Micro-Managing the Future
- Sunday, November 10 2013 @ 09:48 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,027
As you may have noticed, some online dating sites are specifically geared toward certain types of relationships. For example, one site may be dedicated to finding the person you’ll eventually marry; another might focus on one-night stands. In general, the concept is quite useful; if you’re looking for the future Committed Partner and they’re just looking for a one-time hookup, it’s better to know before you get emotionally invested. However - particularly when it comes to a long-term goal like a committed relationship - is there such a thing as too much planning?
Let’s take the example of the One-Night-Stander vs. the Looking-for-Lover once again. In this instance, it makes sense that the cards should be put on the table right away, and both should probably move on to someone else, because the One-Night-Stander can easily find someone else with no strings attached. It’s an immediate conflict of interest between the two.
Now let’s send the Looking-for-Lover on a different date. The potential match is also interested, ultimately, in a long-term commitment. But there’s a problem - the potential match is finishing up their last years working on their PhD. In a few years, they may have to move somewhere else, depending on where their career takes them. So the Looking-for-Lover decides that since the future is so uncertain, and they’re solely interested in something long-term, there’s no point in a second date.
The Looking-for-Lover certainly has a shot at finding someone else compatible with a more secure future, but at the same time, they might have thrown away something valuable with their potential match. Two years is a long time; they might have moved on naturally due to incompatibility, or they might have been madly in love and planning marriage. Looking-for-Lover might have wanted to move with their potential match, or a compromise might have been found. No one can predict what the future could have held.
And so it is when you begin any relationship; even if your ultimate goal is a long-term commitment, you still have to move through the same steps as anyone else, like initial chemistry or surviving the first six months of dating or seeing each other with the flu. No matter how ready or on the same page you both might be from day one, you’ll still have to put in the same amount of time to establish a trusting, communicative, loving relationship.
So as you head out on your first dates, be aware of immediate conflicts of interest, but try to put the long-term plans on a back burner. Even if you’re meeting your future life partner, your lives may look completely different by the time you take that step. Why waste energy micro-managing what’s in the now for what might be in the future?
Let’s take the example of the One-Night-Stander vs. the Looking-for-Lover once again. In this instance, it makes sense that the cards should be put on the table right away, and both should probably move on to someone else, because the One-Night-Stander can easily find someone else with no strings attached. It’s an immediate conflict of interest between the two.
Now let’s send the Looking-for-Lover on a different date. The potential match is also interested, ultimately, in a long-term commitment. But there’s a problem - the potential match is finishing up their last years working on their PhD. In a few years, they may have to move somewhere else, depending on where their career takes them. So the Looking-for-Lover decides that since the future is so uncertain, and they’re solely interested in something long-term, there’s no point in a second date.
The Looking-for-Lover certainly has a shot at finding someone else compatible with a more secure future, but at the same time, they might have thrown away something valuable with their potential match. Two years is a long time; they might have moved on naturally due to incompatibility, or they might have been madly in love and planning marriage. Looking-for-Lover might have wanted to move with their potential match, or a compromise might have been found. No one can predict what the future could have held.
And so it is when you begin any relationship; even if your ultimate goal is a long-term commitment, you still have to move through the same steps as anyone else, like initial chemistry or surviving the first six months of dating or seeing each other with the flu. No matter how ready or on the same page you both might be from day one, you’ll still have to put in the same amount of time to establish a trusting, communicative, loving relationship.
So as you head out on your first dates, be aware of immediate conflicts of interest, but try to put the long-term plans on a back burner. Even if you’re meeting your future life partner, your lives may look completely different by the time you take that step. Why waste energy micro-managing what’s in the now for what might be in the future?
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