Forum Subject: This is a serious question. Is early retirement (51) a dating handicap?
Posted on: 2008/01/05 06:11pm
By: Anonymous (firebird)
I actually retired in 2001 at the age of 45. I thought that with a pension equal to my former salary, and benfits that could be shared if I got married (namenly health benefits and the cost is nominal), that I would be widely sought after both in the real world and on line. But 6 years have left me in doubt that retirement is something that works for me.
I am beginning to think stating that I am retired is a handicap. I don't understand this. I do not expect a woman to quit her job and be my constant companion. I have the ability to get up and go on a moment's notice.
.
So honestly, should I list the fact I am retired ?
I am beginning to think stating that I am retired is a handicap. I don't understand this. I do not expect a woman to quit her job and be my constant companion. I have the ability to get up and go on a moment's notice.
.
So honestly, should I list the fact I am retired ?
Re: This is a serious question. Is early retirement (51) a dating handicap?
Posted on: 2008/02/01 03:58pm
By: Anonymous (observer)
Yes, I think it's appropriate that you do but do you add the caveats that you listed here?
You should make it plain in your profile that you don't expect her to quit working and if what
you really want is someone who can, then say that's OK too. It's a matter first of deciding
what YOU want ideally.
You should do a FULL profile review on yourself and be brutally honest. Would you date you
based on what you write and what your picture looks like? WAYYYYYY too many men are using
distorted photos like those taken using their computer ( never, ever flattering!! ) or cameras
held at arms length ( never flattering! ) or they have a hat and sunglasses on (which screams,"I am really married
and afraid my wife might see this!!"
. You should also write more than one paragraph about the things
you like and how you would behave in a relationship with someone you fell in love with ( be specific! ). You
do yourself, in the eyes of women, absolute no service if you keep your profile limited to a few lines. Never
use humor in a profile because you cannot assume the reader will 'get' it. Never come off as Angry Guy
Who Has Been Burned. Don't use cliches like,"I like long walks on the beach" even if you do precisely
because it does come off as a cliche. If a woman does respond to your profile and you decide you don't
like her ( which is OK ), you should be considerate enough to tell her you don't think the two of you would
work. Only someone insane won't understand that. Don't ever NOT write back because many women
on these sites DO talk to each other, so if you come off as a jerk you may get labeled quickly. Sorry if you
don't like it, but it happens and you should know that it does. So, always be courteous but firm.
There's nothing wrong with being retired. You have to let the reader know, somehow, in your profile that
this does not mean she'll be with a guy who sits around on his computer all day trying to find another woman
and believe me, that will be a worry even if she doesn't say it. At least until she feels she knows you better
and that takes time. In these websites, Time is not your friend which is why a profile that says a lot is better
than one that says very little.
Good luck and don't give up. There are things about meeting people online that are easier than in the
real world, and things that are not. If you don't lose sight of that you will do better.
You should make it plain in your profile that you don't expect her to quit working and if what
you really want is someone who can, then say that's OK too. It's a matter first of deciding
what YOU want ideally.
You should do a FULL profile review on yourself and be brutally honest. Would you date you
based on what you write and what your picture looks like? WAYYYYYY too many men are using
distorted photos like those taken using their computer ( never, ever flattering!! ) or cameras
held at arms length ( never flattering! ) or they have a hat and sunglasses on (which screams,"I am really married
and afraid my wife might see this!!"
. You should also write more than one paragraph about the thingsyou like and how you would behave in a relationship with someone you fell in love with ( be specific! ). You
do yourself, in the eyes of women, absolute no service if you keep your profile limited to a few lines. Never
use humor in a profile because you cannot assume the reader will 'get' it. Never come off as Angry Guy
Who Has Been Burned. Don't use cliches like,"I like long walks on the beach" even if you do precisely
because it does come off as a cliche. If a woman does respond to your profile and you decide you don't
like her ( which is OK ), you should be considerate enough to tell her you don't think the two of you would
work. Only someone insane won't understand that. Don't ever NOT write back because many women
on these sites DO talk to each other, so if you come off as a jerk you may get labeled quickly. Sorry if you
don't like it, but it happens and you should know that it does. So, always be courteous but firm.
There's nothing wrong with being retired. You have to let the reader know, somehow, in your profile that
this does not mean she'll be with a guy who sits around on his computer all day trying to find another woman
and believe me, that will be a worry even if she doesn't say it. At least until she feels she knows you better
and that takes time. In these websites, Time is not your friend which is why a profile that says a lot is better
than one that says very little.
Good luck and don't give up. There are things about meeting people online that are easier than in the
real world, and things that are not. If you don't lose sight of that you will do better.