Proactive, Not Obsessive
- Thursday, November 07 2013 @ 08:20 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,196
It is true that in order to be successful in online dating, you’ll probably have to be a little proactive. We’d all love it if all we had to do is create a user name and potential matches would be falling at our feet. Instead, meeting new people often involves taking the initiative and messaging first - and bouncing back and trying elsewhere if we don’t get the answer we want.
However, there is a fine line you’ll want to watch out for - the line between “being proactive” and “allowing online dating to become all-consuming.” It’s easy to see how it happens; an online dating website is kind of like a new toy, especially if it was particularly difficult to meet or even see single, age-appropriate people in your daily life. There are now so many possibilities! Now I’ve just messaged another one! Let’s sit by the email and wait for a response!
And that’s where things start to go south. Chances are, you already have a job, a routine, friends, hobbies. Online dating can easily be a time sink, especially if you factor in time spent obsessing over responses that may or may not ever arrive. If you’re not prepared to factor in that extra time, you could be taking away from something more important - like your job or relationships with family and friends.
When you do start dating someone new, it’s natural to be a little dreamy-eyed and foggy-headed at the beginning - but prior to that, it’s probably best to conserve your energy. Profiles are not the same as people, and an email is only a means of securing your first in-person meeting, when you can really suss out your compatibility. The dream of a possibility is alluring, but it’s not worth actually wasting time.
To combat falling into the dream trap, set limits from the very beginning. For instance, maybe you’ll decide you won’t check your email for dating messages at work. Maybe you’ll set aside a little time each day, or every other day, to peruse profiles and send messages, but vow to stay in the moment the rest of the time.
After all, when a profile or a date asks you what you do in your spare time, you want the answer to be interesting and genuine - and you don’t want it to be “Hit refresh on my online dating profile and email.” Do you know when to take a break?
However, there is a fine line you’ll want to watch out for - the line between “being proactive” and “allowing online dating to become all-consuming.” It’s easy to see how it happens; an online dating website is kind of like a new toy, especially if it was particularly difficult to meet or even see single, age-appropriate people in your daily life. There are now so many possibilities! Now I’ve just messaged another one! Let’s sit by the email and wait for a response!
And that’s where things start to go south. Chances are, you already have a job, a routine, friends, hobbies. Online dating can easily be a time sink, especially if you factor in time spent obsessing over responses that may or may not ever arrive. If you’re not prepared to factor in that extra time, you could be taking away from something more important - like your job or relationships with family and friends.
When you do start dating someone new, it’s natural to be a little dreamy-eyed and foggy-headed at the beginning - but prior to that, it’s probably best to conserve your energy. Profiles are not the same as people, and an email is only a means of securing your first in-person meeting, when you can really suss out your compatibility. The dream of a possibility is alluring, but it’s not worth actually wasting time.
To combat falling into the dream trap, set limits from the very beginning. For instance, maybe you’ll decide you won’t check your email for dating messages at work. Maybe you’ll set aside a little time each day, or every other day, to peruse profiles and send messages, but vow to stay in the moment the rest of the time.
After all, when a profile or a date asks you what you do in your spare time, you want the answer to be interesting and genuine - and you don’t want it to be “Hit refresh on my online dating profile and email.” Do you know when to take a break?
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