When No News is Bad News
- Friday, May 27 2011 @ 01:13 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,381
People who are new to world of online dating are often a little surprised at the responses they get from first-contact emails. Perhaps most surprising is the fact that often, you might not get a response at all.
“I just don’t get it,” someone recently said to me. “I go through the trouble of writing an email to them; why can’t they take two minutes to write back? I think the not knowing is worse than a rejection.”
Whether or not it’s more ethical to reject than not reply at all, the sad fact is that a non-reply has become increasingly common. Perhaps it’s due to the ephemeral nature of emails; it’s easy to simply delete them and never think about it again. Some online dating sites provide a form rejection, which, again, may sting, but at least you know where you stand. However, even then, emails that never get replies are not uncommon.
For someone new to online dating, rejections and non-answers can be an early discouragement if you’re not prepared for them. It’s important to have a realistic view as you begin to send out your first emails - so let’s talk numbers. If you’re a man, sending emails to women, you’re actually doing well if you get one in ten positive responses - and a positive response means another email, not necessarily a date. For women, the numbers are a little better, as men are more inclined to respond. Is that fair to men? Not really, but in the meantime all we can do is encourage women to respond more and email more themselves.
Though the numbers may be grim, that’s no reason to copy-and-paste first-contact emails. Yes, you shouldn’t stress over each individual email, but remember that there is a person at the other end, not a lotto machine. A first-contact email can be only a few sentences, so it’s not difficult to ask a question that indicates you’ve actually read their profile. While many emails may be sent out into the ether, one could be sent to your future match. Do you really want to send out a copy-and-pasted letter to them?
“I just don’t get it,” someone recently said to me. “I go through the trouble of writing an email to them; why can’t they take two minutes to write back? I think the not knowing is worse than a rejection.”
Whether or not it’s more ethical to reject than not reply at all, the sad fact is that a non-reply has become increasingly common. Perhaps it’s due to the ephemeral nature of emails; it’s easy to simply delete them and never think about it again. Some online dating sites provide a form rejection, which, again, may sting, but at least you know where you stand. However, even then, emails that never get replies are not uncommon.
For someone new to online dating, rejections and non-answers can be an early discouragement if you’re not prepared for them. It’s important to have a realistic view as you begin to send out your first emails - so let’s talk numbers. If you’re a man, sending emails to women, you’re actually doing well if you get one in ten positive responses - and a positive response means another email, not necessarily a date. For women, the numbers are a little better, as men are more inclined to respond. Is that fair to men? Not really, but in the meantime all we can do is encourage women to respond more and email more themselves.
Though the numbers may be grim, that’s no reason to copy-and-paste first-contact emails. Yes, you shouldn’t stress over each individual email, but remember that there is a person at the other end, not a lotto machine. A first-contact email can be only a few sentences, so it’s not difficult to ask a question that indicates you’ve actually read their profile. While many emails may be sent out into the ether, one could be sent to your future match. Do you really want to send out a copy-and-pasted letter to them?
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