When Matches Get Less Than Perfect
- Monday, April 22 2013 @ 08:10 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,057
In the dating world, there’s understandably a lot of focus put on compatibility and “matching up.” As such, it can be confusing when you and your date or partner disagree. How much of a difference of opinion is too much? What about actual arguments? Where do you draw the line between compatible and not?
If it’s very early in a relationship - like, say, first date early - it might be easier to draw up a kind of pros and cons list, to figure out what’s working and what isn’t. For example, do you have physical chemistry? If so, that’s a plus. However, if that’s all you have - you’re not interested in your date intellectually, emotionally, and maybe you’re downright annoyed or put off by them and how they hand your difference of opinion - it might be worth analyzing what sort of relationship you’re looking for and assessing if they fit the bill.
On the other hand, if you seem to get along great but you’re both willing to go to the mats over the merits of a specific TV show - well, there’s always a chance you could agree to disagree over that one subject and still have a great relationship. Don’t be put off if your ‘incompatibility’ is limited to interests and not major life views. Only you know what a ‘dealbreaker’ constitutes for you, but don’t be afraid of some minor differences - you’re not the same person, after all.
Now let’s say you’ve been in a relationship for awhile. The TV show issue turns out to be indicative of a recurring theme - when you disagree you both hang on like pit bulls, refusing to let go. Once again, you’re worried - is there too much arguing in this relationship?
Remember that two separate, unique people have to learn to communicate, and it’s a learning process. The big question here is: are you both willing to learn to handle your disagreements differently? If neither one of you wants to compromise, or even if only one does, you might be setting yourself down a difficult path. On the other hand, if the good times are far more frequent than the arguments, and you’re both invested in making the relationship work, it’s possible all you need is dedication and commitment to improving the way you communicate, especially when you disagree.
Everyone wants to think that being in a good relationship means that everything goes right and no one ever fights. In fact, a relationship with two distinct personalities and opinions means there will likely be clashing from time to time. It’s how you approach these differences - and each other - that can affect the outcome of the relationship.
If it’s very early in a relationship - like, say, first date early - it might be easier to draw up a kind of pros and cons list, to figure out what’s working and what isn’t. For example, do you have physical chemistry? If so, that’s a plus. However, if that’s all you have - you’re not interested in your date intellectually, emotionally, and maybe you’re downright annoyed or put off by them and how they hand your difference of opinion - it might be worth analyzing what sort of relationship you’re looking for and assessing if they fit the bill.
On the other hand, if you seem to get along great but you’re both willing to go to the mats over the merits of a specific TV show - well, there’s always a chance you could agree to disagree over that one subject and still have a great relationship. Don’t be put off if your ‘incompatibility’ is limited to interests and not major life views. Only you know what a ‘dealbreaker’ constitutes for you, but don’t be afraid of some minor differences - you’re not the same person, after all.
Now let’s say you’ve been in a relationship for awhile. The TV show issue turns out to be indicative of a recurring theme - when you disagree you both hang on like pit bulls, refusing to let go. Once again, you’re worried - is there too much arguing in this relationship?
Remember that two separate, unique people have to learn to communicate, and it’s a learning process. The big question here is: are you both willing to learn to handle your disagreements differently? If neither one of you wants to compromise, or even if only one does, you might be setting yourself down a difficult path. On the other hand, if the good times are far more frequent than the arguments, and you’re both invested in making the relationship work, it’s possible all you need is dedication and commitment to improving the way you communicate, especially when you disagree.
Everyone wants to think that being in a good relationship means that everything goes right and no one ever fights. In fact, a relationship with two distinct personalities and opinions means there will likely be clashing from time to time. It’s how you approach these differences - and each other - that can affect the outcome of the relationship.
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