What are Your Limits for Dating?

Online dating requires us to examine what it is we want in a relationship - whether it's someone who lives close, or has no children, is educated, or likes to travel. Some of our requirements are flexible, and some aren't. So when you're dealing with a pool of thousands of potential dates, where do you draw the lines?

Many daters want to make sure that their matches line up with what they are looking for before they even start to communicate. Since there are thousands of daters on every site, shouldn't you find someone pretty close to exactly what you want? Then why is it that you keep getting matched with the same twenty people, or get an inbox full of matches that you don't want to reach out to?

The answer is simple. People aren't custom-designed, ready to be ordered to your specifications to fit into your life just right. They are individuals with their own backgrounds, issues, wants and needs. Everyone has flaws, and they don't fit inside any box - they are all unique. So it's important to leave room for mystery and surprise - which means someone fantastic might not look like the kind of person you first thought you wanted. Maybe they live in another city that's an hour's drive away, or perhaps they're not as educated as you are and you'd rather date a PhD.

My advice is to try and set fewer limits rather than trying to find someone who has most everything you want. Some things aren't crucial to your search - here's how to choose:

Drive a little further. I live in Los Angeles, and it's a big deal to drive 5 miles to get across the highway from the West side, because it can take over an hour in traffic (which is often). But the time I spend in the car driving 30 miles to get to the other side of the city wouldn't deter me from accepting that date - especially if it meant I met somebody great, so it's important to take those chances. Same thing for people in more rural areas - try dating people from surrounding towns, even if they are further away. Expand your circles by expanding your geography.

Don't be ageist. Instead of sticking to your hard limits on age requirements, try expanding a little. After all, would you rather date a forty-year old woman who has a positive attitude and a lot of energy than a twenty-five year-old who is sullen and tired? Youth is not only about age, but about spirit. Try dating outside your comfort zone and see who you meet.

It's not just about what you have in common. Of course it's nice to share with each other if you have the same interests, but it's not a deal-breaker if you don't. Part of the fun of dating is getting to know someone else - someone who has a different career, background, education, and perspective than you. And that's ok, even better. Because you'll get to see the world through their eyes and learn something new. What's more romantic than that?