Why “Playing Games” Isn't A Bad Thing

I've said this before, and I'm going to say it again: there's a reason we call it "the dating game." It's supposed to be a game. It's supposed to be fun. People say "playing games" like it's a dirty word, but the reality is that games are an integral part of love and relationships.

Think about it this way...

You've fallen head over heels in love with a guy you've only been seeing for three weeks. Would you tell him that right away? Would you cook him a romantic dinner and spill your guts out over the fillet mignon? Probably not. You'll refrain from saying those three magic words until after an appropriate amount of time has passed, because saying them too soon will come off as clingy and will probably scare your beau away.

But what is "an appropriate amount of time?" Do you know? Does he know? Does anyone know?

Or think about it this way...

Last week you met a girl who totally blew you away. She's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's driven, she's got a great sense of humor...she's everything you've been looking for in a woman. But you took her number and now you're lost. Can you call her right away? Should you observe the three day rule? And after that, how many times can you call or text her? Is there a per-day limit? Too much communication and you'll come off as a stalker, but too little communication and she'll think you're not interested.

So what do you do? Is there a one-size-fits-all answer?

Of course not. What works for one person won't necessarily work for you, nor should it. The beauty of love and attraction is that they're different for everyone, and the only way to figure out what works for you and your dates is to play the game.

Relationships are, to put it mildly, hard work. We choose partners based on their ability to cope with that hard work, based on the emotional and intellectual skills that they have developed that will help them navigate that rocky terrain. And how are those skills tested, developed, and demonstrated? You guessed it...by playing games.

Being able to play the game shows that you have the interpersonal dexterity that is required to keep a romantic relationship alive over the long-term. It shows that you have strong social skills and a solid grasp of your date's (and potential future partner's) wants and needs. It shows that you can read them without them having to speak, which is exactly what we expect from our partners.

We want someone who know us, inside and out, like they're a mindreader in a Vegas show. We want someone who anticipates our thoughts and emotions before we even open our mouths. We want someone who knows when to speak up and when to keep quiet. All of these things are what make us feel loved, cherished, and understood, and that's why playing games is anything but a bad thing.