Wanted: An Imperfect Match

For many of us, the dating scene is merely a means to an end. Yes, dating can be fun, but the real end goal is to stop dating - because we’ve found someone with whom we can create a stable, long-term relationship. The shorthand way to refer to this sort of person is often our “match.” Or, as many refer to it, our “perfect match.” It’s just a phrase, one frequently heard and said without much conscious thought. But insidiously, it can alter how we view our prospective matches.

You see, there is no such thing as a perfect match, because there’s no such thing as a perfect person. Most of us realize this, of course, and then we tend to modify it to “the perfect match for me.” And again, most of us might mean simply a good fit, someone with whom we can be happy for years on end.

But again, there is no such thing as a perfect match for any one person. Chances are, there will be something about your partner that’s bound to drive you crazy. Even if it settles into an affectionate quirk in your relationship, something along the lines of, “That man hasn’t put his socks in the hamper in twenty years!” that doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t actually prefer it if the socks wound up in the hamper for once.

Does this mean you can’t be happy? Absolutely not. Many relationships last decades, with two people happily growing and occasionally chafing together. They wouldn’t rather be with anyone else. But it’s not because they’re so perfect for each other; it’s because they chose one another. And in a way, that’s even more romantic; the conscious decision to stick together, eyes open, knowing full well that things won’t always be perfect, but that you’ll work through it together - that’s even better than finding a “perfect match.”

So as you read profiles, send emails and go on dates, ask yourself: are you subconsciously trying to find someone perfect? Are you placing unreasonable expectations on your potential matches? And are you prepared to recognize a great, imperfect match when you come across one?