Too Fast, Too Slow, and Just Right
- Saturday, May 11 2013 @ 05:18 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,107
Let’s say you’ve created a new profile on an online dating site. You’ve emailed a few people you’re interested in, and one has emailed you back; the interest seems mutual. What now? Much like Goldilocks and the many chairs she tried, there are three basic scenarios that tend to play out; you’re aiming for that one that’s “just right.”
The first scenario that could happen can be called “the deer in headlights.” In this situation, you freeze; you don’t want to move too quickly, so you just keep emailing without bringing up the next step, which is typically meeting in person. Your potential date, whether because they’re similarly paralyzed or just confused, responds in kind. Now weeks have gone by, and if this game of emailing chicken isn’t broken soon, one of you will want to move on.
On the other end of the spectrum we have “the marriage proposal.” It might not include an actual proposal via email, but this is the person who is so thrilled that things are going well that they start making Big Plans. For most people, it’s hard to really visualize such plans before at least meeting in person and assessing chemistry; thus, even if you’ve both said you love road trips, making plans for one next summer might be a little premature.
If you find yourself headed in this direction - making long or intense plans before you’ve met - just remember: your date still isn’t entirely sure you even are who you claim to be. Test your compatibility out in person, then move forward together.
The “just right” course of action might considered cliche or generic by some, but perhaps it’s become a cliche for a reason. In this scenario, you chat a bit via email, then progress to a low-pressure meeting in person - like coffee - and if things go well, spend increasing amounts of time together. Your goal is to find love, but you still have to get to know one another; boldly moving forward, while still savoring each step, is the general game plan.
But if it’s so easy, why is there still so much confusion? Well, because everyone’s different, and that “sweet spot” might not look exactly the same for every couple. Maybe some people are more timid and require more emails before they meet; those same people might be the type to throw themselves into a whirlwind romance one they finally meet in person. Every couple is comprised of two unique individuals with their own needs and fears, so there’s no hard-and-fast formula.
That being said, if you’ve been emailing for a month, hitting it off, and haven’t met yet with no explanation why, it might be time to have an honest conversation. And if you feel like things are moving quickly and you’re not quite comfortable, it’s again time to speak honestly and openly. Nothing has to fit a set formula, but with honest communication, you can navigate these confusing waters and lay a good foundation for a relationship at the same time. Who says “just right for you” is impossible to find?
The first scenario that could happen can be called “the deer in headlights.” In this situation, you freeze; you don’t want to move too quickly, so you just keep emailing without bringing up the next step, which is typically meeting in person. Your potential date, whether because they’re similarly paralyzed or just confused, responds in kind. Now weeks have gone by, and if this game of emailing chicken isn’t broken soon, one of you will want to move on.
On the other end of the spectrum we have “the marriage proposal.” It might not include an actual proposal via email, but this is the person who is so thrilled that things are going well that they start making Big Plans. For most people, it’s hard to really visualize such plans before at least meeting in person and assessing chemistry; thus, even if you’ve both said you love road trips, making plans for one next summer might be a little premature.
If you find yourself headed in this direction - making long or intense plans before you’ve met - just remember: your date still isn’t entirely sure you even are who you claim to be. Test your compatibility out in person, then move forward together.
The “just right” course of action might considered cliche or generic by some, but perhaps it’s become a cliche for a reason. In this scenario, you chat a bit via email, then progress to a low-pressure meeting in person - like coffee - and if things go well, spend increasing amounts of time together. Your goal is to find love, but you still have to get to know one another; boldly moving forward, while still savoring each step, is the general game plan.
But if it’s so easy, why is there still so much confusion? Well, because everyone’s different, and that “sweet spot” might not look exactly the same for every couple. Maybe some people are more timid and require more emails before they meet; those same people might be the type to throw themselves into a whirlwind romance one they finally meet in person. Every couple is comprised of two unique individuals with their own needs and fears, so there’s no hard-and-fast formula.
That being said, if you’ve been emailing for a month, hitting it off, and haven’t met yet with no explanation why, it might be time to have an honest conversation. And if you feel like things are moving quickly and you’re not quite comfortable, it’s again time to speak honestly and openly. Nothing has to fit a set formula, but with honest communication, you can navigate these confusing waters and lay a good foundation for a relationship at the same time. Who says “just right for you” is impossible to find?
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