When to Err on the Side of Caution
- Wednesday, February 01 2012 @ 09:33 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,361
Imagine this scenario: you’re perusing profiles on a online dating site. You spot someone who really catches your eye. While they seem to have compatible interests, and potentially a good personality, it’s honestly their looks that draw you in - their eyes, or their smile, or maybe just the entire face put together. You settle down to write a first-contact email. Honesty is the best policy, so you’ll explain that you were attracted at first sight, right?
Well, maybe not. It might even depend on whether the person you’re writing is a man or a woman. See, women, in particular, get flooded with spam emails from people who want a fast hook-up. Perhaps due to these tactless creatures, or maybe because of an unfortunate double standard in society, first-contact emails are expected to focus on a more intellectual connection.
Sure, it might seem silly - if you’re looking to form a mental and physical connection why shouldn’t you state that you find someone attractive? However, instead of resisting and balking against “the system,” instead consider that perhaps it’s just redundant. You wouldn’t be emailing someone unless you found them at least somewhat attractive, right? You probably wouldn’t have read the profile in-depth if that weren’t the case.
Similarly, you wouldn’t walk up to someone in person and blurt out that you find them hot; it’s implied that you wouldn’t have approached them if you weren’t interested. In a first-contact email, the fact that you find them pleasant to look at is understood. Instead, in the email you’re supplying information that might not be as obvious - such as the fact that you’re both recent transplants from the Midwest.
That being said, if you really want to include something about their pictures, it’s possible to do so. You could talk about the action in a picture, like, “I’ve never been to the beach during Bike Week - is it crowded?” instead of the more obvious “Dude, those are some amazing abs you’re showing.” Instead of a generic equivalent to “I like your face,” you might say that they’ve got a really friendly smile, or a unique hair color - but tread lightly here. You’re writing the equivalent of a hello, not a flowery letter from the 1800’s.
When you see a profile that really piques your interest, it can be difficult to turn down the attraction and focus on more mundane matters - like a well-written, friendly first-contact email. But do your best! Remember: a pretty face on-screen is only part of the battle. There’s intellectual compatibility to consider, and the real game-changer: chemistry. So don’t allow yourself to get off-track before you’ve even begun!
Well, maybe not. It might even depend on whether the person you’re writing is a man or a woman. See, women, in particular, get flooded with spam emails from people who want a fast hook-up. Perhaps due to these tactless creatures, or maybe because of an unfortunate double standard in society, first-contact emails are expected to focus on a more intellectual connection.
Sure, it might seem silly - if you’re looking to form a mental and physical connection why shouldn’t you state that you find someone attractive? However, instead of resisting and balking against “the system,” instead consider that perhaps it’s just redundant. You wouldn’t be emailing someone unless you found them at least somewhat attractive, right? You probably wouldn’t have read the profile in-depth if that weren’t the case.
Similarly, you wouldn’t walk up to someone in person and blurt out that you find them hot; it’s implied that you wouldn’t have approached them if you weren’t interested. In a first-contact email, the fact that you find them pleasant to look at is understood. Instead, in the email you’re supplying information that might not be as obvious - such as the fact that you’re both recent transplants from the Midwest.
That being said, if you really want to include something about their pictures, it’s possible to do so. You could talk about the action in a picture, like, “I’ve never been to the beach during Bike Week - is it crowded?” instead of the more obvious “Dude, those are some amazing abs you’re showing.” Instead of a generic equivalent to “I like your face,” you might say that they’ve got a really friendly smile, or a unique hair color - but tread lightly here. You’re writing the equivalent of a hello, not a flowery letter from the 1800’s.
When you see a profile that really piques your interest, it can be difficult to turn down the attraction and focus on more mundane matters - like a well-written, friendly first-contact email. But do your best! Remember: a pretty face on-screen is only part of the battle. There’s intellectual compatibility to consider, and the real game-changer: chemistry. So don’t allow yourself to get off-track before you’ve even begun!
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