Troubleshooting
- Friday, July 26 2013 @ 07:03 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 977
No matter how efficient your online dating site is, dating can still be frustrating. Because dating is so complex and involves so many different disciplines, it can be unclear where to turn to improve. Does the problem lie with the dating site? The pool of possible matches? Society at large? Or is it all just a bit of bad luck? The difficult part is that it could genuinely be all or any of those possibilities - or none of the above.
However, when it comes to troubleshooting your online dating experience, the best place to start is with yourself. No, that doesn’t mean a session in which you beat yourself up; the truth is that we’re often our own worst enemy, and a little bit of self-examination is the most convenient, cheapest, and likely to yield results.
One issue that almost everyone has to some degree is a problem with self-confidence, so start there. For example, it’s not uncommon to find that even though a profile shows common interests, many of us have a tendency to worry that we’re “not at the same level” as our date. Sure, we may like all the same books, but we don’t feel smart enough. Or perhaps we’re worried that we come from different backgrounds, or that we aren’t on the same financial level. Or maybe it’s that we don’t feel attractive enough.
It’s a problem that sounds simple enough, and it’s so incredibly common - and yet, it’s insidious and damaging. If you walk into a date feeling like you have to pass a test or that you’re waiting to be exposed as a sham, you’re not going to be relaxed. It’s possible your entire demeanor will be different. Your date isn’t going to get to know you at your best. In essence, you’re shooting yourself in the foot - and probably all over a problem that doesn’t actually exist.
Only you can raise your level of confidence, but a good place to start is just to be aware that you don’t deserve this self-criticism. You’re not applying for a job; you’re testing out your mutual compatibility. If you’re in the hot seat, so is your date! Similarly, it’s not a competition - you’re not out to prove that you’re smart enough or smarter, or more attractive than anyone else. When two people choose to be in a relationship, it’s not because they’ve just won beauty pageants - there are certainly more attractive people in the world. Instead, they commit to each other because they want to. How will someone get to know and love you if you’re walking on eggshells?
Starting with confidence might seem like it’s too obvious, but it’s a bit like the first steps in any troubleshooting process - even if you know better, it’s still possible to miss something that makes a big difference when it’s fixed. Even just being aware of your confidence levels, or “faking” it, can make an appreciable difference. So instead of checking to make sure your computer’s plugged in, ask yourself: am I being as positive about myself as I deserve?
However, when it comes to troubleshooting your online dating experience, the best place to start is with yourself. No, that doesn’t mean a session in which you beat yourself up; the truth is that we’re often our own worst enemy, and a little bit of self-examination is the most convenient, cheapest, and likely to yield results.
One issue that almost everyone has to some degree is a problem with self-confidence, so start there. For example, it’s not uncommon to find that even though a profile shows common interests, many of us have a tendency to worry that we’re “not at the same level” as our date. Sure, we may like all the same books, but we don’t feel smart enough. Or perhaps we’re worried that we come from different backgrounds, or that we aren’t on the same financial level. Or maybe it’s that we don’t feel attractive enough.
It’s a problem that sounds simple enough, and it’s so incredibly common - and yet, it’s insidious and damaging. If you walk into a date feeling like you have to pass a test or that you’re waiting to be exposed as a sham, you’re not going to be relaxed. It’s possible your entire demeanor will be different. Your date isn’t going to get to know you at your best. In essence, you’re shooting yourself in the foot - and probably all over a problem that doesn’t actually exist.
Only you can raise your level of confidence, but a good place to start is just to be aware that you don’t deserve this self-criticism. You’re not applying for a job; you’re testing out your mutual compatibility. If you’re in the hot seat, so is your date! Similarly, it’s not a competition - you’re not out to prove that you’re smart enough or smarter, or more attractive than anyone else. When two people choose to be in a relationship, it’s not because they’ve just won beauty pageants - there are certainly more attractive people in the world. Instead, they commit to each other because they want to. How will someone get to know and love you if you’re walking on eggshells?
Starting with confidence might seem like it’s too obvious, but it’s a bit like the first steps in any troubleshooting process - even if you know better, it’s still possible to miss something that makes a big difference when it’s fixed. Even just being aware of your confidence levels, or “faking” it, can make an appreciable difference. So instead of checking to make sure your computer’s plugged in, ask yourself: am I being as positive about myself as I deserve?
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