. What am I looking for in a man? Well basically, someone more cerebral than physical. Since I learned long ago that a college degree had nothing whatsoever to do with intelligence, I did mention that educational background was unimportant, just a sharp mind. I should also mention that I have a reasonably visible job and did not post a photo to maintain anonymity.

I have sent about a dozen "icebreakers" and received 2 responses. Not great stats, guys. Don't point fingers at women if you aren't answering your mail either, but I digress. While my ad probably doesn't appeal to most men, it wasn't intended to appeal to every type of man. BUT........of the unsolicited responses that I've received.....well....I'm speechless!!!!! It's been a fairly steady stream of freak show applicants. There's the married "professional" who understands my needs and busy career schedule and is willing to sqeeze in a "nooner" to help me relax. There's the guy that runs a sports bar down the street from me who actually says "Yo". There's the unemployed musician who works part time at Sam's Club, who shares my appreciation for the arts and is more than willing to let me share my home and income with him. There's the guy who wrote me a 400+ word email. I have no real clue what his problem was, but I'm sure he had one. I say 400+ words because that's pretty much all the email was. It contained no capitalization, commas, semi-colons, question marks, periods, extraneous spacings, etc. What did this guy think was going to happen?!? Needless to say, I no longer respond just to be polite. Unless the email and profile show intelligent signs of life and realistic expectations, goals, etc. I don't waste my time and energy responding.

My humble advice to anyone, male or female, using online dating is: BE REALISTIC.

1. Online dating is NOT online shopping. You cannot just pick out the prettiest/ most handsome photos and "place an order" for that person.

2. Use some common sense. For those who are surprised when they get stung by "false advertising", did you truly believe that the guy who pulls in over 100k per year and has six pack abs needs to advertise on the internet for dates? Even if he did, is he really looking for a middle-aged single mom with 3 kids to support? Probably not, he probably wants the 21 year old dancer at the local strip club. Same for the guys, sorry, but a 22 year old Barbi doll doesn't need to put a picture on Yahoo to get dates. And, in real life they don't get excited about dating a 50+ used car salesman from Hoboken with a bad comb-over. Most people involved in online dating don't seem to comprehend who's "out of their league" or who is probably not being completely truthful in their profiles.

3. Relationships take time, basic compatibility and mutual work. There is nothing shameful in being a single mother or used car salesman, all of us have something to offer society and perhaps, in the long run, these are the people who will find satisfying long-term relationships on the internet. We're all people, with the same human need for companionship, whether we're short or tall, fat or skinny, old or young,etc. Keep the whole process in perspective. Online dating is very visual in nature, people see a photo and think, "I'll take that one". Granted, physical attraction is vitally important in relationships, especially initially; however, it is not the only aspect of a successful long-term relationship. How many people find their true love in bars, nightclubs, etc.? Not many. So why do so many people think they are going to find the perfect person on the internet after a month or two of emailing?

For the record, I actually paid for a membership because of one ad that I couldn't get out of my mind. He was/is everything I'm looking for in a man. It took almost 2 months for me to screw up the nerve to risk rejection from him, but I finally wrote a lengthy email, directly addressing his profile and describing myself in greater detail. He checked "any" for body size in what he was looking for in a mate, so I thought I might have a chance. It's been over a month now and he hasn't even checked his email since I sent the letter. For those who have never used Yahoo, they have a feature that shows how long it has been since the person logged into their account. So I sit waiting.......with the rest of you.

Thanks for listening.