Finding Time for Yourself in a Relationship

Falling in love can be intoxicating. You meet someone, and you click. You find yourself incredibly attracted to each other, and eventually, you want to spend all of your time together. Before you know it, you've moved in together and are spending every night together - watching movies, making dinner, or even doing laundry together. You've fallen into a rhythm of being each other's company, no matter what you're doing.

And while these are all wonderful things, they (like everything else in life) also need balance. Do you find yourself feeling guilty that you haven't seen your friends in weeks? Or are you happy to go to another art exhibit with your partner when really you'd prefer to go to the beach and lie in the sand, reading your magazines? Are your needs truly being met, or are you ignoring them to spend time together?

Just like you can't throw yourself into work without upsetting your personal relationships, you can't throw yourself full-time into your new partnership without sacrificing some of your own individual needs. The key is striking a balance.

Everyone needs her own personal time. It's valuable for recharging, for growing intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally, for feeding your relationship. Relying on another person or on the relationship to help you fill your time and all of your needs won't be successful. It's important to have a sense of independence in order to grow in a relationship and with a partner.

So, how do you balance "we" time vs. "me" time? What if your partner doesn't understand that you would like to spend Sunday afternoons by yourself, or go out with your girlfriends a few times a week, or go on a solo hiking trip once a month for your own enjoyment?

If you're scared or unsure of how to approach the subject, try being completely open. Likely your partner would welcome some alone time, too, and maybe he's just as afraid to bring up the subject and disrupt your routine.

Let him know that spending time by yourself or with a friend is important to you. Let him know that it helps you to recharge, whether you need some peace and quiet after a rough work week, whether you'd like to get back in touch with those hobbies you haven't dabbled with in a while, or whether it's just to have a laugh and catch up with a friend. These parts of your life are just as important as your relationship, and are necessary to your overall happiness.

Making time for yourself is an important part of building better relationships with those most important to you.