Why It Rains, Then Pours
- Wednesday, August 29 2012 @ 09:01 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,109
You’ve probably heard the old sayings before: "When it rains, it pours!" “As soon as I wasn’t looking for anyone, I found someone!” Or maybe the evil twin of that statement: “People only ever seem interested when I’m already in a relationship!” When you think about it, it’s pretty much the same thing; hopefully you’re not looking for someone new whilst in a relationship, anyway. Well, while it’s not the fates conspiring against you, it might not be entirely coincidence, either.
What happens when you’re in a relationship, or when you’ve decided you don’t need one? You become less self-conscious, because you’re not worried about who’s watching. You act more natural, because you’re not trying to impress anyone. People are more likely to see you for who you really are. And since you’re not stressed out or nervous about landing a date, you probably seem happier, calmer, more confident. It’s not that being in a relationship makes you happier; it’s just that you’re not under the added stress of feeling like you have to find someone.
At any rate, this upbeat, calmer, more confident you is probably you at your most appealing. So the surge in interest right when you’ve stopped looking might be less due to “terrible timing” than you initially think.
“Well, that’s all very well and good,” you might be saying, “but how am I supposed to apply that to now? I still definitely want to find someone. Am I supposed to pretend I’m not looking but be looking anyway? I’m not that great of an actor!”
Nope, the last thing you need is another layer of artifice. You don’t need to replicate the cause - being off the market for whatever reason - to replicate the symptoms, like increased confidence; you just need to find another way to bring it out of yourself. Consider: if people are more likely to be drawn to you when you’re just being yourself, not trying to impress, why not just be yourself from the very beginning? Yes, it can be difficult, particularly if you’re interacting with someone to whom you’re attracted. But perhaps having an internal whisper that reminds you “You don’t have to be someone else to be attractive - it’s when you’re most yourself that you are most attractive” might be just the thing to keep the awkward acting at bay.
So as you write your first-contact emails and go on dates, remember: you want to make a good first impression, but you’re looking to show off the best sides of yourself, not someone else. Finding someone with whom you’re compatible means that they’ll like you best when you’re comfortable and just being yourself - so why act like something you’re not and muddy the waters?
What happens when you’re in a relationship, or when you’ve decided you don’t need one? You become less self-conscious, because you’re not worried about who’s watching. You act more natural, because you’re not trying to impress anyone. People are more likely to see you for who you really are. And since you’re not stressed out or nervous about landing a date, you probably seem happier, calmer, more confident. It’s not that being in a relationship makes you happier; it’s just that you’re not under the added stress of feeling like you have to find someone.
At any rate, this upbeat, calmer, more confident you is probably you at your most appealing. So the surge in interest right when you’ve stopped looking might be less due to “terrible timing” than you initially think.
“Well, that’s all very well and good,” you might be saying, “but how am I supposed to apply that to now? I still definitely want to find someone. Am I supposed to pretend I’m not looking but be looking anyway? I’m not that great of an actor!”
Nope, the last thing you need is another layer of artifice. You don’t need to replicate the cause - being off the market for whatever reason - to replicate the symptoms, like increased confidence; you just need to find another way to bring it out of yourself. Consider: if people are more likely to be drawn to you when you’re just being yourself, not trying to impress, why not just be yourself from the very beginning? Yes, it can be difficult, particularly if you’re interacting with someone to whom you’re attracted. But perhaps having an internal whisper that reminds you “You don’t have to be someone else to be attractive - it’s when you’re most yourself that you are most attractive” might be just the thing to keep the awkward acting at bay.
So as you write your first-contact emails and go on dates, remember: you want to make a good first impression, but you’re looking to show off the best sides of yourself, not someone else. Finding someone with whom you’re compatible means that they’ll like you best when you’re comfortable and just being yourself - so why act like something you’re not and muddy the waters?
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