Why Fudge the Facts?
- Friday, January 04 2013 @ 09:32 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,093
It’s no secret that the dating world is a little... idealized. For example, while we’d like to believe that how we look on our first date is how we look 24 hours a day, seven days a week, we all know that’s not true. We all know that we tend to focus on what we’d like to on a weekend more than what we actually do - because what we actually do is catch up on TV and personal grooming and, well, that’s not that glamorous. There’s always a little bit of fudgery going on, and it’s to be expected.
However, there are some things you don’t want to fudge. In fact, if you do, it could potentially waste the time of both yourself and others. So, what are these sacred truths?
Well, the easiest catch-all category to bear in mind is that you should never lie about what you want for the future. A prime example of this is children. There are those who think they’ll get more dates if they say they want children when they don’t. There are others who think they’ll succeed if they say they don’t when they really do. But here’s the thing: whatever end of the spectrum you land on, at the end of the day you’re probably not going to change your mind. Neither will your partner - and they’ll be extra hurt that you lied in the first place.
Yes, when you’re dealing with the future, you’re dealing with Big Issues. Another example of this: if your big dream is to move far, far away from wherever you are now, and you’re actively attempting to make this happen, make sure your date knows this. Maybe they, too, want to flee their zip code. But if it’s an actual, potential possibility, they deserve to know before they become emotionally invested.
Many people actually rely on the concept of emotional manipulation - they’ll say to themselves, “I’ll wait to tell the truth until later.” What they mean is, “Until I think there’s a chance they’re so emotionally invested they won’t leave.” Sure, they might not think of it in such callous terms, but that’s really what they’re thinking. And it’s bad logic; in reality, good relationships are founded on trust and honesty. Finding out you’ve been lied to from the very beginning puts a large crack at the very base of the foundation. If anything you run the risk of your partner getting more upset than they would have otherwise.
So if you’re thinking about telling a white lie on your profile, or obscuring the truth, ask yourself if you’re trying to fudge a Big Issue. Exaggerating your level of fitness is one thing; saying you’re not interested in marriage when it’s actually your end goal is something else entirely. And ask yourself: if your compatibility is based on a lie, is it the sort of relationship that will really make you happy?
However, there are some things you don’t want to fudge. In fact, if you do, it could potentially waste the time of both yourself and others. So, what are these sacred truths?
Well, the easiest catch-all category to bear in mind is that you should never lie about what you want for the future. A prime example of this is children. There are those who think they’ll get more dates if they say they want children when they don’t. There are others who think they’ll succeed if they say they don’t when they really do. But here’s the thing: whatever end of the spectrum you land on, at the end of the day you’re probably not going to change your mind. Neither will your partner - and they’ll be extra hurt that you lied in the first place.
Yes, when you’re dealing with the future, you’re dealing with Big Issues. Another example of this: if your big dream is to move far, far away from wherever you are now, and you’re actively attempting to make this happen, make sure your date knows this. Maybe they, too, want to flee their zip code. But if it’s an actual, potential possibility, they deserve to know before they become emotionally invested.
Many people actually rely on the concept of emotional manipulation - they’ll say to themselves, “I’ll wait to tell the truth until later.” What they mean is, “Until I think there’s a chance they’re so emotionally invested they won’t leave.” Sure, they might not think of it in such callous terms, but that’s really what they’re thinking. And it’s bad logic; in reality, good relationships are founded on trust and honesty. Finding out you’ve been lied to from the very beginning puts a large crack at the very base of the foundation. If anything you run the risk of your partner getting more upset than they would have otherwise.
So if you’re thinking about telling a white lie on your profile, or obscuring the truth, ask yourself if you’re trying to fudge a Big Issue. Exaggerating your level of fitness is one thing; saying you’re not interested in marriage when it’s actually your end goal is something else entirely. And ask yourself: if your compatibility is based on a lie, is it the sort of relationship that will really make you happy?
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