More Than Beauties and Beasts
- Saturday, January 11 2014 @ 10:41 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,064
It’s funny: when we think about romance in our everyday lives, we tend to think in concrete terms, like, “maybe I’ll meet someone nice while I’m at this party.” When we think about online dating, we begin to fantasize: “Maybe I’ll meet my ideal image of a perfect date.”
It’s unclear why we jump to such extremes, but it probably has to do with the fact that media depictions of online dating are pretty extreme: online dates are usually either terrible or wonderful. Often, they’re absolutely awful until the protagonist meets that perfect match. One doesn’t often see a more accurate depiction: people who are perfectly nice human beings, maybe even attractive, but simply lacking that spark of chemistry.
It’s a good idea to analyze your expectations: are you falling into the beauty-or-beast trap? Falling into this trap can actually affect your dating experience. Consider: if you’re expecting everyone to be either beastly or your ideal, you don’t quite know what to do with those who fall somewhere in the middle. As such, you risk erring on either side: on the one hand, you might be so pleasantly surprised that your date is not an ogre that you agree to more dates, even though you’re ultimately not compatible. Or, even worse, you might overlook someone who does have relationship potential because you weren’t falling out of your chair at the sight of them.
In either case, you would have been better served if you had realistic expectations and confidence in knowing your own priorities. You would know to trust your gut if, ultimately, you’re not feeling that spark of a connection, even at the end of a night. Conversely, you might also be willing to open up and get past the wow-factor of a first impression. Because you’re prepared for a gray area in your dating prospects, you’re able to give the matter serious consideration, instead of trying to shoehorn your dates into Angel and Devil boxes.
You’re also more able to view your dates as real people, rather than caricatures: you’re not just adding to your collection of “terrible first date” anecdotes, or building a cutesy “how we met” tale. Real life is often far more nuanced than fiction, and being prepared for the former allows you to enjoy that distinction.
So as you take on the world of online dating, ask yourself: are you expecting either a beauty or a beast? Or are you prepared to meet real people who are far more interesting than either?
It’s unclear why we jump to such extremes, but it probably has to do with the fact that media depictions of online dating are pretty extreme: online dates are usually either terrible or wonderful. Often, they’re absolutely awful until the protagonist meets that perfect match. One doesn’t often see a more accurate depiction: people who are perfectly nice human beings, maybe even attractive, but simply lacking that spark of chemistry.
It’s a good idea to analyze your expectations: are you falling into the beauty-or-beast trap? Falling into this trap can actually affect your dating experience. Consider: if you’re expecting everyone to be either beastly or your ideal, you don’t quite know what to do with those who fall somewhere in the middle. As such, you risk erring on either side: on the one hand, you might be so pleasantly surprised that your date is not an ogre that you agree to more dates, even though you’re ultimately not compatible. Or, even worse, you might overlook someone who does have relationship potential because you weren’t falling out of your chair at the sight of them.
In either case, you would have been better served if you had realistic expectations and confidence in knowing your own priorities. You would know to trust your gut if, ultimately, you’re not feeling that spark of a connection, even at the end of a night. Conversely, you might also be willing to open up and get past the wow-factor of a first impression. Because you’re prepared for a gray area in your dating prospects, you’re able to give the matter serious consideration, instead of trying to shoehorn your dates into Angel and Devil boxes.
You’re also more able to view your dates as real people, rather than caricatures: you’re not just adding to your collection of “terrible first date” anecdotes, or building a cutesy “how we met” tale. Real life is often far more nuanced than fiction, and being prepared for the former allows you to enjoy that distinction.
So as you take on the world of online dating, ask yourself: are you expecting either a beauty or a beast? Or are you prepared to meet real people who are far more interesting than either?
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