Don’t Feel Attracted to Your Partner? These 10 Tips Will Help You!

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At the very beginning of the relationship, both partners are sexually attracted to one another. You can’t keep your hands off one another and connection between you two is almost palpable. In time, it seems like attraction and passion slightly decrease. Do you feel the same? Don’t worry; most people in long relationships deal with this problem. Just because one or both partners feel there is no attraction to the other person it doesn’t mean your relationship is over. Here are ten useful tips that can help you.

1. Redefine attraction

Probably one of the most common reasons why people feel like they aren’t attracted to their partner anymore is failing to accept the relationship changes. You want to stay in that “honeymoon” stage of relationship forever, but it doesn’t work that way. The more you get to know one another, the more your relationship changes and it’s not a bad thing.

As your relationship lasts longer and makes a progress, it becomes more meaningful. You get to know each other’s personality, not just your body. When you feel like sexual attraction is fading away, instead of giving up try to redefine it. What does this mean, exactly? Real sexual attraction doesn’t always have to be about physical appearance, it’s about a person you see when all of the pretenses fade away. Focus on your partner’s soul rather than superficial beauty and trivial things. Redefining attraction doesn’t happen out of blue, but with a little bit of consistency, you can do it. You can redefine attraction based on some of your criteria as well.

2. Do you usually feel attraction?

If you don’t feel sexual attraction to your partner, it may be useful to ask yourself whether you’re sexually attracted to others. Take a few moments to think and give an honest answer to yourself. If the answer is no, then lack of sexual attraction to your partner has nothing to do with the way you feel and it, most certainly, isn’t about your partner either. Decreased libido could be to blame resulting in sexual desire disorder. You see, your libido fluctuates and goes up and down. Some people may not feel sexually attracted to their partner due to depression and intake of antidepressants. Asking this question is a good way to assess causes behind the absence of sexual attraction. Once you know the answer, you can modify your approach to reignite it.

3. Spice up your sex life

Just because sexual attraction is partially or completely gone, it doesn’t mean you feel nothing for your significant other. Many people mistake attraction for feelings, but they are entirely different. Lack of attraction doesn’t mean your love and devotion to that person died as well. When you understand the difference between the two, it becomes easier to work on improving your relationship with sex.

For example, sometimes sexual attraction suffers due to a monotony which is frequent in longer relationships. When your sex life becomes almost mechanic or robotic, it’s difficult to be excited or turned on and to feel sexually attracted to the one you love. This just means you need to beat bedroom boredom and spice up your life. Here are a few useful tips:

  • Try new sex positions
  • Talk about sexual fantasies and explore them
  • Don’t assume bed is the only place where you can have sex, spice things up
  • Use sex toys
  • Wear something nice to bed
  • Build anticipation through sensual massages
  • Send sexy text messages to one another

4. Resolve relationship problems

Relationships are complicated. Everything you do has a major influence on how you feel about your significant other. For example, lack of sexual attraction can have both physical and psychological causes. Sometimes repressed anger is the primary culprit behind decreased attraction to your partner. You may not even realize that you’re angry or that you resent something. That said until you get the anger out it will be difficult to restore attraction.

What to do in this case? The answer is pretty obvious; you need to identify anger or resentment and reasons you feel that way. In order to have a healthy relationship and to reignite your sexual attraction, you need to resolve relationship problems instead of sweeping them under a rug. Once you solve these problems, both of you will feel liberated and more into each other.

5. Improve your performance in bed

The absence of sexual attraction to your loved one can also be a sign of low self-esteem and decreased confidence. This is particularly the case in men primarily because their confidence and sexual performance tend to go hand in hand. When you’re unable to perform sexually, confidence suffers and you also become less interested in intercourse. At the same time, you don’t show any interest in your partner too. Like many other factors that affect sexual attraction to your partner, this one is easy to fix. Instead of thinking all is lost, decide to be proactive. Work on improving your sexual performance and everything else will fall back into its place. Here are some tips that will help you:

  • Get enough sleep
  • Exercise regularly
  • Consider using natural male enhancement supplements to regulate hormone levels and improve your performance
  • Manage stress
  • Ditch bad habit such as smoking and drinking too much alcohol
  • Masturbate
  • Get informed about sexual dysfunctions and understand that they happen, but can be successfully resolved

6. Don’t be scared to tell your partner how to turn you on

A common mistake that many couples repeat is failing to have an open conversation about sex. Somehow you expect your partner to know what turns you on and what you want at any given time. Strong relationship and healthy sex life depend on good communication. The more you communicate, the easier it is to solve problems including this one. In many cases partners don’t feel sexually attracted to their loved ones is because they are missing the mark in the bedroom.

You can easily prevent that by having a conversation with your significant other. Before you talk to your partner, you need to talk to yourself before. Ask yourself what do you really want in intercourse but not getting? Feel free to tell your partner how to turn you on and they should do the same. Conversation is the best way for both of you to get what you want.

7. Are you spending too much/little time together?

Spending a quality time with your loved one is always important, but if you already spend most of your free time together then it’s useful to get a little space. That way, the time you spend together will be more exciting and it’s easier to rebuild sexual attraction. Options are endless, you can go to the gym, sign up for a class, take up a hobby, go out with your friends, join a book club, among other things. When your life is more exciting, you’ll find it easier to reconnect with your loved one. However, if you don’t spend a lot of time together or you’re apart too much, then it is important to make some effort and spend more time together just two of you.

8. Increase pheromones

A pheromone is a chemical that animals produce which changes the behavior of other members of the species. There are some indications that human pheromones also exist and they play a role in sexual attraction. Pheromone-esque compounds strike us like Cupid’s arrows. The suit of chemicals emitted from our bodies sways potential partnering subliminally. It seems that smell plays a vital role in romance, sex, and other human affairs. Here are some useful ways to raise pheromone levels:

  • Exercise to raise testosterone levels
  • Consume foods rich in zinc
  • Get enough sleep
  • Use essential oils

9. Try couples therapy

The importance of the couples therapy is largely underestimated by many couples. That usually happens because two people in a relationship don’t like to admit they are having some difficulties. Every couple has some problems to work out, relationships aren’t perfect and not even intended to be. The vast majority of couples who deal with lack of sexual attraction don’t seek professional help. Going to couples therapy doesn’t mean you’ll open a Pandora’s box and ruin everything, it just means you’ll get to solve the root cause of your problem. Couples therapy helps you discover why you don’t feel sexual attraction and enables you to address the issue. That way, you can move forward and reignite the spark.

10. Be more romantic

When you two first started dating, the romance was all over the place. As relationship moved forward, that romance gradually disappeared. Unfortunately, we are inclined to take our significant other for granted and stop trying to spice things up from time to time and introduce a little bit of romance to our lives. It’s easy for sexual attraction to vanish when romance is absent. Sometimes the easiest way to restore attraction is to be more romantic. Do things that are romantic in nature, show how you appreciate your loved one, act like you’re still dating, you can even go on date night every week.


The absence of sexual attraction doesn’t mean the relationship has run its course. Also, it doesn’t mean your feelings for the significant other are missing. There are many things one can do to restore sexual attraction and improve quality of the relationship. Follow the above-mentioned ten tips and you’ll notice major improvements.